Originally posted by AmauroteVery fair comment.
Nothing major. I couldn't fairly rate it because I don't know what age or grade you are.
I think the tendency to define the concepts using the dictionary at the start is a little hackneyed, I would avoid it - even at grade school level!
I remember marking an essay at first year university level and the student, writing about politics and the role of the media, started with a dictionary definition of media and culture. Furthermore they cited only two sources: the Oxford Dictionary of English; and Encyclopedia Brittanica.
I mean ... seriously!! They were surprised when I just wrote "fail" on it and didn't even give them a mark.
Originally posted by immortaltrinitySeeing that you base all your assumptions on the fact that man has been created by God (and other assumptions like heaven in afterlife) made me vote 1.
http://www.shvoong.com/sociology/social-change/493449-growing-issue-deterioration-humanity/
I wrote it. Please give me a 5/5 !!! If you think its that good!! THANKS!!
As Nordlys states I would have voted 0 if it was available.
Originally posted by RavelloI think Spiderman dealt with the same issues he wants to grapple with, but focused more on choices we make in life and the consequences thereof, positive and negative. It wasn't done in a preachy way but more with an understanding that the need to wrestle with ones faults is a universal need.
Seeing that you base all your assumptions on the fact that man has been created by God (and other assumptions like heaven in afterlife) made me vote 1.
As Nordlys states I would have voted 0 if it was available.
Here's a hint toward better writing.
Never, ever, ever in a million years begin an essay with any variant of "Webster's dictionary defines..." Starting an essay off with recourse to a definition says to your audience that you don't really know your subject well enough to present it in your own words. That, or that you don't trust your audience enough to allow them to begin reading without your arbitrary rules.
More to the point, dictionaries are by nature descriptive (compendiums of how groups of people have come to use words), rather than prescriptive (manuals to correct usage of those words). They really aren't supposed to limit the scope of a conceptual discussion in the way that first-year college students try to force them to.
Lastly, if you are intent on referencing a dictionary, use the standard: the Oxford English Dictionary.
EDIT: Another path toward better writing lies in actually reading what people have written about the issue before you sit down to write yourself. For example, demonseed pretty much beat me to the punch here. But did I slow down enough to read it? Nooooooooooooooo!
Originally posted by immortaltrinityIt's got a good beat, and you can dance to it, I give it a 90 Dick. 😵
http://www.shvoong.com/sociology/social-change/493449-growing-issue-deterioration-humanity/
I wrote it. Please give me a 5/5 !!! If you think its that good!! THANKS!!
Originally posted by immortaltrinityIt's really a terrible article. I'm not afraid to tell you that because if you continue to write like this you will never be successful as a writer. I feel I can help you more by being honest with you about your writing.
http://www.shvoong.com/sociology/social-change/493449-growing-issue-deterioration-humanity/
I wrote it. Please give me a 5/5 !!! If you think its that good!! THANKS!!
Here's some tips that will help you improve:
* Learn to use paragraphs.
* Write objectively, not subjectively, which is what you did.
* Don't force your personal beliefs onto the reader.
* Don't use ill formed logic as facts and/or evidence. For example, you made the statement: "Perhaps the best way of defining a human is through intangibles and purpose, as in the relationship humans have with God.." So you are saying that if people don't have a relationship with God then they aren't human!
You will probably get a D for it. I've taken sociology classes in college and I can't imagine anyone passing your paper.
