A golfer was way behind in the championship game when he hit his ball into the rough. Bending to retrieve it, he came face to face with a leprechaun.
"Want some help with your game?" the leprechaun asked.
"That would be great!"
"OK," said the leprechaun."But for everytime I help, you'll lose one year of your sex life."
The golfer agreed and won the game.
Getting into his car later, he found the leprechaun sitting on his dashboard with a pad and pencil. "I helped you ten times," the leprechaun said. "That's ten years. Now, what's your name?"
"Father O'Malley."
Originally posted by Gizmo28No altar boys for 10 years.
A golfer was way behind in the championship game when he hit his ball into the rough. Bending to retrieve it, he came face to face with a leprechaun.
"Want some help with your game?" the leprechaun asked.
"That would be great!"
"OK," said the leprechaun."But for everytime I help, you'll lose one year of your sex life."
The golfer agreed and won the game. ...[text shortened]... eprechaun said. "That's ten years. Now, what's your name?"
"Father O'Malley."
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the freeway.
Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped George W Bush, Donald Rumsfeld, and Condeleeza Rice.
They're asking for a $300 million ransom,
otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire.
We're going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
"About a litre."
A grizzled old cowboy walks into a tavern in a small town in Montana orders a beer and a shot and sits down at a table by the window. He sits there sipping his drinks and watching the traffic pass slowly by when a young woman sits down next to him. After a short while she asks "Are you a real cowboy?" He thinks for a moment and responds "Well, I ride fence all day, rope, brand, tame wild horses, and herd cows. I never thought about it but I guess I am a real cowboy."
They sit there in silence sipping their drinks when she offers "I'm a lesbian. I think about women all of the time. I dream about them at night. I think about them when I'm showering, eating, driving to work and all day at work."
A short while passes when a young man sits down at the table with them, he too has a beer, sips on it and asks the cowboy "Are you a real cowboy?"
The cowboy responds "Well, I thought I was... turns out I'm a lesbian!"
A young son asks his father, "Dad, what's the difference between theory and reality?" The father responds, "Come on son, I'll show you". The father walks up to his wife and daughter and says, "excuse me ladies, but would you sleep with a guy if he offered you a million dollars?" Immediately the two women respond, "Absolutely!"
The father turns to the son and says, "Son, in theory your mother and sister are worth 2 Millon dollars, but in reality they're just a couple of sluts."
A boy was meeting his girlfriend's parents for the first time for dinner. After dinner, his girlfriend and her mother left the room to do the dishes, leaving him with the father and the dog Duke, who was sitting underneath the boy's chair. Unfortunately, it was a large dinner and he really had to fart. He stealthily let out a quiet, but audible, fart.
"Duke!" the dad yelled.
"This is great!" the boy thought. "He thinks the dog is farting!" So he let out another one.
"Duke!" the father barked. The boy thought he was home free so he let everything out at once in a really loud and smelly fart.
"Duke! Get out of there before the boy s***s on you!"
double post- but heres a contribution
Nuns are admitted to Heaven through a special gate and are expected to make one last confession before they become angels.
Several nuns are lined up at this gate waiting to be absolved of their last sins before they are made holy. "And so," says St. Peter, "have you ever had any contact with a penis?"
"Well," says the first Nun in line, "I did once just touch the tip of one with the tip of my finger."
"OK" says St. Peter, "Dip your finger in the holy water and pass on into heaven."
The next Nun admits that "Well, yes, I did once get carried away and I, you know, sort of massaged one a bit."
"OK" says St. Peter, "Rinse your hand in the holy water and pass on into heaven."
Suddenly there is some jostling in the line and one of the nuns is trying to cut in front.
"Well now, what's going on here?" says St. Peter.
"Well, your excellency," says the Nun who is trying to improve her position in line, "If I'm going to have to gargle that stuff, I want to do it before Sister Mary Thomas sticks her ass in it!"