1. Joined
    14 Mar '04
    Moves
    175604
    19 Feb '24 16:38
    If April showers bring May flowers what to May flowers bring?

    Pilgrims.🤔😲
  2. SubscriberThe Gravedigger
    Jack Torrance
    Overlook Hotel
    Joined
    04 Feb '11
    Moves
    46698
    19 Feb '24 17:39
    @ghost-of-a-duke said
    I heard that by law you need to turn on your headlights when it's raining in Sweden.

    How the hell am I supposed to know when it's raining in Sweden?
    When I was on the London underground there was a sign next to the escalator saying dogs must be carried. I thought to myself what if you don't have a dog.
  3. SubscriberGhost of a Duke
    Resident of Planet X
    The Ghost Chamber
    Joined
    14 Mar '15
    Moves
    28710
    19 Feb '24 17:45
    @the-gravedigger said
    When I was on the London underground there was a sign next to the escalator saying dogs must be carried. I thought to myself what if you don't have a dog.
    😀
  4. Subscribermoonbus
    Über-Nerd
    Joined
    31 May '12
    Moves
    8246
    19 Feb '24 18:02
    @the-gravedigger said
    When I was on the London underground there was a sign next to the escalator saying dogs must be carried. I thought to myself what if you don't have a dog.
    When I went to the subway, there was sign which said "WET FLOOR", so I unzipped my trousers and .... got arrested for indecent exposure.
  5. SubscriberThe Gravedigger
    Jack Torrance
    Overlook Hotel
    Joined
    04 Feb '11
    Moves
    46698
    21 Feb '24 00:59
    A policeman came up to me yesterday and said 'I am looking for a man with one eye.'
    I said 'You will find him faster if you use both eyes.'
  6. Subscriberhappy chappy
    I think not alot
    On my arse
    Joined
    08 Jan '17
    Moves
    55013
    21 Feb '24 07:17

    Removed by poster

  7. Standard memberpawnpaw
    Please Pay Attention
    Lethabong
    Joined
    02 Apr '10
    Moves
    96890
    21 Feb '24 14:35
    Vegan: "That chicken you're eating had a family!
    What have you got to say for yourself?!"
    Me: "That's why I ordered a family bucket!
    No-one gets left behind!"
  8. Subscribermoonbus
    Über-Nerd
    Joined
    31 May '12
    Moves
    8246
    27 Feb '24 05:54
    According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-10), there are five criteria for confirming a diagnosis of dyscalculia. I fulfil seven of them.
  9. SubscriberEarl of Trumps
    Pawn Whisperer
    My Kingdom fora Pawn
    Joined
    09 Jan '19
    Moves
    18458
    01 Mar '24 23:31
    .

    Why do dogs lick your nose?

    Because they know you won't get on all 4's and pull your pants down.
  10. PenTesting
    Joined
    04 Apr '04
    Moves
    249709
    02 Mar '24 01:50
    W: Honey, Im going out for a few hours. Do you need anything?

    H: Thats all I need. Thanks.
  11. Subscriberhappy chappy
    I think not alot
    On my arse
    Joined
    08 Jan '17
    Moves
    55013
    02 Mar '24 02:21

    Removed by poster

  12. SubscriberKewpie
    since 1-Feb-07
    Australia
    Joined
    20 Jan '09
    Moves
    385887
    02 Mar '24 04:52
    Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other "How do you drive this thing?"
  13. SubscriberPianoman1
    Nil desperandum
    Seedy piano bar
    Joined
    09 May '08
    Moves
    279058
    07 Mar '24 07:00
    To be frank I’d have to change my name.
  14. SubscriberGhost of a Duke
    Resident of Planet X
    The Ghost Chamber
    Joined
    14 Mar '15
    Moves
    28710
    07 Mar '24 09:28
    One of the animals in the local zoo is pregnant, but nobody is comfortable talking about it.

    It's the elephant in the womb.
  15. SubscriberGhost of a Duke
    Resident of Planet X
    The Ghost Chamber
    Joined
    14 Mar '15
    Moves
    28710
    12 Mar '24 15:23
    How do you make Budweiser?

    Send him to school.
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