offensive or provocative usernames

Originally posted by darvlay
I will lose it once this peak I'm at starts to dwindle off. Should be in a few decades or so what with all the magic potions and such.

Why do you talk about your boyfriend so much in these forums? Don't you take into consideration the potentially lonely people on this site who may find it painful to hear you spew such mushy nonsense? I find it extrem ...[text shortened]... even the name "alexeilikeslittleboys" even if he does like them in a playful, innocent manor.

Oh Sarah can talk about him if she likes. I'm sure everyone at the site is happy for her and not pittying themselves. And those who do feel sorry for themselves are greedy and need to figure out why they can't get a relationship instead of complaining about Sarah being happy!

Originally posted by darvlay
I will lose it once this peak I'm at starts to dwindle off. Should be in a few decades or so what with all the magic potions and such.

Why do you talk about your boyfriend so much in these forums? Don't you take into consideration the potentially lonely people on this site who may find it painful to hear you spew such mushy nonsense? I find it extrem ...[text shortened]... even the name "alexeilikeslittleboys" even if he does like them in a playful, innocent manor.

To clarify for those without a sense of humor. I don't find ladies talking about their fiancee's offensive. It was a means to deliver the joke about alexei and his penchant for young boys. It was also meant to bring the thread full-circle in a literary kind of way.

Sarah loves Alex forever and ever. Ain't they cute?

Originally posted by darvlay
Wow, you're easily offended. How do watch television, read books or listen to music in your hyper-fragile state?

i am not going to bother to reply to people who have been too lazy to read previous posts in this discussion. go back and read the long post i wrote on page 4, this thread. your 'point' if i may thus dignify what you wrote, is addressed there. until then talk to the hand.

Originally posted by dfm65
i am not going to bother to reply to people who have been too lazy to read previous posts in this discussion. go back and read the long post i wrote on page 4, this thread. your 'point' if i may thus dignify what you wrote, is addressed there. until then talk to the hand.

With all due respect, it does give one the impression that you may be -- dare I say -- "hypersensitive" when you are knit-picking names like "ToiletBoy" as being in some way offensive. I'm not saying you are, but I'm saying that's the way it seemed to me.

Perhaps some of us overreacted as a result, but you do realize that nobody likes feeling as if they need to be on pins and needles or are going to get reported in some way over the least little fart. In the end, the one who rocks the boat usually gets tossed out.

"Just go with the flow..."

-f

Originally posted by darvlay
To clarify for those without a sense of humor. I don't find ladies talking about their fiancee's offensive. It was a means to deliver the joke about alexei and his penchant for young boys. It was also meant to bring the thread full-circle in a literary kind of way.

Sarah loves Alex forever and ever. Ain't they cute?

Someone has a high opinion of his supposed sense of wittiness. Yes I love my man, and he loves me, and if you don't like it, guess what? you don't have to read it. I think it is really sad when someone is so bitter that they can't stand other people to be happy.

And Faith, I will be glad to throw down with you as well, and have a little wrestling match. I have been known to throw down a few cowboys in my life.

and btw, I haven't said that much about Alex lately, and I don't usually mention cookies lately until someone else brings it up.
omg, I get so tired of men who think so highly of themselves.

I don't need to be patted on the head and sent of to do girly things.
I thinkl I will go out and slaughter a few cows just to take the edge off my anger. 😀😛😛😛

Originally posted by elvendreamgirl
Someone has a high opinion of his supposed sense of wittiness. Yes I love my man, and he loves me, and if you don't like it, guess what? you don't have to read it. I think it is really sad when someone is so bitter that they can't stand other people to be happy.

And Faith, I will be glad to throw down with you as well, and have a little wrestl ...[text shortened]... s.
I thinkl I will go out and slaughter a few cows just to take the edge off my anger. 😀😛😛😛

who's bitter? you don't even know me. i love how people judge your character from one or two paragraphs on a message board. grow up elf girl 😛

Originally posted by dfm65
i am not going to bother to reply to people who have been too lazy to read previous posts in this discussion. go back and read the long post i wrote on page 4, this thread. your 'point' if i may thus dignify what you wrote, is addressed there. until then talk to the hand.

i don't have the patience to read ten pages. i just replied to the first one i saw. forgive my redhotpawn forum etiquette, i guess.

why are people so quick to lash out here? please tell me that, mr. hand.

Originally posted by dfm65
i think you make a good point, and to be honest, the only username i was REALLY offended by was 'andreilikeslittleboy' - the others just had the misfortune to be on page 1 of 'Public Games' when i looked, and i would not have posted on the strength of them alone. sure, i iwish their owners had been capable of a little more imagination / consideration or - ...[text shortened]... o other, considered points of view. anyone who simply wants to hurl abuse, please don't bother.

Okay, I took the time to read your post and I am somewhat surprised. You seem to be somewhat of a human paradox. Liberal minded when it comes to the arts but quick to disprove of anything distasteful which may come your way in an incidental manor. Very interesting. Usually someone who listens to Big Black (which I do) whose lyrical contents are mainly focused on mysogyny with violent overtones or watches violent Japanese movies (what's with those weird things anyway?) , wouldn't find the name 'andreilikeslittleboys' which is obviously a joke, offensive. Distasteful? Yes. Offensive and grounds for exile? Uh... I don't think so.

Originally posted by fierce

With all due respect, it does give one the impression that you may be -- dare I say -- "hypersensitive" when you are knit-picking names like "ToiletBoy" as being in some way offensive. I'm not saying you are, but I'm saying that's ...[text shortened]... t usually gets tossed out.

"Just go with the flow..."

-f

First of all, let me congratulate you on your less vitriolic response, and on expressing your view in a calmer and more coherent manner. In return, i will try to flesh out my view a little further so that it may be seen a little more clearly exactly what it is that i am objecting to. I think it is already there, or at least implied, in my posts to date, but it won't hurt to make everything as explicit as I can. I will also reply here to your specific concerns - although once again i think i have addressed at least some of these already - and also points raised by Nemesio and ElvenDreamGirl. There is quite a lot to say, and I think the best way to organise this is in the form of 'FAQs'.

Q1: What is the intent of your original post?
A1: All communities have standards of behaviour, and the RHP community is no exception. These are more or less spelled out in the Terms of Service (TOS), of which i will say more later. Ultimately the site administrators Russ and Chrismo decides what is ok and not ok here, but in my experience they are very open to input from members of the community. RHP is just a few years old, and so the standards of acceptable behaviour are still evolving. we are still in the process of deciding what kind of place we want this to be. My initial intent was to open a debate on one particular facet of this, viz choice of username. If you go back and read it, you will notice it merely asks a question. There is no mention of censorship, banning or any other proposed action. I am surprised at the vitriol my attempt to merely discuss this has attracted. In all honesty though, i should mention that i brought the usernames mentioned there to the attention of Russ. He agreed in the case of 'andreilikeslittleboy', changing it to 'andreilikeslittletoy', but decided to let the others stand. if that is the consensus of the administrators and the RHP community in general, then fine - i can live with it. but i reiterate my right to discuss the matter without having childish abuse hurled in my direction.

Q2: What exactly is it you are offended by in these user names?
A2: As mentioned in a previous post, I was primarily moved to act by the username 'andreilikeslittleboy'. i would like to distinguish between this, and the other names mentioned in my initial post, 'TOILET BOY' and 'checkmateBITCH', and deal with them as separate cases.
First up, 'andrei...'. I think this has a strong connotation of paedophilia. I reiterate that i do not accuse the owner of this activity, but yes i find it offensive, as i would a username that condoned racism, mysogyny, rape, incest and perhaps one or two other things. These are all great social evils that have real victims in society who suffer a great deal, and choosing a name like this just is not acceptable, either here at RHP or in the wider community. Some of you will say 'well, that's your list, but it just comes down to your subjective opinion'. i disagree, and i will say why a little further on.
Those of you who have bothered to read my long post on pg4 will know that i am not offended by much else, in terms purely of subject matter. That is why, to answer Nemesio, i raised no objection to, and indeed participated in, the thread about 'Penis Shrinkage'. I am mature enough, and have enough world experience - more than most of my detractors i would imagine - not to be offended by sexual terms or whatever per se, with the abovementioned exceptions. there is no double standard involved, Nemesio, because i was offended by 'andrei...', and not by 'penis shrinkage', and chose to open a debate on the matter. if someone if offended by the latter, it is up to them to widen the debate to include this. collectively we should be able to decide on where to set the bar. but it doesn't have to be at the lowest possible level, as some have assumed. more on that later.
Now, to address 'TOILET BOY', 'checkmateBITCH', 'sheepslabia' and their ilk. I am not offended by these in the same way that i am by 'andrei...'. my initial post did not make this clear, and i take responsibility for any confusion that has arisen from this. i tried to make this distinction clear in the long pg4 post, but since some people haven't bothered to read this, they continued to be confused. the question we have to answer, people, is where are we going to set the bar for what is acceptable and what is not here at RHP. before continuing, let me quote the TOS on this, under section 6 'MEMBER CONDUCT': "You agree to not use the Service to...Post, email or otherwise make available any Content that is unlawful, harmful, threatening, abusive, harassing, tortious, defamatory, vulgar, obscene, libelous, invasive of another's privacy, hateful, or racially, ethnically or otherwise objectionable". I mention this to remind people that my views are not so far 'out there' as some have implied. technically, i would say that the owners of these usernames have violated the TOS in that their usernames are vulgar at the least.
Having said that, i fully recognise that we don't want a place where a small group of people impose their unrealistic standards on everyone else and initiate witch hunts and so on, a la the Taliban, McCarthyists, some fundamentalist Christians and Muslims and so on.
Ok, so why i am offended by these names? Well, it is not the names per se, in a sense. let's consider a person registering with RHP and faced with the decision of what username to choose. say the first thing that flashes into their head, for whatever reason, is 'sheepslabia'. this is how they want to be known to this new community of which they are about to become a member; this is their choice for the initial representation of their self. first point: some people are going to be offended by this. i believe that one should have consideration for other peoples' reasonable sensibilities, and one should refrain from behaviour that one knows will offend some reasonable members of the community. thus, i often use the 'f' word, the 'c' word, the mofo word and so on, but in context when i am sure they will not cause offence. i don't say those words to my grandmother, in restaurants and so on. my argument is that RHP is such a context, or rather, than ideally it would be one.
there are really just two possibilities: either someone choosing such a name does not realise that it will be offensive to a portion of the community, in which case i would say they have been inadequately socialised - perhaps they have been brought up in a trailer park, and thing the ideal way of resolving relationship problems is to appear on Jerry Springer. in this case, i think it is fair enough to send these people a message saying 'your behaviour is not acceptable to this community that you seek to join, for such-and-such a reason'. in this case, i am not so much offended as saddened for these people. however, i don't think this is really often the case: even classic sociopath serial killers pick up these elements of social behaviour, even if only to mimic them so as to appear normal and fit in. that's why their neighbours always say 'they were fairly quiet, always polite...'. so i don't think that there are many people who are not aware that such terms are going to be unacceptable in some contexts, and that a chess playing site is likely to be one of these contexts. the one mitigating factor i can think of is that RHP is an internet site, and you can find anything you want on the internet - there is no minimum standard. however, RHP or any other site, need not sink to the general level.
The more likely scenario is that they want to affront people, or simply do not care that they do. this is what offends me. it is as if someone has gestured obscenely to all of us from a passing car, secure in the knowledge that they will not be brought to account. if, while walking down the street, i pass someone wearing a tee-shirt with the words 'F*ck you' on it, i react in the same manner. these people know they are going to offend people, but rely on people's desire to avoid confrontation to get away with it.

Q3: what harm is done by these usernames, and why bother doing anything about it?
A3: i have put it that our task is to find a standard somewhere between anarchy and the draconian. one principle that has been formulated along these lines in the real word is that of liberalism, as espoused by John Stuart Mill and others. Basically, the principle is that if your behaviour does not hurt others, then it is you should be left alone to do what you want. I am sympathetic to this view, but differ from some people perhaps as to what constitutes 'hurt'. There is a tendency to take a materialistic view: that the only kinds of hurt that counts is physical or quasi-physical (eg financial) hurt; i disagree - i think one's sensibilities/psyche is also vulnerable to damage and that this should count when applying the above principle. thus, if someone is exposed to a username like sheepslabia, or worse, has to play them in a tournament or clan situation (these cases are one reason why one cannot choose to simply ignore these people), and they are offended, then they have suffered hurt. this is reason enough to insist that these people choose another username.
Q4: where do we set the bar? how do we decide?
A4: my suggestion is that, broadly, we adopt the standards prevailing in the wider community in liberal democratic societies. for example, suppose you want to change your name to 'F*ckwit' or sheepslabia, or name your newborn child this. the state will not allow you to. fair enough. if you start saying things like this in a restaurant, some customers will be offended, and the management would be considered well within their rights in asking you to leave.

EDIT: there was more, but i ran up against the max post size. will post it in this thread later...

Originally posted by darvlay
Distasteful? Yes. Offensive and grounds for exile? Uh... I don't think so.

Thank you for taking the time for reading my post. i have firther elucidated my position in another long post - perhaps you will also make time to read this. the 'paradox' you note is addressed there, i believe.
Please note that i have not advocated any action against the owners of these names, least of all exile. this is merely a conclusion many people have jumped to. The exception is that i asked Russ to change 'andrei...', and he agreed it was not acceptable.

Originally posted by darvlay
why are people so quick to lash out here? please tell me that, mr. hand.

Mr Hand says: if people become impatient with some posters, it is probably because those posters insist on leaping into discussions not having read what has gone before, and said people just get fed up with having to cover the same ground over and over...It probably also has something to do with the vitriol hurled their way by people who just leap to unjustified conclusions on what has been posted, or who for reasons known only to themselves are outraged that people should even seek to discuss things such as behavioural standards.

Originally posted by dfm65
Mr Hand says: if people become impatient with some posters, it is probably because those posters insist on leaping into discussions not having read what has gone before, and said people just get fed up with having to cover the same ground over and over...It probably also has something to do with the vitriol hurled their way by people who just leap to unjustifi ...[text shortened]... elves are outraged that people should even seek to discuss things such as behavioural standards.

I could definitely see how that would be annoying.

But in all fairness, there was no way I was going to read 130 messages before insisting my two cents upon you... 🙂

But just to accustom you to the workings of my brain, if you ever see (or read) me hurl vitriol at someone - you will know. It is not ambiguous nor is it eloquent - it is just plain nasty. So when I crack the odd joke or say the odd sarcastic comment, please take it with a grain of salt. I mean no harm.