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Spirituality

Spirituality

  1. 07 Mar '05 23:07
    An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. The monster then opened its mouth while waiting below to swallow man and boat. As the man sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!" Suddenly, the scene froze in place. As the atheist hung in midair, a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!" "God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded, "Just seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!" "Well," said God, "now that you are a believer you must understand that I won't work miracles to snatch you from certain death in the jaws of the monster, but I can change hearts. What would you have me do?" The atheist thinks for a minute and then says, "God, please have the Loch Ness Monster believe in You also." God replies, "So be it." The scene starts in motion again with the atheist falling towards the ravenous jaws of the ferocious beast. Then the Loch Ness Monster folds his claws together and says, "Lord, bless this food You have so graciously provided....."
  2. 07 Mar '05 23:33
    An Christain was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. The monster then opened its mouth while waiting below to swallow man and boat. As the man sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!". Alas he promptly fell into the jaws of the lochness monster and was eaten.
    the end
  3. Standard member Darfius
    The Apologist
    07 Mar '05 23:44
    Originally posted by Jay Peatea
    An Christain was spending a quiet day fishing when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. The monster then opened its mouth while waiting below to swallow man and boat. As the man sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of t ...[text shortened]... lp me!". Alas he promptly fell into the jaws of the lochness monster and was eaten.
    the end
    You silly goose, that's not the end...let me finish it for you.

    ...and promptly woke up at the ressurection of the saints at the 2nd coming of Jesus.

    The end.
  4. 07 Mar '05 23:48
    Originally posted by Darfius
    You silly goose, that's not the end...let me finish it for you.

    ...and promptly woke up at the ressurection of the saints at the 2nd coming of Jesus.

    The end.
    No that version is the holywood re-make
  5. Standard member RBHILL
    Acts 13:48
    07 Mar '05 23:53 / 2 edits
    All I see is Satan trying to copy, that is all he does.
  6. 08 Mar '05 00:01
    Originally posted by RBHILL
    All I see is Satan trying to copy, that is all he does.
    Not true, Satan is one of gods top employees! looking after the souls of the damned is an important job, it needs somebody with flair, skill & ability. I expect god would have given Jesus the job if he hadn't have screwed up on the earth and gone and got himself crucified by the romans.
  7. Standard member telerion
    True X X Xian
    08 Mar '05 00:06
    Originally posted by RBHILL
    All I see is Satan trying to copy, that is all he does.
    Hey, Jay, you're Satan? Good to meet you.
  8. 08 Mar '05 00:25
    Originally posted by telerion
    Hey, Jay, you're Satan? Good to meet you.
    Only part time, the real Satan had to go on maternity leave Something about the chosen one etc..... Still Mr RB better be careful what he say about me or else I'll get out my voodoo doll and chuck it at him!
    I've got my eye on you Mr RB
  9. Subscriber BigDoggProblem
    The Advanced Mind
    08 Mar '05 00:37
    Originally posted by RBHILL
    All I see is Satan trying to copy, that is all he does.
    Been to a christian bookstore lately, Mr. Hill?

    They've got some rather clever T-shirts. Perhaps you can recognize where they got the slogans:

    "Built LORD tough"
    "BudWiseUp - His blood's for you"

    I wish I could remember more, but you get the idea.
  10. Donation kirksey957
    Outkast
    08 Mar '05 00:49
    Originally posted by Darfius
    You silly goose, that's not the end...let me finish it for you.

    ...and promptly woke up at the ressurection of the saints at the 2nd coming of Jesus.

    The end.
    Well, I'm sort of partial to the story of Jonah where there is a deeper lesson about faith, self-righteousness, and attitudes.
  11. Standard member RBHILL
    Acts 13:48
    08 Mar '05 00:53
    Originally posted by Jay Peatea
    Not true, Satan is one of gods top employees! looking after the souls of the damned is an important job, it needs somebody with flair, skill & ability. I expect god would have given Jesus the job if he hadn't have screwed up on the earth and gone and got himself crucified by the romans.
    Satan doesn't even care about the lost.
  12. Standard member RBHILL
    Acts 13:48
    08 Mar '05 00:55
    Originally posted by telerion
    Hey, Jay, you're Satan? Good to meet you.
    That is not what I said, but the Bible does say that if you do not belong to God you are of the Devil, anyone who rejects Christ is ultimately an Anti-Christ.
  13. Donation rwingett
    Ming the Merciless
    08 Mar '05 01:05
    Originally posted by RBHILL
    That is not what I said, but the Bible does say that if you do not belong to God you are of the Devil, anyone who rejects Christ is ultimately an Anti-Christ.
    Everyone who is not a christian is an anti-christ? Am I hearing this correctly?
  14. Standard member Darfius
    The Apologist
    08 Mar '05 01:14
    Originally posted by rwingett
    Everyone who is not a christian is an anti-christ? Am I hearing this correctly?
    Not in the connotative sense of the title, but in the denotative. Antichrist really means "against Christ." THE Antichrist is just a popular name for the "prince to come". I guess one could call him the "little horn" to distinguish him from other antichrists. Also, he gets a capital A, not for respect, but to distingush.

    Satan has had Antichrist prototypes prepared in each generation, in case the end times began. Nero, Antiochus, Hitler...all Antichrist's in waiting. There's one alive today, waiting for his master to give him the OK.
  15. Donation rwingett
    Ming the Merciless
    08 Mar '05 01:18
    Originally posted by Darfius
    Not in the connotative sense of the title, but in the denotative. Antichrist really means "against Christ." THE Antichrist is just a popular name for the "prince to come". I guess one could call him the "little horn" to distinguish him from other antichrists. Also, he gets a capital A, not for respect, but to distingush.

    Satan has had Antichrist ...[text shortened]... Antichrist's in waiting. There's one alive today, waiting for his master to give him the OK.
    So all Hindus are "denotative" antichrists? And Buddhists? And everyone else who isn't a christian? Is that correct?