jokes

What is green at the beginning and red at the end?

A frog in a blender.

An elderly man at the doctor:

- Do you have regular bowel movement?

- Oh yes every day at 8 in the morning.

- Fine!
- No. I only stand up at 9...

Einstein, Newton and Pascal agree on a game of hide and seek. Einstein will do the searching part. He turns and begins to count.

Pascal runs to hide while Newton draws a square of 1 m by 1 m around himself.

Einstein finishes couting and sees Newton. "I found you Newton!"
"No, you found 1 Newton per square meter, so you found Pascal!"

The Orient Express stops in Budapest to take on passengers. An Englishmen gets aboard and walks along the aisle looking for a seat. All the seats are occupied by passengers, but for one upon which a French poodle is seated. The Englishman leans over to the dog's owner, an elegantly dressed French woman, and asks, "Excuse me madam, but might I have that seat?” The woman replies, "Oh, no, that seat is for my dog, Fifi." Disgusted, the Englishman walks to the back of the coach in a huff and stands in the aisle. The train carries on and stops at Vienna. An Austrian gets aboard and walks along the aisle looking for a seat. He too asks the French woman, “excuse me madam, but might I have that seat?” The woman replies, "Oh, no, that seat is for my dog, Fifi." Disgusted, the Austrian walks to the back of the coach in a huff and stands next to the Englishman. The train carries on to Munich. An American gets on board, peruses the seating arrangement, and also speaks to the French woman, “Hey lady, can I have that seat?” The woman replies, "Oh, no, that is for my dog, Fifi." The American leans over, opens the window, throws the dog off the train, and plunks himself down on the empty seat. At the back of the train, the Englishman is overheard to mutter, “Stupid Yank, threw the wrong one off the train.”