Jokes

Elton John, sure he is great on the piano but he sucks on the organ

So this guy walks up to the bartender and asked if there were any cheap drinks to order cuz he was low on cash. The bartender says, "Sure, it's called the Russian collusion" and it's only a dollar. The man says, "Great, I'll have a glass!". So the bartender gives him a glass and the man says, "But this is an empty glass". Bartender replies, "Yep, sure is and that will be a dollar."

Kid comes home from school and says to his Dad, 'the teacher says we got to explain the difference between being involved and being committed.'

His Dad says you know when you have eggs and bacon for breakfast.
The hen is involved the pig is committed.

A man with a basket of fish at the lake gets stopped by the game warden who asks for his fishing permit. The man responds, "But I did not catch these fish here. These are my pet fish. I brought them from home and let them swim around a bit and then after 5 minutes they jump back into my basket and I go home with them after they have a bit of a swim" The warden responds, "What a crock of lies!". "Here I'll show you" the man said as he released them all back into the lake. After 5 minutes the warden starts to get inpatient and says, "Its been 5 minutes, so where are all the fish?", to which the guy says, "What fish?"

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ahhh.
Ahhh Who?
Werewolves of London.

An old married couple are in church on Sunday. The wife turns to her husband and whispers, “Oh my, I’ve just let out a long, silent fart. What should I do?”

The red-faced husband leaned toward her and said, “Replace the battery in your hearing aid.”

Last night I went dancing with the czars.

Peter and Catherine were great but Ivan was terrible.

"Hello, I'm a doctor and my partner and I have discovered two new Lymphomas and would like to register them"

"Ok, tell me your names please."

"My name is Dr. Hodgkins and my partner's name is Dr. Ivanchurnoblevanskyidis"

"Ok, so that will be Hodgkins and Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma"

@whodey

Ok this is my Canada riddle eh.


How many seasons does Canada have?

Two!

Winter and August

@eladar said
@whodey

Ok this is my Canada riddle eh.


How many seasons does Canada have?

Two!

Winter and August

Actually it is 4 seasons Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter. 😉

-VR

@caesar-salad said
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Ahhh.
Ahhh Who?
Werewolves of London.

Love the Werewolves of London.
I thought I was the only one hung out with them.

@the-gravedigger said
Love the Werewolves of London.
I thought I was the only one hung out with them.

You are talking about the group right?

That is a joke?

-VR

@very-rusty said
You are talking about the group right?

That is a joke?

-VR

Correct on both accounts.

I do listen to them occasionally.

Where do the toughest chickens come from?
- Hard-boiled eggs

@eladar said
@whodey

Ok this is my Canada riddle eh.


How many seasons does Canada have?

Two!

Winter and August

Cologne is said to have two seasons: carnival and getting ready for the next carnival.