1. Standard memberkaroly aczel
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    07 Mar '11 21:381 edit
    For me I wouldn't be with my girlie if it wasn't for the spiritual connection. We wouldn't have a child together and she would just be a blip on my memory.

    Of course there are many other factors that make a successful relationship.
    However divorce rates are very high and the ones that stay married aren't always happy.

    I think the key lies in being yourself first. Not being needy and falling into cycles of codependency.



    edit: and anyone else, of course🙂

    I would be like to hear from Proper Knob, Agerg and any other athiests that have a take on a successful relationship.
  2. Standard memberHand of Hecate
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    07 Mar '11 22:41
    Originally posted by karoly aczel
    For me I wouldn't be with my girlie if it wasn't for the spiritual connection. We wouldn't have a child together and she would just be a blip on my memory.

    So basically you knocked her up in church? Way to go sport.
  3. Standard memberAgerg
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    07 Mar '11 22:431 edit
    Heh...this is the bit where I'm supposed to wade in like an alpha male and regale you all with wonderful tales of how I'm a real hit with the ladies and teach you all the key parts that make me successful in long lasting relationships. The truth however is that after developing alopecia universalisReveal Hidden Content
    all hair = bye bye
    back in 2004, what little confidence I had anyway in that respect is long since gone. Could only speak about a handful of short term girlfriends I had back in my hairier and more confident days. As for being myself I get many testiments off the ladies as to how I'm "a genuine guy", a "funny guy", and how "I've got a great personality", blah blah... but nothing else :[

    With that, I respectfully bow out of this conversation. :]
  4. SubscriberProper Knob
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    07 Mar '11 23:06
    Originally posted by karoly aczel
    For me I wouldn't be with my girlie if it wasn't for the spiritual connection. We wouldn't have a child together and she would just be a blip on my memory.

    Of course there are many other factors that make a successful relationship.
    However divorce rates are very high and the ones that stay married aren't always happy.

    I think the key lies in bein ...[text shortened]... rom Proper Knob, Agerg and any other athiests that have a take on a successful relationship.
    The quick answer would be respect, communication and compromise.
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    07 Mar '11 23:24
    Originally posted by Proper Knob
    The quick answer would be respect, communication and compromise.
    That's right, except (and this might sound like a distinction without a difference to someone in a successful relationship) I suggest considering how you accommodate your partner, not how you compromise. Quite probably in a successful relationship this distinction doesn't matter, because what you have been doing is more important than what it is called, but for those about to enter into a relationship, I think it's worth reflecting on. Accommodation suggests you hold to your values but they have room for differences, compromise suggests partially giving up on them.

    PS this term was my wife's idea, many years ago.

    The thing to avoid is not irritation,which is inevitable. It is lingering, unaddressed resentment. IMO, YMMV.
  6. Standard memberkaroly aczel
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    08 Mar '11 01:37
    Originally posted by Hand of Hecate
    So basically you knocked her up in church? Way to go sport.
    Both my kids were planned. Two relationships (on any significance), two children, ten years apart. Boy and girl.
    I'm not marrying anyone in this life. Not enough time for that, I have other , more pressing matters
    I love kids. They're cool. It's the adults you gotta watch
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    08 Mar '11 01:43
    Originally posted by karoly aczel
    Both my kids were planned. Two relationships (on any significance), two children, ten years apart. Boy and girl.
    I'm not marrying anyone in this life. Not enough time for that, I have other , more pressing matters
    I love kids. They're cool. It's the adults you gotta watch
    I've long maintained that children make the best people and that they almost always get ruined by the time they become adults.
  8. Standard memberkaroly aczel
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    08 Mar '11 01:46
    Originally posted by Agerg
    Heh...this is the bit where I'm supposed to wade in like an alpha male and regale you all with wonderful tales of how I'm a real hit with the ladies and teach you all the key parts that make me successful in long lasting relationships. The truth however is that after developing alopecia universalis[hidden]all hair = bye bye[/hidden]back in 2004, what little co ...[text shortened]... h... but nothing else :[

    With that, I respectfully bow out of this conversation. :]
    Well , I can relate. Although I haven't lost my hair, I was repulsive to the opposite sex for being too "out there".I got a bad rep around a small town. I didn't touch a woman for 6 years.

    I know its an old stale addage but it is really whats inside that counts. and from your posts I can see that you would make an excellent companion for a lady, if you so desired.

    But its tricky. I believe its either supposed to be or not. You cant force these things and a single person looking for someone never knows how long they are going to have to wait (thats assuming they have some standards and are looking for someone compatible, not just a quickie) until they find someone. Maybe a week. Maybe ten years. It was 6 and a half years for me. I was prepared to go the rest of my life without getting any. I was not going to lower the bar of what I would consider acceptable for a female companion. Also I had to be entirely truthful and not "holding back" or changing my persona when around my girlfriend.
    This was real important. If I had to feign interest or put on an act or go along with untruthful things, etc. I would,ve just passed.

    I'm just lucky to have found a great gal thats meets my criteria.
  9. Standard memberkaroly aczel
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    08 Mar '11 01:51
    Originally posted by Proper Knob
    The quick answer would be respect, communication and compromise.
    So you would say that , by and large, you and your girlie have a "happy" relationship?

    Have you passed those big hurdles that come up in all relationships or are they still to come?

    (I'll understand if you dont want to answer that. Its personal, I know)
  10. Standard memberkaroly aczel
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    08 Mar '11 01:55
    Originally posted by ThinkOfOne
    I've long maintained that children make the best people and that they almost always get ruined by the time they become adults.
    The thing some parents dont realize is that you have to bring out what the child is/has. you have to nurutre them. Help them discover themselves. Not get them to follow in your footsteps. This is hard for some families.
    The example of homosexuality is a good one (to highlight some points, not all). No matter how much a parent might want their kid to be staright, it seems if someones going to be gay, they're are going to be that way. Despite the parents in many cases.
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    08 Mar '11 03:50
    Originally posted by karoly aczel
    The thing some parents dont realize is that you have to bring out what the child is/has. you have to nurutre them. Help them discover themselves. Not get them to follow in your footsteps. This is hard for some families.
    The example of homosexuality is a good one (to highlight some points, not all). No matter how much a parent might want their kid to be ...[text shortened]... someones going to be gay, they're are going to be that way. Despite the parents in many cases.
    From what I gather, parents cannot change their child's true sexual orientation. To attempt to do so may lead to disasterous results such as suicide, long-term psychological harm, etc.
  12. Standard memberkaroly aczel
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    08 Mar '11 04:05
    Originally posted by ThinkOfOne
    From what I gather, parents cannot change their child's true sexual orientation. To attempt to do so may lead to disasterous results such as suicide, long-term psychological harm, etc.
    Do you have a take on relationships for the spiritual aspirant?

    Is it a "one size fits all" type of out look (like Dasa's) , or do you think that relationships are good for some peoples spirituality and not good for others? (which is what I believe, though this is very simplified. But we'll just go from here. I dont want to get ahead of myself)
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    08 Mar '11 17:16
    Originally posted by karoly aczel
    Do you have a take on relationships for the spiritual aspirant?

    Is it a "one size fits all" type of out look (like Dasa's) , or do you think that relationships are good for some peoples spirituality and not good for others? (which is what I believe, though this is very simplified. But we'll just go from here. I dont want to get ahead of myself)
    Not sure what you're looking for here - especially the bit about a "'one size fits all' type of out look (like Dasa's)". What is Dasa's outlook on "relationships for the spiritual aspirant"? Also what do you mean by "good for some peoples spirituality"?
  14. SubscriberFMF
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    08 Mar '11 17:48
    Originally posted by ThinkOfOne
    What is Dasa's outlook on "relationships for the spiritual aspirant"?
    On another thread in the last few days, Dasa has declared that - in terms of spirituality - sex (other than specifically for getting pregnant) - is distasteful and unnecessary. He said that the initiate on the spiritual path has developed spiritual realization, and with that comes a genuine lack of desire for sex. He also said that one of the fastest ways of being rooted in the bodily conception of life is to engage in sex. He went on to say that the initiate on the path experiences spiritual bliss and happiness and sex for them is distasteful. So that would be Dasa's outlook on "relationships for the spiritual aspirant", or at least on the sexual dimension of a relationship.
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    08 Mar '11 18:39
    Originally posted by FMF
    On another thread in the last few days, Dasa has declared that - in terms of spirituality - sex (other than specifically for getting pregnant) - is distasteful and unnecessary. He said that the initiate on the spiritual path has developed spiritual realization, and with that comes a genuine lack of desire for sex. He also said that one of the fastest ways of bei ...[text shortened]... tionships for the spiritual aspirant", or at least on the sexual dimension of a relationship.
    Whilst I bow to your persistence, patience, resilience and fortitude in attempting to draw cohesive discussion with vishvahetu (dasa), I must remind you that he is a professional troll.
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