Was God a hypocrite or what?

I was just rubbing myself in all the right places, when I got to thinking about this ten commandments malarky.

I mean, if I lay down the law, doesn't it go without saying that I should stick to it too? And if I don't, doesn't that make me a hypocrite?

Take this one for instance:
"I am the Lord your God and you shall have no other Gods before me."
Well, besides being just a little meglo-maniacal, what about Jesus and the Holy bloody ghost?
Doesn't Jesus sort of re-write part of the old testament? I mean, the whole "an eye for an eye" debacle gets a make-over worthy of New Labour spin-doctoring: "Turn the other cheek."

Who to believe? What to do? Eh?

And this one then:
"You shall not covet thy neighbour's wife."
I wonder what Joseph thinks about that then?
"Hi Honey, guess what? I'm pregnant! Ooohhh. I know, we've not done it yet, but the Holy Ghost came down and took me like the little slut I am."
Yeah... one rule for omnipotent and one rule for the rest of us there!

What about:
"You shall not kill."
I'm sure Noah's fellow villagers were really impressed by God's interpretation of that little vitamin shot of controversy.
As 8 year old Ismul said as he was playing with his bronze-age lego: "But... but... I ain't committed no crime ye... blub blub blub."

"You shall not make for yourself an idol."
Yeah, it doesn't sit too well with the whole: "I am your God." passage does it? It's sort of like me saying: "The last thing we need is another post on God's hypocritism.", isn't it?
Yes. It is.

"You shall not bear false witness on your neighbour."
Well, excuse me! Can I see the minutes of Lucifer's court hearing please? If ever there was bum justice served (outside of Guatanamo bay), it's gotta be this gem of a non-existent court case.
Evidence? Motive? Weapon?
See. It's even a victimless crime (if even a crime where committed).
I bet old Satan was probably saying something along the lines of: "You know... this whole 'I am the Lord your God stuff... it's a little over the top, isn't it?"
And BAM-WHACK... he's sent off to Glasgow (or Hell... same difference) and suddenly we're not allowed to bear false witness anymore.

Reminds me a bit of the whole Berlesconi thing, actually. You know, the parliment passing a bill that he can't be taken to court, etc. etc. ad infinitum, ad nausium.

And this one then: "Thou shallt not covet thy neighbour's house."
Yeah. Sure... if you don't have a house, then it's very easy to say.
If you're all bloody omnipotent and everything and can have whatever you want at the sneeze of a jizzim, sure...
But if you're living in a small apartment in Rotterdam and Tony "corrupt war criminal" Blair has four houses spread all over the world... it's another bloody matter.

Not to mention cars. I mean, why on earth didn't God mention cars? I have a fungi infection in the back of mine (I don't know if the car caught it from my girlfriend or vice-versa) and I see Ferrari's driving through my streets (driven by unemployed, marijuana smoking men with big gold necklesses, by the way). OBVIOUSLY I covet their bloody cars.

So, weighing up my arguments, do you agree? God is a hypocrite, a bum and the ten commandments are utter rubbish?

what are you doing?

Originally posted by shavixmir
I was just rubbing myself in all the right places, when I got to thinking about this ten commandments malarky.

I mean, if I lay down the law, doesn't it go without saying that I should stick to it too? And if I don't, doesn't that make me a hypocrite?

Take this one for instance:
[b]"I am the Lord your God and you shall have no other Gods before me ...[text shortened]... ten commandments are utter rubbish?

Snap out of it shav. You're the one being a hypocrite. If you're going to judge God you had better be right.

If I had time I'd show you where you're wrong. But it wouldn't do any good anyway. You've made up your mind. So why post the crap? If you have a serious question I'll help you understand. Otherwise you're wasting our time.

Originally posted by yo its me
what are you doing?

Rubbing myself in all the right places...

Originally posted by josephw
Snap out of it shav. You're the one being a hypocrite. If you're going to judge God you had better be right.

If I had time I'd show you where you're wrong. But it wouldn't do any good anyway. You've made up your mind. So why post the crap? If you have a serious question I'll help you understand. Otherwise you're wasting our time.

[/b]Exactly how am I being the hypocrite here?

Didn't God conceive with a married woman?
Doesn't God tell us that we shouldn't be shagging other men's wives?

Originally posted by shavixmir
I was just rubbing myself in all the right places, when I got to thinking about this ten commandments malarky.

I mean, if I lay down the law, doesn't it go without saying that I should stick to it too? And if I don't, doesn't that make me a hypocrite?

Take this one for instance:
[b]"I am the Lord your God and you shall have no other Gods before me ten commandments are utter rubbish?

1. the idea better explained would be to not worship wordly posseions etc..
2. probably a good way to stop trouble before it even begins.Mary and Joseph were not yet wed btw.
3. I agree, we shouldn't kill...ever. Noah was before the Ten commandments btw
4. see #1
5. see #2 part A

so your good with all the rest of them then right? here's a link in case you don't remember what they are:http://www.biblepicturegallery.com/free/Pics/10_Comm.gif

Originally posted by shavixmir
Rubbing myself in all the right places...

You know if you made those remarks in public and refered to God as Muslim your life would be in danger, seriously. I don't know what you're after when you post someting like Mary was a slut but it's not a debate is it? Not really.

Originally posted by shavixmir
Rubbing myself in all the right places...

You're writing and uh pleasuring yourself? All you need is to be incarcerated and you can call yourself Genet.

Originally posted by yo its me
You know if you made those remarks in public and refered to God as Muslim your life would be in danger, seriously. I don't know what you're after when you post someting like Mary was a slut but it's not a debate is it? Not really.

Allah can suck my anus too.
I don't discriminate in my hatred of religion.

Originally posted by Bosse de Nage
You're writing and uh pleasuring yourself? All you need is to be incarcerated and you can call yourself Genet.

I'm a poly-talented multi-tasker...

Originally posted by duecer
1. the idea better explained would be to not worship wordly posseions etc..
2. probably a good way to stop trouble before it even begins.Mary and Joseph were not yet wed btw.
3. I agree, we shouldn't kill...ever. Noah was before the Ten commandments btw
4. see #1
5. see #2 part A

so your good with all the rest of them then right? here's a link in case you don't remember what they are:http://www.biblepicturegallery.com/free/Pics/10_Comm.gif

[/b]That doesn't say much about Joseph, does it?

I mean, if a girl came up to you Duecer, and said: "Yeah... I'm pregnant, some angel came down and told me I was going to be shagged by an omnipotent being... and that's not you, by the way... so I bent over and took it like a man (although, to be quite honest, she probably said it a tad differently)."

Would you marry her?

Originally posted by shavixmir
That doesn't say much about Joseph, does it?

I mean, if a girl came up to you Duecer, and said: "Yeah... I'm pregnant, some angel came down and told me I was going to be shagged by an omnipotent being... and that's not you, by the way... so I bent over and took it like a man (although, to be quite honest, she probably said it a tad differently)."

Would you marry her?[/b]

I married a divorced woman with 2 children, so obviously its not an issue with me. What's the matter shav? afraid you wouldn't measure up to whoever came before you?😉

Originally posted by duecer
I married a divorced woman with 2 children, so obviously its not an issue with me. What's the matter shav? afraid you wouldn't measure up to whoever came before you?😉

Yeah... I bet, however, that she didn't tell you before hand that she had the kids by immaculate conception and that she spoke with angels...

It's not the pregnancy or child which is the frightening part.

Originally posted by shavixmir
I mean, if I lay down the law, doesn't it go without saying that I should stick to it too?

No, I am afraid it doesn't. If you want your fellow human beings to accept and follow a law that you lay down, then you either convince them that you will follow it yourself (and that it is worth following), or you simply force them to follow it.
But if God is laying down the law, I see no real reason why he would feel compelled to follow it himself. He is either:
1. dictating it to you, and thus will either enforce it, or punish you if you don't follow it.
or
2. Suggesting it to you, in the hope that you will follow it based on its own merits or simply because it came from God (whose opinions you supposedly respect).

Throughout history, rulers have managed to convince the general populace that they themselves are rightfully 'above the law', or at least convince the populace to pretend that that is the case.

To this day, most countries give their president a certain amount of immunity.