hiya pawnzy, make your own jokes. please.
people who find red hot pawn soon find out that this isn’t the ‘pawn’ they are looking for.
kasparov plays a match against a chess playing cat. and people give high praise to this cat for its chess playing skillz. and kasparov gets all sorts of insulted, fidgets, makes some constipated expressions, and protests ‘but i am winning 3 games to 1!’
fischer goes to a chess tournament, hooks up with some really hot chess chick. they make out, fall in love, and soon they plan to get married. so they make all the wedding preparations, soft lighting at the ceremony, no cameras, no media, first seven rows of seats kept empty, they hold it in a church shaped like a rook, and green lights all the way to the ceremony. so the wedding day comes, both delegations arrive, reverend schmid is there, so is fischer’s best man lombardy, and the bride. but no fischer. upset, the bride dispatches lombardy to get fischer. lombardy finds fischer in his room playing with his pocket chess set. lombardy asks fischer what the hell he is doing and then fischer informs him that he is not going to the wedding. so lombardy says ‘but bobby, we’ve met your every demand!’ fischer replies, ‘yes, but i don’t want to be mated!’
bobby when asked about his refutation of the king’s gambit, said ‘of course it is unsound, i have never won a chess game after giving up my king!’
nimzowitsch goes to a wild party, finds a girl, a room, and asks the girl to help him put on 50 condoms. shocked, the girl asks him ‘why so many?’ nimzo replies ‘well, i am not the master of overprotection for nothing!’
tal on keeping his queen on the board in a complicated position against byrne, ‘oh there would be no intrigue without women!’
botvinnik went for a walk with euwe in the park in some western european country. botvinnik saw an unusual dog breed and quipped ‘they don’t have dogs like that in russia.’ euwe replied ‘no, i expect your people have eaten them all.’ botvinnik didn’t like euwe for awhile after that.
two patzers are studying a complicated chess problem in the park when a grandmaster walks by. the chess players ask the grandmaster to help them analyze, the grandmaster kindly obliges. so the grandmaster thinks and thinks. ten minutes go by. so one of the patzers asks the gm ‘so what is your opinion.’ then the gm wipes all the pieces off the board. the players protest ‘what was that for?’ the gm replies, ‘solves that problem’ and walks away.
alekhine to secret police after world war II, 'but i am the greatest chess master in the world!' the police reply 'nope, you're a dead man.' and so he goes.
alekhine, drunk at some party, says, 'capablanca? yes, yes, he's definitely a virgin.' his friends say 'how do you know?' alekhine replies 'how else would you explain his success with the white pieces?'
tal meets a prostitute. tal says 'my head is full of sunshine!' the prostitute says, 'my head is full of cum.'
tal once had a game with a beautiful girl. soon a complicated position was reached, all sorts of sacrificing possibilities. so tal is thinking how to ask out this girl. all sorts of plans are formed, ask her out to dinner, the cinema, to the park, to his bed... and suddenly the position came clear, and after 70 more moves the game ended in a draw. so in the analysis, the girl references all the tactical possibilities stating, 'i was looking at nxe6, nxf7, bxh7+ but you did not play them.' and tal replies, 'i was looking at your cleavage.'
how the chess world was formed:
caissa made the chess world in 7 days and 7 nights
on the first day came the board, the pieces, the rules. and all was good.
on the 2nd day came steinitz, who brought order to chess. and all was good.
on the 3rd day came botvinnik who brought a 'universal style to chess. and all was good.
on the 4th day came fischer, who brought professionialism to chess. and all was good.
on the 5th day came karpov, who brought prophylaxis to chess. and all was good.
on the 6th day came kasparov, who was an arrogant arse. but all was still good.
on the 7th day came FIDE, messing up the world championship system and the time controls. and everything SUCKED.