One day a farmer posted a sign out in his yard saying, "For Sale, One Donkey, $100"
A neighbor happened to pass by, read the sign, and told the farmer, "I would like to purchase your donkey. Here is the $100. I will go home tonight, clean out a stall in my barn, and return in the morning to fetch the donkey."
The farmer agreed to this. The next morning the neighbor stopped by to collect his animal. The farmer unfortunately had some bad news. "I'm afraid the donkey died last night." said the farmer.
"Well, can I have my money back?" asked the neighbor.
"I'm afraid I spent it all and cannot return it to you." replied the farmer.
"Fine," said the neighbor. "Give me the donkey anyway."
About a month later the farmer saw the neighbor walking by his farm and stopped him. "Hey, whatever happened to that donkey?"
"Oh, that!" replied the neighbor. "I actually made quite a bit of money off it."
"How did you do that?" asked the farmer.
"Well, you see, I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at $2.00 apiece and made $998.00."
"But it was dead!" cried the farmer. "Didn't anyone complain?"
The neighbor replied, "Only the guy who won. So, I gave him his $2.00 back."
np
I always used to get picked on at school and bullied in my local area, so I took up a marshall art.Whilst being trained I was told that before you empoly any act of self defence that you must always warn your agressor first.
Anyway years passed when eventually I came out of this pub and was confronted by some idiot wanting to cause me some greif, I took two steps back and shouted "I must warn you that I'm a black belt in origami!" the guy just laughed at me.
He was'nt laughing for long when I folded him into f***ing a duck!
Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy, who has a broken leg.
Paddy says, "Me feet are freezing mate, could you nip upstairs and get me slippers?"
"No bother," he says, and he runs upstairs and there are Paddy's two stunning 19 year old twin daughters sat on their beds.
"Hello dere girls, your Da' sent me up here to shag ya both."
"Fook off you liar!"
"I'll prove it," Murphy says.
So he shouts down the stairs, "Both of them, Paddy?"
"Of course, what's the use of fookin' one?"
Ok, you are asking who in the hell is 'Larry'.
Larry gets home late one night and, Linda, his wife says, 'Where in the hell have you been?' Larry replies, 'I was out getting a tattoo.' 'A tattoo?' she frowned. 'What kind of tattoo did you get?' 'I got a hundred dollar bill on my privates,' he said proudly. 'What the hell were you thinking?! She said, shaking her head in disgust. 'Why on earth would an accountant get a hundred dollar bill Tattooed on his privates?'
Well, One, I like to watch my money grow. Two, once in a while I like to play with my money. Three, I like how money feels in my hand. And, lastly, instead of you going out shopping, you can stay right here at home and blow a hundred bucks anytime you want.
Larry is recovering in room 232 at the Hospital.😲
A distraught senior citizen urgently phoned her doctor's office to speak to her doctor.
"Is it true that the medication you prescribed for me has to be taken for the rest of my life?"
"Yes, I'm afraid so," the doctor told her.
There was a moment of silence before she replied, "I'm wondering, then, just how serious my condition is because this prescription is marked, NO REFILLS."