Dear Ponderable, and everyone else, if I might comment briefly on my own entries before commenting on anybody else's; (Please feel free to ignore the following if you're not interested).
'Victoria's Wedding.'
Victoria, daughter to the Lord and Lady, is a quite major player in the series of novels what I have written, and I borrowed her for the story (she didn't mind). Michael is her brother, Rob and Terrance are new characters to me, and the story is original and written for the competition. In fact Victoria in real life is bisexual and mostly lesbian, her lover is a witch called Rebecca, although she (Victoria) has an infant child called Henry, the result of a casual heterosexual encounter....
'In which Reginald....'
Reginald also features strongly in my fiction writing, he's a retired surveyor, and is indeed strange, and deliberately so, but quite harmless. He is one of the favourite characters which I carry through life, and about whom I have thus far written 13 books. Again, he doesn't have a dog in his real persona, but who knows, he might get one in the next book....Ron, (the local mechanic) Will and Emily are also there all the way through, Will and Emily having met and fallen in love in Part I.
'A Reason to Live.'
A longer and better version of this does exist, and I agree that the story in its' reduced competition form is a bit 'clipped', and needed another two hundred words to flow properly. By way of variety and distraction I have a character in my books called Keith, who's the local builder, and who writes short stories in the evenings, and this is one of them, only in much longer form. For me this was the 'heart and soul' story, and I can't write or read about Rosa's escape from her cruel, Dickensian circumstance without tears coming to my eyes, I'm funny like that...
Anyway, it's been an interesting discipline for me to contain my naturally kind of flowing writing style to 800 words, and I've enjoyed it, mostly...I've also very much enjoyed reading everyone else's stories, and thanks a lot to all of you who voted for any of mine. I rarely suffer from 'writers block', but I often lack confidence in my writing, and I am encouraged (!), so thank you.
And thanks, Mr Ponderable, for your comments, which are appreciated.
Phil
@indonesia-phil saidA Reason to Live - 'The Scarlet Letter' comes to mind.
Dear Ponderable, and everyone else, if I might comment briefly on my own entries before commenting on anybody else's; (Please feel free to ignore the following if you're not interested).
'Victoria's Wedding.'
Victoria, daughter to the Lord and Lady, is a quite major player in the series of novels what I have written, and I borrowed her for the story (she didn't ...[text shortened]... ), so thank you.
And thanks, Mr Ponderable, for your comments, which are appreciated.
Phil
@indonesia-phil saidThe Reginald story made my top 4 old chap and was my personal favourite of your entries. (3 entries? Good God man, I thought your time was spent running some country or another). I particularly liked the line:
Dear Ponderable, and everyone else, if I might comment briefly on my own entries before commenting on anybody else's; (Please feel free to ignore the following if you're not interested).
'Victoria's Wedding.'
Victoria, daughter to the Lord and Lady, is a quite major player in the series of novels what I have written, and I borrowed her for the story (she didn't ...[text shortened]... ), so thank you.
And thanks, Mr Ponderable, for your comments, which are appreciated.
Phil
'It occurred to him that here was a metaphor for life, ones’ aims and ambitions so often being frustrated by the stuff of life falling upon one...'
@ponderable saidThank you for your kind words, Release was somewhat of a release for me too, while the initial 'Escape' becoming a suicide was an early thought, but one that I feared could polarise the readers. A truly dark theme in a World already too dark, and for a person to have a mind that could only see lightness or an end to their despair by ending their life was such a powerful story.
Release
I put this as my first choice and kept it in round two.
Admittedly it is a story of despair. But it captured me directly and led me to come to the conclusion of Natan. The missing respect by Mike, the utter failure to find things worthwhile, the necessity even to lie to make the better off feeling better...well done.
Also the vengeance aspect. To make someone ...[text shortened]... t it, the story pulled me in a modd to accept that as part of some higher justice.
Well done Paul
I tried to include as many annoyances into the story as the word count would allow:
1. Texting while driving;
2. Inconsiderate parking;
3. The ability to buy a qualification; and
4. People without any social consideration.
I did need to restrict the language for the RHP entry, as the interior monologue aspects were more 'colourful' in the initial draft, and only reduced to more PG-13 language after realising my error in the first version sent to Ponderable (sorry if I caused any scares!).
I truly believe that Nathan felt that his only choice was to end his life, and felt no remorse or changing of mind, even at the last moments.
If there are any questions, then feel free to ask.
@paul-a-roberts saidIt caused no fear, since I diodn't read your original submission, you did the editing yourself after I wrote something to the effect in the thread, but since the original storty is saved in the RHP-Prose-competition 2020 directory I might be tempted to read it 😉
Thank you for your kind words, Release was somewhat of a release for me too, while the initial 'Escape' becoming a suicide was an early thought, but one that I feared could polarise the readers. A truly dark theme in a World already too dark, and for a person to have a mind that could only see lightness or an end to their despair by ending their life was such a powerf ...[text shortened]... or changing of mind, even at the last moments.
If there are any questions, then feel free to ask.
@Ponderable
I would like to suggest 1,000 words next time. Several authors' stories would have benefitted from more detail, more background, to fill them out.
Of course, there can still be a micro-fiction contest with fewer words, for the very terse.
@moonbus saidI would like to second this suggestion.
@Ponderable
I would like to suggest 1,000 words next time. Several authors' stories would have benefitted from more detail, more background, to fill them out.
Of course, there can still be a micro-fiction contest with fewer words, for the very terse.
@ponderable saidMy story, Dogma, was inspired by two things.
Dogma
A cool idea, however I read a similar story by Stanislw lem some years ago (I will look for it, but that is very difficult). While the story is well executed and certainly follows a completely different path it feels still rough around the edges.
For me it is also unclear how the concept of sky could evolve in such a peculiar setting.
1. A painting by Robert Indermaur, who lived in Chur, Switzerland (I once lived there, which is how I came to know of his work). A reproduction of the painting is posted at:
http://www.crumplezone.de/indermaur.htm
2. A Start Trek episode titled "For The World Is Hollow And I Have Touched The Sky." It tells the story of a civilization living inside a planetoid, where the people do not know they are living inside a planetoid. A sky is projected onto the inside of the great dome of the planetoid's inner surface. It is forbidden to climb the mountains, for if you did you would discover that the sky is fake and that you were living inside a planetoid.
I tried to conjure up a dystopian-future Earth in which humanity has moved underground because the surface has become inhospitable ("A Boy And His Dog" ). So there is no projection of a fake sky, just buildings everywhere you look. But, or so I imagine, even a tyrannical regime, such as in "Fahrenheit 451", would not be able to eliminate every reference to 'sky' from the ancient literature, so some remnant must remain of the concept, however incoherent and inchoate.
Given 200 more words, I might have fixed this lacuna in my story.
@indonesia-phil saidI believe Kegg has already held his hand up for ownership.
Would the writer of 'Beyond the Horizon' like to come forward or PM me? That one got my number one place.
Was very well written.
@moonbus saidvery cool painting...that would inspire me to a different story...
My story, Dogma, was inspired by two things.
1. A painting by Robert Indermaur, who lived in Chur, Switzerland (I once lived there, which is how I came to know of his work). A reproduction of the painting is posted at:
http://www.crumplezone.de/indermaur.htm
2. A Start Trek episode titled "For The World Is Hollow And I Have Touched The Sky." It tells the story of a c ...[text shortened]... owever incoherent and inchoate.
Given 200 more words, I might have fixed this lacuna in my story.
...and it seems that I didn't get that it was actually a future earth. I thought you wrote about a hypothetical society...so my bad.
I agree that 1000 is expanding possibilities (thoough I even didn't touch the 800) and had voted accordingly.
@Ponderable
My entry was redacted from a longer piece, written some time ago but previously unpublished.
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@indonesia-phil saidTwo out of three of your stories were in my top 5. Well done! You are clearly very talented and I am not surprised at all you've written much more than these short stories. I wouldn't mind at all reading more of your work.
Dear Ponderable, and everyone else, if I might comment briefly on my own entries before commenting on anybody else's; (Please feel free to ignore the following if you're not interested).
'Victoria's Wedding.'
Victoria, daughter to the Lord and Lady, is a quite major player in the series of novels what I have written, and I borrowed her for the story (she didn't ...[text shortened]... ), so thank you.
And thanks, Mr Ponderable, for your comments, which are appreciated.
Phil
- Joined
- 23 Nov 09
- Moves
- 136561
@indonesia-phil saidThank you very much for giving top points, I am very flattered. The idea of using being caught in a black hole for the story was brewing for a few weeks in my mind. But somehow I had trouble getting it a form I liked. My first try was in the form of a dialogue between "light" and the "black hole" but I couldn't get the way I wanted. My second try was a monologue from the point of view of "light" as the universe was formed, and as the deadline approached I stuck to it. I realize it needs polishing but am content of the result nevertheless. The other great entries are really an inspiration to keep trying.
Would the writer of 'Beyond the Horizon' like to come forward or PM me? That one got my number one place.