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Jesus walks into a bar with a handful of nails,says to the barman,can you put me up for the night.


Another joke.
English rugby.

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Originally posted by Sicilian Smaug
Haha, nice1

About the rugby, I'm not a big rugby fan but didn't we beat you in the world cup final on your own soil? Now, that's funny 😉
That was then ,this is now.
You also won the world cup in soccer in 66.

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What do you call a Jewish homosexual?
A He-Blew.

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Originally posted by Sicilian Smaug
And we beat you in the cricket 😏
But not this year.
I doubt you would have won the Ashes if our selectors had picked the right players.Oh well you did play well and you can only beat what the opposition throws up.It should be interesting this time round.

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BOOM! ha ha sucker

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>
>Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
>offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:
>
>The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a
>new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person
>will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As
>homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short
>story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another
>copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add
>another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another
>copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph and so on
>back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in
>order to keep the story coherent. There is be absolutely NO talking
>outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in
>the e-mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been
>reached."
>
>The following was actually turned in by two of his English students:
>Rebecca and Gary.
>
>THE STORY:
>
>( first paragraph by Rebecca )
>At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The
>chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now
>reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he
>liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind
>off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating and if she thought about
>him too much that her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was
>out of the question.
>
>( second paragraph by Gary )
>Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron
>now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about
>than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with
>whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to
>Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar
>orbit established. No sign of resistance so far...." But before he
>could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out of nowhere and blasted
>a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent
>him flying out of his seat and across the c0ckpit.
>
>( Rebecca )
>He bumped his head and died almost immediately but not before he felt
>one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who
>had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped it's
>pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4.
>"Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel,"
>Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously
>excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her
>youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no
>newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of
>innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one
>lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she wondered wistfully.
>
>( Gary )
>Little did she know but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands
>of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of
>its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed
>the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had
>left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were
>determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the
>passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth,
>carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one
>to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium
>fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his
>top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the
>coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized
>poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President
>slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm
>going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"
>
>( Rebecca )
>This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My
>writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.
>
>( Gary )
>Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at
>writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have
>chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of F$%*ING TEA??? Oh no,
>I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"
>
>( Rebecca )
>A-hole.
>
>( Gary )
>B*tch
>
>( Rebecca )
>F**K YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!
>
>( Gary )
>Go drink some tea - *****.
>
>( TEACHER )
>A+ - I really liked this one

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Glad to see some jokes!Here's one from me...

two elephants fell off a cliff ...

BOOM ... BOOM

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Originally posted by reader1107
>
>Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
>offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:
>
>The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a
>new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person
>will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. A ...[text shortened]... k some tea - *****.
>
>( TEACHER )
>A+ - I really liked this one
LOL!

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Originally posted by reader1107
>
>Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus"
>offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix:
>
>The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a
>new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person
>will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. A ...[text shortened]... k some tea - *****.
>
>( TEACHER )
>A+ - I really liked this one
Well done. Have a rec. 🙂