Guy is watching TV with his wife. He's channel surfing, comes to a station where a medical TV show is playing featuring a psychiatrist talking about people having mixed emotions. The husband scoffs and dares his wife to say something to him that will make him feel happy and sad at the same time. After a little thought she replies "well, out of all your friends, you have the biggest c#$k"....
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Medical distinction between Guts and Balls
There is a medical distinction between Guts and Balls. We've all heard about people having Guts or Balls. But do you really know the difference between them?
In an effort to keep you informed, here are the definitions:
GUTS - Is arriving home late after a night out with the guys, being met by your wife with a broom, and having the Guts to ask: 'Are you still cleaning, or are you flying somewhere?'
BALLS - Is coming home late after a night out with the guys, smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the butt and having the Balls to say: 'You're next, Chubby.'
Medically, speaking there is No difference in the outcome.
Both result in death.
A guy goes to the post office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he asks, "Are you disabled in any way?"
The guy says, "Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my testicles."
The interviewer grimaces and then says, "Okay. You've got enough points for me to hire you right now. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 pm. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am, and plan on starting at 10:00 am every day."
The guy is puzzled and asks, "If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00 PM, why don't you want me here until 10:00 am?"
"This is a government job", the interviewer says. "For the first two hours, we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
Originally posted by sonhouseThumbs up, Sonhouse. Closer to the facts of the situation than you may realize.
So there he was, Grampy was praying and praying, Please Lord, let me win the lottery!
A week goes by, nutin, nada.
He prays again, Please Please Lord let me win the lottery! I treated my wife with respect all her life!
another week, zip.
Week three Grampy goes LORD! PLEASE! let me win the lottery! Remember the time I saved Philabbits kid stuck i ...[text shortened]... serve to win the lottery, but GRAMPY! Meet me halfway here!
BUY A TICKET!
.
Originally posted by shortcircuitWow, you bully that dude quite a bit. Just goes to show what a loser you are.
Frank Burns was having a dream.
He dreamed he was a budding woman.
He looked at his crotch and saw what he thought was a pubic hair.
He was so pleased until the hair squirted.
Then he realized, to his chagrin, he was a man and not a woman.
Suddenly a huge smile crossed his face as he stared at his squirting hair.
He was happy, because he was thr ...[text shortened]... as large as he was in the real world.
What a waste of a catcher's cup he is. :'(:'(😞😞😞
Originally posted by shortcircuitNow that's laugh out loud funny!!!
A guy goes to the post office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he ...[text shortened]... coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
Originally posted by shortcircuitVery funny. 🙁
A guy goes to the post office to apply for a job.
The interviewer asks him, "Are you allergic to anything?"
He replies, "Yes, caffeine. I can't drink coffee."
"Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?"
"Yes," he says, "I was in Iraq for one tour."
The interviewer says, "That will give you 5 extra points toward employment." Then he ...[text shortened]... coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that."
Originally posted by mudpieYou must be myopic or just an idiot.
Wow, you bully that dude quite a bit. Just goes to show what a loser you are.
Try reading ALL of the posts and you will see it is quite back and forth.
You might also try investigating to find out that "that dude" is my friend.
The only loser here is you.
Guess that is mud in your eye, eh mudpie!!
While in China , a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all
the time. A week after arriving Back home in the States, he wakes one morning to
find His penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately
goes to see a doctor.
The Doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells
the man to return in two days for the results. The man returns a couple of days later
and the doctor Says: 'I've got bad news for you ---you've contracted Mongolian VD.
It's very rare and almost unheard of here. We know very little about it.'
The man looks a little perplexed and says: 'Well, give me a shot or something and
fix me up, Doc.' The doctor answers: 'I'm sorry, there's no known cure. We're going
to have to amputate your penis.' The man screams in horror, 'Absolutely not! I
want a second opinion.' The doctor replies: 'Well, it's your choice. Go ahead If you
want but surgery is your only choice.'
The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he'll know more
about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims: 'Ah, yes,
Mongolian VD. Vely rare disease.'
The guy says to the doctor: 'Yeah, yeah, I already Know that, but what can we do?
My American doctor Wants to operate and amputate my penis!'
The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs: 'Stupid Amelican docta, always
want to opelate. Make more money that way. No need to opelate!'
Oh, Thank God!' the man replies.
'Yes,' says the Chinese doctor, 'You no worry! Wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!'