...a simple opening philosophy is to move a pawn and then a back row piece alternately...to not play your queen until perhaps 20 moves into the game...to castle your rook and king in about 10 moves....to place one of
your rooks on a file that is not obstructed by your own pieces and leave it
there so as to dominate the squares ahead for a time and to print out 4
basic simple openings from a chess opening site and leave them on your desk..may i suggest the polish, the colle, the english and the slav...just play them a whole bunch of times...many times they will not really be the
best thing to do but since they take only 1 to 3 moves to set up you will
manage one of more of them most of the time and you will have some start on the game....stay happy...drink a little...scream loudly when you blunder...go "neiner, neiner, neiner" whenever you manage to take a piece...this is the reinfeld school of chess...i made it to page 7 on the clans being a dope and following method...you can do it too....