Originally posted by EgmenDid MacLean's say the Canadian Tire guy was an ineffectual dweeb who's wife weilds a tool better than he can?
As any one read this week's Maclean's? about the canadian tire guy? It's about how the modern man has been demasculinized. Sad, but I still like my CT.
He doesn't look like a hockey player, that's for sure eh?
Jokes about the government:
Ways to Make the House Of Commons More Interesting
1. Make the politicians give their speeches in rap, just like that Bulworth guy
2. Whoopee cushion on the Speaker's chair.
3. Parliament press gallery + a pack of starving timber wolves = quality entertainment the whole family can enjoy.
4. Every time the Prime Minister answers a question, an Opposition member has to yell "'Fraid not!"
5. Two words: Dunk tanks.
6. Get that "Let's get ready to RUM-BLLLLE" guy to start every new session.
7.All the cabinet ministers' answers must be phrased in the form of a question.
8. Put in those funky Pop-Up Video Balloons during question period -- e.g., when they show a picture of Chrétien, the phrase "Hobbies: fishing, the manly art of self-defence and collecting Inuit sculptures" will bloop on the screen.
9.Instead of seating by party, arrange all the members by height.
10. New Deputy PM: Danielle House!
Next, the "If you . . . you are a Canadian!"
Here's a long list of ways to tell if you are Canadian. read through it despite its length, i'm sure some of us Canadians can relate to it.
You know you're Canadian if :
You stand in "line-ups" or "queues" (in Victoria, BC) at the movie, not lines.
You're not offended by the term, "Homo Milk".
You understand the sentence, "Could you please pass me a serviette, I just spilled my
BOWL OF POUTINE" !
You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.
You drink pop, not soda.
You had a Prime Minister who wasn't fluent in either of the official languages (English & French).
You know what it means to be 'on the pogey'.
You know that a mickey and 2-4's mean "Party at thecamp, eh?!"
You can drink legally while still a teen in some provinces.
You talk about the weather with strangers and friends alike.
You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with very good cigars
When there is a social problem, you turn to your government to fix it, instead of telling them to stay out of it.
You're not sure if the leader of your nation has EVER had sex and you don't WANT to know if he has!
You get milk in bags as well as cartons and plastic jugs.
Pike is a type of fish, not some part of a highway.
You drive on a highway, not a freeway.
You know what a Robertson screwdriver is.
You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.
You know that Mounties "don't always look like that."
You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly."
You know that the Friendly Giant isn't a vegetable product line.
You know that Casey and Finnegan are not a Celtic musical group.
You drive with your headlights on during the day (since 1989, all new cars have been fitted with "daytime running lights"😉.
You participated in "Participaction."
You have an Inuit carving by your bedside with the rationale, "What's good enough protection for the Prime Minister is good enough for me."
You wonder why there isn't a 5 dollar coin yet.
Like any international assasin/terrorist/spy in the world, you possess a Canadian Passport.
You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, color. etc.
You know the French equivalents of "free", "prize", and "no sugar added", thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging.
You are excited whenever an American television show mentions Canada.
You make a mental note to talk about it at work the next day.
You can do all the hand actions to Sharon, Lois and Bram's "Skin-a-ma-rinky-dinky-doo" opus.
You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.
You were mad at the CBC when "The Beachcombers" were taken off the air.
You know who "Relic" is/was.
You know what a touque is and you own one and often wear it.
You have heard of ... and have some cherished momento of Bob and Doug McKenzie.
You still sing the "Great White North" theme song with pride ... "coo-ooh-coocoo-coo-ooh-coocoo".
You know Toronto is NOT a province.
You never miss "Coach's Corner" during Hockey Night in Canada.
Back bacon and Kraft Dinner are two of your favourite food groups.
If you live in some of the colder Canadian provinces, your car has a cord and plug sticking out of the grill ... it's a block heater for those sub-zero (in Celsius) days.
You only know three spices: salt, pepper and ketchup.
You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have more kilometres on your snow blower than your car.
You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.
Canadian Tire Store on any Saturday is busier than most toy stores at Christmas.
You live in a house that has no front step, yet the door is one meter above the ground.
You've taken your kids trick-or-treating in a blizzard.
Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with frozen snow and slush.
You think sexy lingerie is tube-socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on 2 pages, but requires 6 pages for hockey.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
Your snowblower gets stuck on the roof.
You think the start of deer season is a national holiday.
You head South to go to your cottage.
You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper now that there are no more dollar bills.
The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo, it's sausage making.
You find -40C a little chilly.
The trunk of your car doubles as a portable deep freeze.
You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewellery and your Sorels.
You can play road hockey on skates.
You know 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.
The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus.
You understand the Labatt Blue commercials.
You perk-up when you hear the theme from "Hockey Night in Canada".
You pronounce the last letter of the alphabet "zed" instead of "zee."
and ... You end some sentences with "eh,"
The ones in bold relate to me, or are of particular interest.
Originally posted by TopalovFanWhen you say "give it a break" do mean me or Hand?
Amazing! Your awesome, and Hand, your a disgrace, come on, give it a break buddy, you sound American, no offence. I am from Alberta as well
Wait until you see my Top Ten reasons for living and for leaving Canada!!
If you like it so much, how about a rec?
Here it is, the moment you've all been waiting for:
Top Ten Reasons to Live in Canada
10. Marijuana isn’t legal, but there is talk of it.
9. Less gun related murders, same goes for animal hunting
8. More chance of hitting a moose than another car
7. Our idea of road rage is to pass the stupidity to someone else
6. You’re considered a hero if you smoke outside
5. Our idea of military training is safe sex and learning how to make the enemy laugh
4. For the most part, our animals aren’t poisonous, except for Stephen Harper
3. You are more respected in the world (just have a Tim Horton’s mug, a Canadian flag, and speak French or say “eh” a lot.
2. Ice sports are available all year in some places and 4-5 months in others
1. Our beer
Top Ten reasons to Leave Canada
10. Our politics (just don’t live in the US, it isn’t any better)
9. You can go somewhere that actually wins the Stanley Cup/World Series etc.
8. Better soccer in Brazil
7. You are allergic to or scared of water
6. You think your country is gay because of the pink used to represent it on maps
5. One word: Temperature
4. Snowblowers and snowmobiles are too expensive
3. You hate mosquitoes, but love sharks/cobras/spiders/other carnivores
2. You like working for a military others are scared of
1. You can’t live up to other countries’ expectations
There are definitely more to be added, but these are what I thought to be the best.
I was talking about the Hand! Great job on picking on Harper, you said earlier you live in Ontario right? My family comes from there but i live in Alberta like i said, what are your thoughts on the West? And yes Klein actually has a grade 8 education I believe but we sure do well under the hick eh? 🙂 🙂 🙂
Originally posted by TopalovFanno kiddin, I hate Harper. Look at it this way, he would argue just to overthrow the Liberals even if Martin said "totally free healthcare for all"
I was talking about the Hand! Great job on picking on Harper, you said earlier you live in Ontario right? My family comes from there but i live in Alberta like i said, what are your thoughts on the West? And yes Klein actually has a grade 8 education I believe but we sure do well under the hick eh? 🙂 🙂 🙂
As for your family, i'm working on a Top Ten for Ontario. It will be here soon.
As for Klein, he's funny to make fun of, but you got to give the guy credit, he hasn't chickened out because people make fun of him!!
My thoughts on the west are simple, wait, let me finish eating my bread . . . really, the West is cool with me. Saskatchewan is easy to draw, Alberta is home to the first outdoor NHL game, BC is where i want to go for university, and Maitoba has the town of Flin Flon. I love all of Canada, even Alert, NWT.
I'm from a town that doesn't have a Tim Horton's or a Canadian Tire. The name is Chapleau, Ontario (French for - the little town that was no good - synomynous with 'Crapleau)
Originally posted by TopalovFanwell, i'm still a high school student, but i work for Bell Canada Enterprises and want to go to BC to study weather and weather forcasting.
hahaha awesome, well Id actually like to go to uni in BC or Mon, Im in my early 20s, what about you? What do you do for a living?
What Top Ten do you think i should do next? i'm running out!