After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician.
'Doctor,' the man said, 'I don't mind telling you,
but I'm a little upset because my daughter has red hair.
She can't possibly be mine!!'
'Nonsense,' the doctor said'.
'Even t hough you and y our wife both have black hair,
one of your ancestors may have contributed red hair to the gene pool.'
'It isn't possible,' the man insisted.'
'Thi s can't be, our families on both sides had jet-black hair for generations.'
'Well,' said the doctor, 'let me ask you this.
How often do you have sex??? '
The man seemed a bit ashamed .
'I've been working very hard for the past year.
We only made love once or twice every few months.'
'Well, there you have it!' The doctor said confidently.
'It's rust.'
Poor Guy
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed.
He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."
To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"
I just turned 65. so off i went to the social security office to apply.
The lady asked me for my drivers licence to verify my age.
Damn I had left my wallet home so she asks me to to unbutton my shirt, sees all the silver coloured chest hairs & processes my application.
I go home and tell the wife.
She says maybe I should have dropped my pants too & got disability.
....That's when the fight started.