Stay tuned. After the match, I plan on delivering a rousing rendition of that dumb speech from Rock IV:
"During the fight, I've seen a lot of changing, in the way I feel about you, and the way you feel about me. I guess what I'm trying to say is that if I can change, and you can change, everyone can change."
[loud applause, even by the politburo]
Cashthetrash's Acceptance Speech for the Best Derivative Sitcom Screenplay Oscar:
Thank you! Oh! Thank you! I can hardly believe this! I feel so surgically enhanced! And this statue - it's so Yul Brenner! Oh, thank you again! I just want everyone to secretly suspect that even in my wildest hallucinations, I never would have frantically prayed that this could ever validate my mediocrity. And to the other brilliant nominees, I want each of you to know how totally vindicated your lackluster applause makes me feel right now!
You know when they first told me I was nominated, I just had to take a minute and obsess about how generous my fans have been. I guess it all just makes me feel kinda special
You know, there are so many blood-sucking talentless success stories to thank! First off though, I want to bitch slap the esteemed idiots of the Academy, who looked deep within their Magic 8-Balls before giving me this fantastic award! Also, I want to thank my guru, for being such a powerful force in my contract negotiations. And to the hooker with the heart of gold, who taught me to take life by the fifth of bourbon. And finally, to all the sycophantic talk show hosts - I couldn't have done it without you!
Thank you RHP, and good night!
