One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BAS**RD!!!!"
Seeing as it's a religious time, for many:
Religious S**t
Taoism
S**t happens.
Buddhism
If s**t happens, it's not really s**t.
Islam
If s**t happens, it's the will of Allah.
Protestantism
S**t happens because you don't work hard enough.
Judaism
Why does this s**t always happen to us?
Hinduism
This s**t happened before.
Catholicism
S**t happens because you're bad.
Hare Krishna
S**t happens rama rama.
T.V. Evangelism
Send more s**it.
Atheism
No s**t.
Jehova's Witness
Knock knock, s**t happens.
Hedonism
There's nothing like a good s**t happening.
Christian Science
S**t happens in your mind.
Agnosticism
Maybe s**t happens, maybe it doesn't.
Rastafarianism
Let's smoke this s**t.
Existentialism
What is s**t anyway?
Stoicism
This s**it doesn't bother me.
-m. 😉