Jesus vs Spiderman: who would win?

Originally posted by Blackamp
and Bakunin?

No, just Marx. Bakunin can stay.

Originally posted by Blackamp
and Bakunin?

Lol.
...Of course Jesus would find a way to 'win over' Spidey. After alll he's supposed to have all that...charm?

Originally posted by Blackamp
Jesus superpowers:

bringing people back from the dead;
rising from the dead (takes three days);
turning water into wine;
healing leprosy and blindness;
exorcising demons;
multiplying bread and fishes;
walking on water;
powerful dad;


Spidey superpowers:

shooting web from wrists to tangle up opponents, and also to get around in skyscraper e ...[text shortened]... racks during fights;

i think it would be a close thing, but maybe Jesus would have an edge.

There is no spiderman! 🙄

Originally posted by josephw
There is no spiderman! 🙄

But the holy texts of Marvel Comics are evidence for his existence. You probably lack the faith to discern the truth of them though, since you're not a believer. 😏

[Pray to Stan Lee and hope he will be gracious enough to grant you deliverance...]

I have an early Spiderman translation, so I know for a fact he's real.

Originally posted by Zahlanzi
topics like this are retarded when even when you compare chuck norris and bruce lee. but when you compare a pacifist with a geek kid you really go to new heights of stupidity.


how about winnie the pooh vs Sarah palin?
the michelin mascot vs attila the hun?
snickers vs mars?

spidey, easy win, jesus would just keep turning the other cheek. spidey
would just pummel him.

palin, easy win, she'd hunt that little bear to extinction.
attila, easy win, he'd be thown at first not knowing what the hell he was fighting but once he was gathered it would be a blood bath, michelin man having no known weapons or fighting skills.
snickers, just, an epic battle lasting for weeks would see the snicker edge it, his nutty inside just giving him an extra 1%.

Originally posted by stellspalfie
spidey, easy win, jesus would just keep turning the other cheek. spidey
would just pummel him.

palin, easy win, she'd hunt that little bear to extinction.
attila, easy win, he'd be thown at first not knowing what the hell he was fighting but once he was gathered it would be a blood bath, michelin man having no known weapons or fighting skills.
sni ...[text shortened]... lasting for weeks would see the snicker edge it, his nutty inside just giving him an extra 1%.

You're wrong about the Michelin Man. There are commercials out right now showing him defeating the rampaging Evil Gas Pump by flinging tires at it with devastating effect. I say Attila gets unhorsed long before he gets within striking range.

YouTube

Originally posted by SwissGambit
But the holy texts of Marvel Comics are evidence for his existence. You probably lack the faith to discern the truth of them though, since you're not a believer. 😏

[Pray to Stan Lee and hope he will be gracious enough to grant you deliverance...]

Amongst the finds in the Nag Hammadi library was a Gnostic edition of Spiderman that was never included in the Marvel canon of scripture. In that version, Spiderman came to impart the secret knowledge of the spidey-sense within us all.

Originally posted by SwissGambit
[Pray to Stan Lee and hope he will be gracious enough to grant you deliverance...]

Stan Lee = (El) Satan

Originally posted by Palynka
Stan Lee = (El) Satan

Agh!

How DARE you blaspheme GOD like that! 😠😠😠😠😠😠😠😠

Originally posted by Blackamp
Jesus superpowers:

bringing people back from the dead;
rising from the dead (takes three days);
turning water into wine;
healing leprosy and blindness;
exorcising demons;
multiplying bread and fishes;
walking on water;
powerful dad;


Spidey superpowers:

shooting web from wrists to tangle up opponents, and also to get around in skyscraper e ...[text shortened]... racks during fights;

i think it would be a close thing, but maybe Jesus would have an edge.

Easy. Jesus wins. Technically, Spiderman's powers came from a radioactive spider bite, which makes his powers a malady. Jesus just heals him and his powers go away!

Originally posted by sbacat
Easy. Jesus wins. Technically, Spiderman's powers came from a radioactive spider bite, which makes his powers a malady. Jesus just heals him and his powers go away!

Ok, but who has a keener sense? Like from how far away can spidey detect that Jesus is going to try to heal him?
Maybe Spidey will just go off and swing around some buildings to keep away from Jesus,(Jesus is pretty slow, right?), until he comes up with some masterplan to thwart Jesus' healing powers.

Originally posted by karoly aczel
Ok, but who has a keener sense? Like from how far away can spidey detect that Jesus is going to try to heal him?
Maybe Spidey will just go off and swing around some buildings to keep away from Jesus,(Jesus is pretty slow, right?), until he comes up with some masterplan to thwart Jesus' healing powers.

That depends. Spidey has thought all along that his powers were a curse. Maybe when Jesus walks up to him, the spidey sense doesn't go off because technically healing does not equal danger...

Originally posted by sbacat
That depends. Spidey has thought all along that his powers were a curse. Maybe when Jesus walks up to him, the spidey sense doesn't go off because technically healing does not equal danger...

Which relates to my earlier post. Jesus wouldn't fight. He'd try to 'win' him over...(This is kinda silly but then so are a lot of christians..😛 )

Originally posted by karoly aczel
Which relates to my earlier post. Jesus wouldn't fight. He'd try to 'win' him over...(This is kinda silly but then so are a lot of christians..😛 )

I find people in general can be very silly. Belief is such a powerful thing that the beliefs drilled into us when we are young become the bedrock of our lives and we twist things into any number of distortions to make the world fit the way we think Things Should Be.

I think it's important to believe in something, but when you start using that belief to go around oppressing people, robbing countries of their natural resources, or blowing each other up that's not religion, that's just using religion as an excuse to get something you want.