The Battle Of Armageddon

Originally posted by stellspalfie
sinister is all well and good for the end of the world, but is it practical? does it have parking for coaches? does it have hotel accommodation for the forces of evil? or even camp sites? does it have a restaurant with vegetarian options? will they cater for vegans? whats the exchange rate? how far is the nearest hospital and can it handle 100 million c ...[text shortened]... ne with chocabo racing and a spikey haired guy called cloud, not sure what number it was though.

sinister is all well and good for the end of the world, but is it practical? does it have parking for coaches? does it have hotel accommodation for the forces of evil? or even camp sites? does it have a restaurant with vegetarian options? will they cater for vegans? whats the exchange rate? how far is the nearest hospital and can it handle 100 million casualties? how hot is the mid-day sun, what factor sun cream should we take? will there be a duty free at the airport? will i be digging my own foxhole, should i bring a spade? how long will the battle last? do i need to bring my own pack-lunch? shall i bring a flask? will there be a half time break in the battle? will they provide porta-loos on the battlefield? can i get insurance? do i get paid for taking part? can we win medals for killing people? if i see my friend and they are on the other side can i pretend i didnt see them? will rj be there? is it rude to ask celebrities for autographs while i fight them? does having asthma get me out or a letter from my mum get me out of the fight?

we need to iron out the details, or it will be a total disaster.
Good questions!

In lieu of a concise answer by Suzianne I submit my own musings on this matter (I've been giving it a lot of thought you see)...

but is it practical probably...I don't think there will be any theory
does it have parking for coaches? hmm, coaches as in the national express, or coaches as in Alex Ferguson (if the latter - the Anti-Christ (the gaffer) will probably have his own parking arrangements covered)
does it have hotel accommodation for the forces of evil? I think so...they'll probably hire out one of the board rooms and make it into a sort of War-Room
or even camp sites I think so
does it have a restaurant with vegetarian options? No - by default, being a "God hating" atheist (which we all are) makes us bloody thirsty cannibals. As for the other side, God will be supplying them with a steady supply of conjured Elven bread
will they cater for vegans? see above
whats the exchange rate? 7 gold Lucifer credits to the pound
how far is the nearest hospital and can it handle 100 million casualties? No point - I believe God will be equipping his armies with a Prevent-Heal spell.
how hot is the mid-day sun Probably 7,001,049,014,667,511 degrees centigrade
what factor sun cream should we take? don't bother - use this opportunity to prepare yourself for the lake of fire
will there be a duty free at the airport yes but they only sell figurines of baby jeebus 😞
will i be digging my own foxhole, should i bring a spade There are no atheists in foxholes
how long will the battle last till God has slaughtered us all - and given satan a slap on the wrist for being such a naughty boy.
do i need to bring my own pack-lunchNo need - you'll be feasting on the undead like the rest of us
shall i bring a flask don't know!
will there be a half time break in the battle I doubt it - we'll be enjoying the killing too much!
will they provide porta-loos on the battlefield yes...the abyss!
can i get insurance not sure
do i get paid for taking part Permission to loot the dead (and undead f you're brave enough)
can we win medals for killing people Better than medals you get experience points which can be traded in for better spells
if i see my friend and they are on the other side can i pretend i didnt see them You're an atheist - it thus follows you have no friends. people don't like cannibals (not even cannibals since they get eaten by them)
will rj be there I hope so ... and hopefully on the other side!
is it rude to ask celebrities for autographs while i fight them You get the Devils' autograph stamped on your arse :]
does having asthma get me out or a letter from my mum get me out of the fight I think so!

edit- the last time i played ff it was the one with chocabo racing and a spikey haired guy called cloud, not sure what number it was though.
That will be FFVII :]

Originally posted by stellspalfie
sinister is all well and good for the end of the world, but is it practical? does it have parking for coaches? does it have hotel accommodation for the forces of evil? or even camp sites? does it have a restaurant with vegetarian options? will they cater for vegans? whats the exchange rate? how far is the nearest hospital and can it handle 100 million c ...[text shortened]... ne with chocabo racing and a spikey haired guy called cloud, not sure what number it was though.

very funny, this was worth at least a chuckle

Originally posted by Agerg
But Megiddo sounds way more sinister for a place of epic battle between the forces of Hell and the forces of heaven than Milton Keynes. Indeed if you've ever played FFVIII there was an Omega weapon - and you didn't want to get hit by it's Megiddo flame!!! 😲 [hidden]I wonder if we have to battle that too! or ruby weapon from FFVII - would help if we could double summon knights of the round on that one though[/hidden]

The only place more congenial to Satan than Milton Keynes is an Ibis hotel.

Originally posted by Bosse de Nage
The only place more congenial to Satan than Milton Keynes is an Ibis hotel.

or...........drum roll......................the ibis hotel milton keynes!!! da da daaaah!! were satan tortures the public by providing dry croissants and p**s coloured orange juice.

Originally posted by Agerg
But Megiddo sounds way more sinister for a place of epic battle between the forces of Hell and the forces of heaven than Milton Keynes. Indeed if you've ever played FFVIII there was an Omega weapon - and you didn't want to get hit by it's Megiddo flame!!! 😲 [hidden]I wonder if we have to battle that too! or ruby weapon from FFVII - would help if we could double summon knights of the round on that one though[/hidden]

Actually, it is an insane prediction that, not only would Israel exist as a nation thousands of years later, they would also be a target of a coalition of world powers who come against Israel due to ill feelings towards them.

Crazy, huh?

Originally posted by Agerg
Sounds grim! 😲 Fundies (Suzianne in particular) please tell me more!
What sort of superpowers will "Gods' agents" have? When we submit to the "Anti-Christ" to wage war against "heavens' legions" will we have a fireball spell? How about a magic sword?[hidden]I hear they have to be +4 or more to deal damage to God minions[/hidden]

Christianity has added a significant amount of drama to the events as told in the Bible.

Rev 16:15 Behold, I come as a thief. Blessed is he that watcheth, and keepeth his garments, lest he walk naked, and they see his shame.
Rev 16:16 And he gathered them together into a place called in the Hebrew tongue Armageddon.

Maybe you can read it for yourself.

Originally posted by whodey
Actually, it is an insane prediction that, not only would Israel exist as a nation thousands of years later, they would also be a target of a coalition of world powers who come against Israel due to ill feelings towards them.

Crazy, huh?

Erm...so people having read the Bible - probably with a wish to fulfill that prophecy of yours, petitioned hard for Israel to be re-established - and then it was...yeah wow...big... fricking...wow!

Well that's sure enough to get me believing in talking snakes, and battles between angels and demons...where do I sign up to pledge my allegiance towards baby Jesus? 😞

Originally posted by Bosse de Nage
The only place more congenial to Satan than Milton Keynes is an Ibis hotel.

That made me smirk!

Originally posted by Agerg
Erm...so people having read the Bible - probably with a wish to fulfill that prophecy of yours, petitioned hard for Israel to be re-established - and then it was...yeah wow...big... fricking...wow!

Well that's sure enough to get me believing in talking snakes, and battles between angels and demons...where do I sign up to pledge my allegiance towards baby Jesus? 😞

Indeed. They read the Bible and then forced a bunch of Jews to move back to Israel to complete the prophesy.

Case closed.

http://thebricktestament.com/revelation/armageddon/rv19_11-12p15.html

Originally posted by whodey
Indeed. They read the Bible and then forced a bunch of Jews to move back to Israel to complete the prophesy.

Case closed.

uhhmmmmmm, no.

The British tried three times throughout history (within the last thousand years) to get this done, and it never came together until 1947 because the appointed time for this had not yet come to pass until then.

Originally posted by AThousandYoung
http://thebricktestament.com/revelation/armageddon/rv19_11-12p15.html

Rev 19:19 And I saw the beast, and the kings of the earth, and their armies, gathered together to make war against him that sat on the horse, and against his army.
Rev 19:20 And the beast was taken, and with him the false prophet that wrought miracles before him, with which he deceived them that had received the mark of the beast, and them that worshipped his image. These both were cast alive into a lake of fire burning with brimstone.
Rev 19:21 And the remnant were slain with the sword of him that sat upon the horse, which [sword] proceeded out of his mouth: and all the fowls were filled with their flesh.

Originally posted by Suzianne
uhhmmmmmm, no.

The British tried three times throughout history (within the last thousand years) to get this done, and it never came together until 1947 because the appointed time for this had not yet come to pass until then.

How convenient...the time it came to pass just *happened* to be the so-called appointed time (even though said time was never specified)

Originally posted by Suzianne
uhhmmmmmm, no.

The British tried three times throughout history (within the last thousand years) to get this done, and it never came together until 1947 because the appointed time for this had not yet come to pass until then.

no, it's because they kept trying until it happened.

Originally posted by Agerg
How convenient...the time it came to pass just *happened* to be the so-called appointed time (even though said time was never specified)

you can tell it was a man made thing since the "prophecy" wasn't fulfilled as written in the bible.

1. the hebrew messiah is supposed to accomplish this thing. he is nowhere to be found. the jews scrambled to find one, they could not.

2. the israelis are supposed to return to a reconstituted israel; the israelis are nowhere to be found. instead the area of the former kinddom of israel is occupied by a foreign people who converted to judeism somewhere along the line and now call themselves jews.

3. the judeans are supposed to a reconstituted judea; the judeans are nowhere to be found. instead, the area of the former kingdom of judea (now the west bank) is occupied by palestinians.

despite the novo-israeli's best efforts to evict the palestinians from the former lands of judea, they have not been able to do so. but they keep trying despite multiple human rights violations filed against them.