A New Scandal: God vs. Mary

Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had
had an affair with a former worshipper. The scandal was begun when a
21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given
birth to God's "only son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of
Bethlehem. Sources close to Mary claim that she "had loved God for a
long time", that she was constantly talking about her relationship
with God, and that she was "thrilled to have had his child." In a
press conference this morning, God issued a vehement denial, saying
that "No sexual relationship existed", and that "the facts of this
story will come out in time, verily".
Independent counsel Kenneth Beezulbub immediately filed a brief with
the Justice department to expand his investigation to cover
questions of whether any commandments may have been broken, and
whether God had illegally funnelled laundered money to his
illegitimate child through three foreign operatives know only as the
"Wise Men". Beezulbub has issued subpoenas to several angels who are
rumored to have acted as go-betweens in the affair. Critics have
pointed out that these allegations have little to do with the
charges that Beezulbub was originally appointed to investigate, that
God had created large-scale flooding in order to cover up evidence
of a failed land deal. In recent months, Beezulbub's investigation
has already been expanded to cover questions surrounding the large
number of locusts that plagued God's political opponents in the last
election, as well as to claims that the destruction of the cities of
Sodom and Gomorah was to divert attention away from a scandal
involving whether the giveaway of a parcel of public land in
Promised County to a Jewish special interest group was quid pro quo
for political contributions.>
If these allegations prove to be true, then this could be a huge
blow to God's career, much of which has been spent crusading for
stricter moral standards and harsher punishments for
wrongdoers. Indeed, God recently outlined a "tough-on-crime" plan
consisting of a series of 10 "Commandments", which has been
introduced in Congress in a bill by Rep. Moses. Critics of the bill
have pointed out that it lacks any provisions for the rehabilitation
of criminals, and lawyers for the ACLU are planning to fight the
"Name in Vain" Commandment as being an unconstitutional restriction
on free speech.

Originally posted by Omnislash
Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had
had an affair with a former worshipper. The scandal was begun when a
21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given
birth to God's "only son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of
Bethlehem. Sources close to Mary claim that she "had loved God for a
long tim ...[text shortened]... ht the
"Name in Vain" Commandment as being an unconstitutional restriction
on free speech.

Originally posted by Omnislash
Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had
had an affair with a former worshipper. The scandal was begun when a
21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given
birth to God's "only son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of
Bethlehem. Sources close to Mary claim that she "had loved God for a
long tim ...[text shortened]... ht the
"Name in Vain" Commandment as being an unconstitutional restriction
on free speech.

nice try but mary was younger than 21 and it was the holy spirit that decended on the virgin, and as im to understand no sexual activity took place. have a nice life.

Originally posted by stoker
nice try but mary was younger than 21 and it was the holy spirit that decended on the virgin, and as im to understand no sexual activity took place. have a nice life.

Originally posted by stoker
nice try but mary was younger than 21 and it was the holy spirit that decended on the virgin, and as im to understand no sexual activity took place. have a nice life.

Originally posted by Omnislash
Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had
had an affair with a former worshipper. The scandal was begun when a
21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given
birth to God's "only son" ...[text shortened]... andment as being an unconstitutional restriction
on free speech.