Are trauma survivors too attached to their trauma?

I will bow out of these forums with this parting thought.

‘There are those who dare to suggest that trauma-survivors are too attached to their trauma. That they are perpetuating their victimhood. That they are choosing to remain stuck. Easy for them to say- they either didn’t experience as much trauma, or they have worked some of it through, or they are in complete denial. It’s been my experience that those who are the most affixed to the argument that we ‘choose’ our traumas, are usually the ones who are dissociating from them the most. Their adherence to dissociative new age beliefs about choice, and victimhood, are a dead giveaway.

Let’s be clear about what we are talking about. Trauma is an embodied experience. It lives in people's bones, veins, arteries, tissues, muscles, organs. It’s in their cells, hearts and souls. Yes, it is often possible to heal it, but not always. Not in a culture that buries it and that has few methodologies for deep healing. Not in a world that is still actively victimizing.

Rather than making the assumption that trauma survivors are perpetuating their victimhood, let’s do something different. Let’s hear their stories with a compassionate heart. Let's listen. Perhaps if we listen close enough, we will also begin to hear our own unresolved wounds rising to the surface, ready to be shared.’

-Jeff Brown

@dj2becker said
I will bow out of these forums with this parting thought.

‘There are those who dare to suggest that trauma-survivors are too attached to their trauma. That they are perpetuating their victimhood. That they are choosing to remain stuck. Easy for them to say- they either didn’t experience as much trauma, or they have worked some of it through, or they are in complete deni ...[text shortened]... o begin to hear our own unresolved wounds rising to the surface, ready to be shared.’

-Jeff Brown

Good post dj.

Wish you wouldn't go. You do have allies here. Together, in time, we may expose the hypocrisy of the naysayers posting in this forum. But even if we don't, in the final analysis the truth will out.

Live well. Keep your eyes on Jesus.

@secondson said
Wish you wouldn't go. You do have allies here. Together, in time, we may expose the hypocrisy of the naysayers posting in this forum. But even if we don't, in the final analysis the truth will out.

Firstly what you call naysaying hypocrisy is actually honest forthright disagreement and you need to grow up and get used to it instead of behaving like a brittle juvenile.

Secondly, you’ve had about 5 years to show your alleged allegiance to dj2becker/fetchmyjunk, it’s a bit tawdry to use his leaving announcement as an opportunity to jab at your detractors when you’ve don’t nothing to demonstrate said loyalty.

Pathetic.

@dj2becker said
I will bow out of these forums with this parting thought.

You’ll be back, probably under a different username but you will be spotted straight away like you were last time when you left as Fetchmyjunk.

@dj2becker said
‘There are those who dare to suggest that trauma-survivors are too attached to their trauma. That they are perpetuating their victimhood. That they are choosing to remain stuck. Easy for them to say- they either didn’t experience as much trauma, or they have worked some of it through, or they are in complete denial.’

Are you perpetuating your victimhood? You insist you didn't suffer much. You insist you weren't psychologically abused. You claim you knew nothing about the terrible things that went on till much later after you had left. You have made it quite clear that you never saw yourself as suffering trauma let alone any emotional deprivation. Are you "in denial" perhaps?

You have changed your story as time has passed in order to play down the inconvenience of what you had claimed previously. You have defended the actions of your family on moral grounds and not on the grounds of diminished responsibility ~ the kind of stuff petewxyz talked about.

On another thread, you raised the topic of something bad being exposed but you refused to discuss the moral dimensions. You appear to have bailed out of that having played some kind of victim card.

If someone is suffering from mental health issues as a result of psychological abuse, I get it. They enter a realm where moral analysis is hazy and not always appropriate.

But in the case of your parents' failure to warn others about what happened to their daughter ~ a story you chose to tell ~ you defended their actions on moral grounds and not in terms of them being rendered "unfit to parent" by "trauma". And you still do this a decade or more later, ten years or more after freeing yourself from your cult, which provides information about your moral compass.

Why? Is it because you now see yourself - and want to portray yourself - as a "trauma-survivor" who is "too attached to [your] trauma, and that you may be "perpetuating [your] victimhood" but you are powerless about doing so? It would be a change of tune if you did.

Assuming what you have claimed about yourself is true, just for the sake of argument, do you think your moral compass has been affected by what happened to you?

@dj2becker said
I will bow out of these forums with this parting thought.

It's the umpteenth time you've made an announcement like this.

And once again you raise something and immediately signal that you are unwilling to discuss it.

Oh well... good riddance, as they say.

@secondson said
Together, in time, we may expose the hypocrisy of the naysayers posting in this forum.

I have yet to see you ever use the word "hypocrisy" correctly, despite you squirting it at people a lot, and despite being repeatedly alerted to the rather illiterate way you brandish it.

@secondson said
Good post dj.

Wish you wouldn't go. You do have allies here. Together, in time, we may expose the hypocrisy of the naysayers posting in this forum. But even if we don't, in the final analysis the truth will out.

Live well. Keep your eyes on Jesus.

This may or may not be my final thread. We’ll see how it goes. 😅

@fmf said
Are you perpetuating your victimhood? You insist you didn't suffer much. You insist you weren't psychologically abused. You claim you knew nothing about the terrible things that went on till much later after you had left. You have made it quite clear that you never saw yourself as suffering trauma let alone any emotional deprivation. Are you "in denial" perhaps?

You have chan ...[text shortened]... for the sake of argument, do you think your moral compass has been affected by what happened to you?

Would you mind quoting me exactly where I said my family failed to warn other people? To be frank I was a five year old when the event happened. I only found out about it in my 20s. I have no idea exactly when my parents found out and how many people they warned when they did, but it was many years after the event that they actually found out and by that time the perpetrator was already in prison. Please leave my family out of any future discussions. I do not wish to discuss them with you any further.

@dj2becker said
I will bow out of these forums with this parting thought.

‘There are those who dare to suggest that trauma-survivors are too attached to their trauma. That they are perpetuating their victimhood. That they are choosing to remain stuck. Easy for them to say- they either didn’t experience as much trauma, or they have worked some of it through, or they are in complete deni ...[text shortened]... o begin to hear our own unresolved wounds rising to the surface, ready to be shared.’

-Jeff Brown

I tend to agree with the idea that trauma can be carried forward indefinitely, without any permanent solution ever.

People tend to be radically changed by the things that happen to them and, even if they recover from them and regain joy and normalcy for the most part, they still have the memory and certain aversions...

Not only is this acceptable, but, to some extent, I think it can be a sign of maturity. For what causes a 14 year old to make less inappropriate jokes around his uncle when he figures out that he isn't that impressed by it? The disappointment and embarrassment from when the jokes fell flat. Of course, this falls short of trauma, but these mechanics can play out on nonetheless...

The man who lived through the trauma of being beaten to a pulp by a bunch of burly drunks doesn't need to be told twice about how dangerous too much drink is, for instance. So, in a sense, he has some level of maturation and wisdom gained through trauma, that will not ever leave him.

Perhaps this is a bit clumsily worded, especially considering that I may be subjected to the microscope by the usual suspects, but the idea is valid.

@dj2becker said
Please leave my family out of any future discussions. I do not wish to discuss them with you any further.

You brought your family up. You brought what happened to their daughter up. You claimed your parents acted in a morally sound way when they chose not to alert anyone.

Why not just modify your story so that you attribute to them actions that are easier to defend from a moral standpoint? People might latch on to the new version.

But it's moot. You don't have to discuss these moral issues with me and never did: it was always you who chose to subject them to scrutiny.

Seeing as you are now no longer going to post on this forum, obviously, your moral perspectives are no longer going to be discussed.

@philokalia said
The man who lived through the trauma of being beaten to a pulp by a bunch of burly drunks doesn't need to be told twice about how dangerous too much drink is, for instance. So, in a sense, he has some level of maturation and wisdom gained through trauma, that will not ever leave him.

I think the analogy works. If people were being beaten to a pulp by a bunch of burly drunks down the same sidestreet and the victim you mention knew that it was a nightly occurrence and so made sure he never went down that particular sidestreet again, would his trauma about his own beating - even if severe - excuse him from any moral obligation to warn his friends and neighbours or even to tip off the authorities?

@fmf said
Seeing as you are now no longer going to post on this forum, obviously, your moral perspectives are no longer going to be discussed.

No more recaps for the benefit of other posters who happened to support him, however briefly, despite contradictory positions from years ago? I'm disappointed. 🤔

@bigdoggproblem said
No more recaps for the benefit of other posters who happened to support him, however briefly, despite contradictory positions from years ago? I'm disappointed.

He's made his position clear; thusly, just yesterday, I think: "Don’t worry I won’t be returning." Presumably, this only applies to the screen name "dj2becker", though.

@dj2becker said
I will bow out of these forums with this parting thought.

No you won't.