JOKES!!!!!!!!!!! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA

what did the man say when he lost his truck?










wheres my truck!

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes
the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle
it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and
she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the
Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws
open the door and begins to rant about the new
employee.

He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole
line is backing up, putting the entire production line
behind schedule.

The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for
himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor.
When they get there the line is so backed up that there
are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and
they're really beginning to pile up.

At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains
of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush
red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles.

The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece
of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to
carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.

The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter.
After several minutes of hysterics he pulls himself
together and approaches Lena.

'I'm sorry,' he says to her, barely able to
keep a straight face,
'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave
you yesterday...'

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles'.

The first three years of marriage are full of change....

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks And the woman listens.🙂
In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. 🙁
In the third year, they both speak and then the neighbors listen 😵

Originally posted by Carterson
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes
the Tickle Me Elmo toys. The toy laughs when you tickle
it under the arms.

Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and
she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM.

The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the
Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws
open the door an ...[text shortened]... structions I gave
you yesterday...'

'Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles'.

Originally posted by bluzdog
My girlfriend has a tatoo of a seashell on her thigh, and if I hold my ear real close I can smell the ocean.

Originally posted by phil3000
my girlfriend has a W tatooed on both bum cheeks ,every time she bends down she says WOW!!!!

why did the chicken cross the road

Originally posted by jacko11
why did the chicken cross the road

Originally posted by Nordlys
Because it was getting tired of listening to chicken jokes.

Originally posted by Hand of Hecate
Why'd the baby cross the road? It was nailed to the chicken.

why did the gecko go in to the middle of the road.

to see his flat mate

Originally posted by ale1552
This started out as a true event, but since my memory is not accurate as to the details, I can only say truthfully that it is based on a factual story. A captain of a large ocean-liner was steaming on his way one dark night when he saw a light straight ahead. Soon the message was sent to his navigator, "Turn 10 degrees to starboard". The captain, not a li ...[text shortened]... h ship, NOW...~&#+~...will you give way?" The message came back, "I am a lighthouse."

why did the mathematical tree fall over?

because it had no real roots

What do you call a fish with no Eye??

What do you call a deer with no eye??

and what do you call a donkey with one eye and 3 legs??

Originally posted by Mexico
What do you call a fish with no Eye??

What do you call a deer with no eye??

and what do you call a donkey with one eye and 3 legs??