Fresh jokes

What`s the difference between a lover and a toilet?







The toilet doesn`t keep ringing you up when you`ve finished using it.

What's the difference between a woman and a fridge ?

A fridge doesn't fart when you pull your meat out.

What do you get when you cross a donkey with a slice of bermuda onion?

A piece of arse that brings tears to your eyes.

Whats the similarity between a 9V battery and a womans arse hole?



You know its wrong to do but eventually you're going to put your tongue on it.

How do you get a man to do sit-ups?

Glue the TV remote between his ankles.


Why do Black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?

To stop the snoring before it starts.


What do toilet bowls, anniversaries, and clitorides [sic] have in common?

Men miss them all.


Husband: “Fancy a quickie?”

Wife: “As opposed to what?”


How is a man like a snowstorm?

Because you don't know when he's coming, how many inches you'll get, or how long it'll stay.


Husband: “I don't know why you wear a bra, you've got nothing to put in it.”

Wife: “You wear briefs don't you?”

How is a woman like floor tiles ?

Lay them right the first time, and you can walk on them for years.

Why do men name their penises?

Because they want to be on a first name basis with the person who makes all their decisions.

Why are womens funerals so special ?


Because it's the first time they've ever been ready on time for something.

What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's arse?

A mechanic

Originally posted by shortcircuit
What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horse's arse?

A mechanic

What sexual position produces the ugliest childrem?

Go ask your mother.

Why do farts smell?

For the benefit of the deaf.

Want a great use for used tampons?

How about wind chimes for the deaf?

What goes, “Clip-clop, clip-clop, bang. Clip-clop, clip-clop, bang?”

An Amish drive-by.

Gary Glitter has been appointed as new England manager -
His first decision has been to put Seaman in the Youth team.