Celibacy

Originally posted by asromacalcio
I don't think lack of respect enters into it with me

I didn't mean to imply that you fail because of a lack of respect for the women, sorry if it sounded that way (I can see why it would). While I do think that it is more respectful not to think of it as a conquest, I am sure there are many women who actually like to be "conquered" and to avoid taking responsibility, so I don't think that technique necessarily doesn't work. I think the main problem is all the pressure you put on yourself, and that you see it as entirely your failure if it doesn't work. What I tried to say is that this is a different side of the same coin.

"Just one other thing, when I have tried, it really does seem like a one-way thing, like it's my responsibility to be 'likeable' and my duty to like the girl and do everything right, and I'm always to blame when it fails. If she doesn't laugh it's because I'm boring but if I don't laugh it's because I have no sense of humour. It's like I'm being judged from the start."

I think that sums up your problem quite well.

Originally posted by Palynka
What I did disagree with the idea that it is not his fault.

My impression is that his fear of failure is so strong that he doesn't even try. Of course, if he doesn't try, it's his fault if it doesn't work, as there is only one person involved. But if there are two people involved, I don't think it's right to say that it's entirely the fault of one of them if it doesn't work. If, for example, one of them has a very annoying habit, you might say it's that person's fault if the relationship doesn't work out, but you could also say it's the other person's fault because xe is not willing or able to put up with it. If I used asromacalcio's reasoning, it would be his fault if a girl rejected him because he has some bad habit, and it would also be his fault if the girl had a bad habit which he can't tolerate. That's what I don't buy.

Originally posted by Nordlys
My impression is that his fear of failure is so strong that he doesn't even try. Of course, if he doesn't try, it's his fault if it doesn't work, as there is only one person involved. But if there are two people involved, I don't think it's right to say that it's entirely the fault of one of them if it doesn't work. If, for example, one of them has a very an ...[text shortened]... t if the girl had a bad habit which he can't tolerate. That's what I don't buy.

Then celibacy it is. Although life is not a spectator sport...............but wait perhaps voyeurism.

Originally posted by asromacalcio
Could, or do, you live without sex?

Yes. Almost every day in between long sleepness nights.

Originally posted by asromacalcio
It's conclusions like this I was trying to avoid people making by replying to your point.

I happen to think if I wasn't so respectful I may have had *more* luck... asking once and taking 'no' to mean 'no never' for example. Then learning that they were testing me out and were mighty annoyed I gave up so soon. Some blokes keep asking and asking. I try with me, I think there's a far deeper cause, otherwise it'd have been solved long ago.

so exactly what is it that you love so much about Italy!
let me guess, it is your mother.

Originally posted by asromacalcio
Could, or do, you live without sex?

I have for a very long time, so long I won't even post it in the forum.

And does / did it bother you? Did your standards go down or did you get even fussier?

And have you lost the belief that anybody will ever want you again?

Just curious.

Is masturbation allowed? Does that count as sex? If so, I think that's the only way I could possibly cope.

Originally posted by Bromage
Is masturbation allowed? Does that count as sex? If so, I think that's the only way I could possibly cope.

the devil makes work for idle hands🙂

Originally posted by huckleberryhound
the devil makes work for idle hands🙂

My hands are rarely idle
😵

Originally posted by moweut
so exactly what is it that you love so much about Italy!
let me guess, it is your mother.

My mother lives in Manchester.