1. Standard memberOmnislash
    Digital Blasphemy
    Omnipresent
    Joined
    16 Feb '03
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    21533
    06 Jun '05 22:36
    Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had
    had an affair with a former worshipper. The scandal was begun when a
    21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given
    birth to God's "only son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of
    Bethlehem. Sources close to Mary claim that she "had loved God for a
    long time", that she was constantly talking about her relationship
    with God, and that she was "thrilled to have had his child." In a
    press conference this morning, God issued a vehement denial, saying
    that "No sexual relationship existed", and that "the facts of this
    story will come out in time, verily".
    Independent counsel Kenneth Beezulbub immediately filed a brief with
    the Justice department to expand his investigation to cover
    questions of whether any commandments may have been broken, and
    whether God had illegally funnelled laundered money to his
    illegitimate child through three foreign operatives know only as the
    "Wise Men". Beezulbub has issued subpoenas to several angels who are
    rumored to have acted as go-betweens in the affair. Critics have
    pointed out that these allegations have little to do with the
    charges that Beezulbub was originally appointed to investigate, that
    God had created large-scale flooding in order to cover up evidence
    of a failed land deal. In recent months, Beezulbub's investigation
    has already been expanded to cover questions surrounding the large
    number of locusts that plagued God's political opponents in the last
    election, as well as to claims that the destruction of the cities of
    Sodom and Gomorah was to divert attention away from a scandal
    involving whether the giveaway of a parcel of public land in
    Promised County to a Jewish special interest group was quid pro quo
    for political contributions.>
    If these allegations prove to be true, then this could be a huge
    blow to God's career, much of which has been spent crusading for
    stricter moral standards and harsher punishments for
    wrongdoers. Indeed, God recently outlined a "tough-on-crime" plan
    consisting of a series of 10 "Commandments", which has been
    introduced in Congress in a bill by Rep. Moses. Critics of the bill
    have pointed out that it lacks any provisions for the rehabilitation
    of criminals, and lawyers for the ACLU are planning to fight the
    "Name in Vain" Commandment as being an unconstitutional restriction
    on free speech.
  2. Standard memberjimmyb270
    Top Gun
    Angels 20
    Joined
    27 Aug '03
    Moves
    10619
    07 Jun '05 12:23
    Originally posted by Omnislash
    Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had
    had an affair with a former worshipper. The scandal was begun when a
    21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given
    birth to God's "only son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of
    Bethlehem. Sources close to Mary claim that she "had loved God for a
    long tim ...[text shortened]... ht the
    "Name in Vain" Commandment as being an unconstitutional restriction
    on free speech.
    Genius 😀
  3. London
    Joined
    02 Mar '04
    Moves
    36061
    07 Jun '05 12:27
    Originally posted by Omnislash
    Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had
    had an affair with a former worshipper. The scandal was begun when a
    21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given
    birth to God's "only son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of
    Bethlehem. Sources close to Mary claim that she "had loved God for a
    long tim ...[text shortened]... ht the
    "Name in Vain" Commandment as being an unconstitutional restriction
    on free speech.
    Priceless. 🙂

    Gets my rec.
  4. England
    Joined
    15 Nov '03
    Moves
    33497
    07 Jun '05 12:33
    nice try but mary was younger than 21 and it was the holy spirit that decended on the virgin, and as im to understand no sexual activity took place. have a nice life.
  5. Standard memberOmnislash
    Digital Blasphemy
    Omnipresent
    Joined
    16 Feb '03
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    21533
    07 Jun '05 21:532 edits
    Originally posted by stoker
    nice try but mary was younger than 21 and it was the holy spirit that decended on the virgin, and as im to understand no sexual activity took place. have a nice life.
    Oh, ok, well thanks for clearing that up. I wish you a happy and proserous life as well my friend, especially one in which there is a dictionary open with 'humor' highlighted. 😉
  6. Joined
    14 May '03
    Moves
    89724
    07 Jun '05 23:13
    Originally posted by stoker
    nice try but mary was younger than 21 and it was the holy spirit that decended on the virgin, and as im to understand no sexual activity took place. have a nice life.
    Younger than 21!

    How much younger?

    Are you suggestion we add unlawful carnal knowledge to the list?
  7. SubscriberBigDoggProblem
    The Advanced Mind
    bigdogghouse.com/RHP
    Joined
    26 Nov '04
    Moves
    110364
    08 Jun '05 04:031 edit
    Originally posted by Omnislash
    Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had
    had an affair with a former worshipper. The scandal was begun when a
    21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given
    birth to God's "only son" ...[text shortened]... andment as being an unconstitutional restriction
    on free speech.
    This one looked a bit too good to be true. A dogg's nose can always sniff out a plaigarization!

    This one's been making the rounds through e-mail. This is the closest I could find to a claim of authorship:

    http://www.funny.co.uk/stuff/art_174-663-Divine-Press-release-Turmoil-in-Heaven-By-Andyroo.html
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