This is one of those emails doing the rounds but I guess someone may find this porr dip sticks balls.... this is his tale:
Hey,
Classic...don't tell me you can read this without laughing...
(Only a guy would do this!)
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their
anniversary submitted this :
Last weekend at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Toni. What I came across was a
100,000-volt pocket/purse-sized taser. The effects of the taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on an
assailant. The idea is to allow my wife -- who would never consider a gun --adequate time to retreat to safety. WAY TOO COOL!!
Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded in two triple-a batteries and pushed the button. Nothing! I was
disappointed. But then I read (yes, 'read'😉 that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the
blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs and I'd know it was working.
Awesome!!! (Actually, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave). Okay, so I was home alone with
this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries, right?!! There I sat in my recliner, my cat
Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing
out on a flesh and blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of
it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance
that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?
So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in
one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was
supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the
ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.
So, I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it," reasoning that a one-second burst
from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs
to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER OF GOD, WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION @!@$$!%!@*!!!
I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, and body slammed us both on the carpet, over and
over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on
fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs.
You should know, if you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser,that there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap
yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.
SON-OF-A-... that hurt like hell!!! A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected what
little wits I had left, sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they
up get there??? My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and
my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I'm still looking for my testicles!! I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return.
Still in shock, Earl
Originally posted by Tirau Danlmao..!!!!!!!!!!!! funniest story ive read in a long time...!!
This is one of those emails doing the rounds but I guess someone may find this porr dip sticks balls.... this is his tale:
Hey,
Classic...don't tell me you can read this without laughing...
(Only a guy would do this!)
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their
anniversary submitted this :
Last weekend at Larry's Pistol & Pa ...[text shortened]... m offering a significant reward for their safe return.
Still in shock, Earl
Say there Fred; is that Mockingbird Lane the one in Dallas? I used to drink at the Finish Line out that way. For a Yankee to recognize your local should be flattering. That was a great bar. Dallas Cowboys would drop in occassionally and mingle with us peasants. Anyway, thought I would mention the watering hole.
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Originally posted by Tirau Danoooohhhh, poor Gracie
This is one of those emails doing the rounds but I guess someone may find this porr dip sticks balls.... this is his tale:
Hey,
Classic...don't tell me you can read this without laughing...
(Only a guy would do this!)
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their
anniversary submitted this :
Last weekend at Larry's Pistol & Pa ...[text shortened]... m offering a significant reward for their safe return.
Still in shock, Earl
Originally posted by Charles Johnstonthat was the address of the Herman and Lilly Munster
Say there Fred; is that Mockingbird Lane the one in Dallas? I used to drink at the Finish Line out that way. For a Yankee to recognize your local should be flattering. That was a great bar. Dallas Cowboys would drop in occassionally and mingle with us peasants. Anyway, thought I would mention the watering hole.
a few months ago, one of those "funniest video" shows had a clip where four cops were trying out a taser. one was the target, two were holding him up, and the fourth was shooting. but the shooter accidentally hit the target in the crotch ... the target was rolling on the floor, but not laughing .... the OTHER cops were howling, tho ...
Originally posted by Tirau DanHahahaha, stupid b@stard! 😵
This is one of those emails doing the rounds but I guess someone may find this porr dip sticks balls.... this is his tale:
Hey,
Classic...don't tell me you can read this without laughing...
(Only a guy would do this!)
A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their
anniversary submitted this :
Last weekend at Larry's Pistol & Pa ...[text shortened]... m offering a significant reward for their safe return.
Still in shock, Earl