Originally posted by Hand of Hecate
A good friend of mine has been married for 16 years. He's currently 39 and loves his wife very much. Personally I think she's a loud mouthed, know it all, self absorbed, tool, but, I don't have to go home to her.
This friend of mine is one of the best guys you'll ever meet, kind hearted, generous to a fault, and never a bad word to say about an ...[text shortened]... a bag of lime, I'm at a loss. Any guidance you can give me would be appreciated.
HoH:
Sorry to hear of your friend having such a hard time of it. What should be heaven on earth--- given the wrong combination of factors--- can become hell on earth. No wonder one of the old-timers said:
Proverbs 21:9
Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.
Unfortnuately, your friend is in an institution which allows for divorce under extremely narrow conditions. The parameters are not there for the purpose of
limiting a person's options for happiness; rather they exist for
ensuring happiness. What may appear to be relief (divorce) would (given the limited information offered here) actually induce
greater suffering for your friend than even his current state provides.
When pressure outside the soul exceeds the content and capacity of the soul, stress ensues. My advice for your friend is the same advice I give myself in times of pressure: when the situation I am facing is greater than I can handle (exceeding my resources to cope), I know that I am suffering for discipline. The Bible tells us that God never allows us to be tested beyond the resources He has provided us to handle. Therefore, when I find that I am in that exact situation--- regardless of the details--- I know I've somehow wandered from His table of resource.
The sin may be directly related to the situation (which, for your friend, doesn't appear to be the case), or simply a case of not paying attention to one's own spiritual growth. Once confessed, any residual suffering becomes an opportunity for growth and blessing. Whatever the case, the protocol plan demands precision in the spiritual life: there is only a right way to do a right thing. One cannot do a right thing in a wrong way, nor a wrong thing in a right way and remain "growing in grace and the knowledge of the Lord Jesus Christ" as commanded.
Pursuing divorce would be a wrong decision from a position of weakness, further compounding (what he and those in his periphery consider to be) his problems. God does not expect His children to 'grin and bear' their way through life: happiness is the objective of life. Yet the cart must follow the horse if progress is to be made toward that life of over-flowing joy.
We all have decisions to make, regardless of the situations in which we find ourselves. Solving a bad situation (bitch-on-wheels for a wife) with sin (unwarranted divorce) will most assuredly lead to a worse situation. Your friend will be in a better spot once he takes stock of his own situation--- the one between him and God, not him and his wife. Once his relationship with God is right,
any situation he finds himself in will be handled with grace, poise and capacity.