Jokes

My wife apologized for the first time ever today. She said she's sorry she ever married me.

It's hard to say what my wife does for a living. She sells sea shells by the sea shore.

I went to see my doctor the other day and he told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked why. He said: "Because I am trying to examine you."

@fmf said
It's hard to say what my wife does for a living. She sells sea shells by the sea shore.

@fmf said
I went to see my doctor the other day and he told me I had to stop masturbating. I asked why. He said: "Because I am trying to examine you."

i say "females" the same way i say "tamales"
it's fun to be chased by screaming women

i mean, "females"

A previous girlfriend broke up with me when she found out I only had 9 toes.

She was lack toes intolerant.

My grandfather told me that he saw the Titanic, he warned everyone that it would sink, but nobody would listen.
He told people a few more times, and then he was kicked out of the cinema...

@ghost-of-a-duke said
A previous girlfriend broke up with me when she found out I only had 9 toes.

She was lack toes intolerant.

@very-rusty said
I am lactose intolerant!

-VR

@ghost-of-a-duke said
Relax, don't think the ex-girlfriend has moved to Canada.

@very-rusty said
It is ok if she did, I am a happily married man!

-VR

@great-big-stees said
That’s what John Bobbitt said…and look what happened to him.🤔😲

All the little kiddy's gathered in a circle watching the one in the middle perform. Yah yah they would go and then the next one would have a turn. Divegeester's turn was next and they immediately started booing until the entire circle was booing but he would not leave. Why won't you leave, they asked, nobody likes you. I'm impervious to thumbs down, said divegeester.

@smokiethebear said
All the little kiddy's gathered in a circle watching the one in the middle perform. Yah yah they would go and then the next one would have a turn. Divegeester's turn was next and they immediately started booing until the entire circle was booing but he would not leave. Why won't you leave, they asked, nobody likes you. I'm impervious to thumbs down, said divegeester.