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General Forum

  1. Joined
    27 Dec '05
    Moves
    143878
    21 Dec '13 18:30
    My mate asked me what I was getting my missus for xmas , I said "something with diamonds" he said " oh ,a necklace or a ring ? " I replied " no a pack of cards "
  2. Standard memberChessPraxis
    Cowboy From Hell
    American West
    Joined
    19 Apr '10
    Moves
    55013
    21 Dec '13 18:48
    One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BAS**RD!!!!"
  3. Subscriberdivegeester
    Racist, apparently
    Dumnonia
    Joined
    16 Feb '08
    Moves
    88343
    21 Dec '13 18:51
    Originally posted by ChessPraxis
    One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued ...[text shortened]... rink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BAS**RD!!!!"
    Shouldn't that be the Scotsman not the Irishman?
  4. Standard memberChessPraxis
    Cowboy From Hell
    American West
    Joined
    19 Apr '10
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    55013
    21 Dec '13 18:52
    Originally posted by divegeester
    Shouldn't that be the Scotsman not the Irishman?
    Shhhh...I'm trying to piss off Trev. 😕
  5. Subscriberdivegeester
    Racist, apparently
    Dumnonia
    Joined
    16 Feb '08
    Moves
    88343
    21 Dec '13 18:56
    Originally posted by ChessPraxis
    Shhhh...I'm trying to piss off Trev. 😕
    Haha
  6. Standard membervivify
    rain
    Joined
    08 Mar '11
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    9780
    21 Dec '13 19:57
    Originally posted by divegeester
    Shouldn't that be the Scotsman not the Irishman?
    Wait...are Scotsmen stereotyped to be stupid?
  7. Joined
    14 Mar '04
    Moves
    97209
    21 Dec '13 20:04
    Originally posted by vivify
    Wait...are Scotsmen stereotyped to be stupid?
    You live under a rock?
  8. Standard memberChessPraxis
    Cowboy From Hell
    American West
    Joined
    19 Apr '10
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    55013
    21 Dec '13 20:15
    Originally posted by vivify
    Wait...are Scotsmen stereotyped to be stupid?
    No, Polish people and Americans are stupid, Scots are cheap. 😛
  9. Joined
    14 Mar '04
    Moves
    97209
    21 Dec '13 20:34
    Originally posted by ChessPraxis
    No, Polish people and Americans are stupid, Scots are cheap. 😛
    Please we are frugal not cheap.
  10. Subscriberhuckleberryhound
    Devout Agnostic.
    DZ-015
    Joined
    12 Oct '05
    Moves
    42038
    21 Dec '13 20:36
    What did the the Homeless amputee with Aids get for Christmas?


    Cancer.
  11. Standard memberFrank Burns
    Great Big Stees
    Account suspended
    Joined
    12 Mar '04
    Moves
    10441
    21 Dec '13 20:41
    Originally posted by huckleberryhound
    What did the the Homeless amputee with Aids get for Christmas?


    Cancer.
    Now that is laugh out loud funny! 🙂

    I got my wife a ring for Christmas.
    Yeah, the one around the tub.
  12. Joined
    27 Dec '05
    Moves
    143878
    21 Dec '13 20:46
    I bought a pair of tortoise skin shoes the other day , it took me 4 hours getting out the shop ..Then I went to Paris and tried some frogs legs ... never again ! they kicked all my peas of my plate ..
  13. Standard memberChessPraxis
    Cowboy From Hell
    American West
    Joined
    19 Apr '10
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    55013
    22 Dec '13 00:17
    French toast is just regular toast that wears a beret, smokes cigarettes and has a tiny mustache.
  14. In your face
    Joined
    21 Aug '04
    Moves
    55993
    22 Dec '13 00:36
    Originally posted by huckleberryhound
    What did the the Homeless amputee with Aids get for Christmas?


    Cancer.
    Two people didn't get it.
  15. Wat?
    Joined
    16 Aug '05
    Moves
    76863
    22 Dec '13 01:38
    Seeing as it's a religious time, for many:

    Religious S**t

    Taoism
    S**t happens.

    Buddhism
    If s**t happens, it's not really s**t.

    Islam
    If s**t happens, it's the will of Allah.

    Protestantism
    S**t happens because you don't work hard enough.

    Judaism
    Why does this s**t always happen to us?

    Hinduism
    This s**t happened before.

    Catholicism
    S**t happens because you're bad.

    Hare Krishna
    S**t happens rama rama.

    T.V. Evangelism
    Send more s**it.

    Atheism
    No s**t.

    Jehova's Witness
    Knock knock, s**t happens.

    Hedonism
    There's nothing like a good s**t happening.

    Christian Science
    S**t happens in your mind.

    Agnosticism
    Maybe s**t happens, maybe it doesn't.

    Rastafarianism
    Let's smoke this s**t.

    Existentialism
    What is s**t anyway?

    Stoicism
    This s**it doesn't bother me.

    -m. 😉
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