Jokes

phil3000

General

27 Feb 14 18:01

FMF

Joined: 28 Oct 05
Moves: 34587

19 Nov 22 23:58

-2

My niece calls me Ankle. So I call her my Knees.

BigDogg

Secret RHP coder

on the payroll

Joined: 26 Nov 04
Moves: 155080

20 Nov 22 03:53

@torunn said
Wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Husband: Can we change the subject?
Wife: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.

Husband: Honey, you know I hate it when you use the passive-aggressive voice. 🤦‍♂️

BigDogg

Secret RHP coder

on the payroll

Joined: 26 Nov 04
Moves: 155080

20 Nov 22 03:55

I have had the worst luck with jobs.

I wasn’t suited to be a tailor and the muffler factory was just exhausting. I couldn’t cut it as a barber and I didn’t have the patience to be a doctor. I wasn’t a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it. I got fired from the cannon factory. I had a paper shop but that folded. I just couldn’t see any future as a historian and being a plumber was just too draining.

moonbus

Über-Nerd (emeritus)

Joined: 31 May 12
Moves: 9613

20 Nov 22 22:27

@bigdogg said
I have had the worst luck with jobs.

I wasn’t suited to be a tailor and the muffler factory was just exhausting. I couldn’t cut it as a barber and I didn’t have the patience to be a doctor. I wasn’t a good fit in the shoe factory even though I put my soul into it. I got fired from the cannon factory. I had a paper shop but that folded. I just couldn’t see any future as a historian and being a plumber was just too draining.

I thought about being a philosopher…

BigDogg

Secret RHP coder

on the payroll

Joined: 26 Nov 04
Moves: 155080

20 Nov 22 23:28

@moonbus said
I thought about being a philosopher…

...but didn't find the work meaningful.

moonbus

Über-Nerd (emeritus)

Joined: 31 May 12
Moves: 9613

21 Nov 22 04:24

2 edits

@bigdogg said
...but didn't find the work meaningful.

I tried epistemology and cosmology too but didn’t know where to begin.

Then Earl Grey offered me a job, but it wasn’t my cup of tea.

Arkturos

Joined: 06 May 15
Moves: 29080

22 Nov 22 05:06

I considered being a semiotician, but I'm not sure what that even means.

Pianoman1

Nil desperandum

Seedy piano bar

Joined: 09 May 08
Moves: 309045

22 Nov 22 07:00

@torunn said
Wife: You need to do more chores around the house.
Husband: Can we change the subject?
Wife: Ok. More chores around the house need to be done by you.

I am writing to report
My dissatisfaction.
How dare you say
I’m not a man of action.

You say I like to sleep,
To loaf, to lie around,
To drift, to dawdle,
To loll and lounge.

All verbs, I note.
Have you not heard
That verbs are known
As doing words?

moonbus

Über-Nerd (emeritus)

Joined: 31 May 12
Moves: 9613

23 Nov 22 11:55

@kevin-eleven said
I considered being a semiotician, but I'm not sure what that even means.

I worked for Hoover for a while; boy, that sucked !

moonbus

Über-Nerd (emeritus)

Joined: 31 May 12
Moves: 9613

06 Dec 22 22:17

I applied to Otis Elevator Advertising dept.; I had this great slogan: “Otis Elevators never let you down.”

BigDogg

Secret RHP coder

on the payroll

Joined: 26 Nov 04
Moves: 155080

06 Dec 22 22:26

1 edit

@moonbus said
I applied to Otis Elevator Advertising dept.; I had this great slogan: “Otis Elevators never let you down.”

"Helping people on every level."

"Waaay faster than stairs."

"Our Muzak is the best!"

The Gravedigger

Jack Torrance

Overlook Hotel

Joined: 04 Feb 11
Moves: 56403

06 Dec 22 23:17

Stealing cars from multi storey car parks.
So wrong on every level.

Great Big Stees

Joined: 14 Mar 04
Moves: 205288

08 Dec 22 15:05

-2

The sound from a musician on stage bounces off the auditorium walls to surround the audience. The sound of a pigeon on stage does not. The reason?
A coo sticks.🤔