Your questions are not so difficult, I can help out.
First thing, how many games you play, and the pace at which you play, is your business and yours alone. *Nobody* has any reason or any right to question you on those matters, or worse yet to insult you. You are here for your pleasure and owe no explanation to anyone regarding how much time you devote to it or when you do so.
Second thing, boiling it down to the simplest terms, you may consult any written source of chess information (and game databases are regarded as electronically "written" information) at any time during a game. You don't have to say anything about that to any opponent, and in fact most of us will simply assume that our opponents have access to opening books and such, though of course a lot of players take pleasure in finding their own way from the first few moves.
What you may NOT do is consult ANY source that calculates moves or makes decisions for you.
If you reach a rook + 3 pawns vs rook + 4 pawns ending, you may read all the endgame books you can find, you may look at historical games to see how Capablanca played such endgames, but you can't ask your roommate, Stockfish, or an endgame tablebase what you should play.
Likewise in the opening, say even something early and simple like the 3rd move of the QGD, you can read all the books you want, you can look at game databases to see how often Nf3 is chosen, you can find out what Botvinnik played back then or what Carlsen plays now, but you absolutely may not enter the position into a chess engine to make a choice for you.
Just to be perfectly clear though, there is nothing wrong with using a chess engine or doing postgame analysis with a friend after your games are finished.