I have an announcement to make

Originally posted by C Hess
I am god...

If you're god, how come your chess rating curve is the reciprocal of RJHinds'?

Originally posted by C Hess
I am god.

??

No wait. Wait. Wait, will you? Hear me out.

I really am god, and here's how I'll convince you. I will start by telling the most ridiculous
story about how I created the world. Then I'll follow up with admitting to all atrocities I've
committed to your ancestors; attrocities I were forced into because this creation of mine
just won' ...[text shortened]... ever want to hear how it's we atheists whom are nuts, ever again. You hear that?
Never again!

Hmm...certainly sounds pretty compelling! However I just want to clarify one point before making my choice

"...and save them from me...
Did you accomplish this by sacrificing yourself to yourself to pay some price you arbitrarily set for humans who act precisely as you knew they would act prior to spawning the human race?

I hope its a yes because if I am going to consign myself to a life of ignorance I don't want any of this namby-pamby stuff; I want super-strength full-fat crazy

Originally posted by divegeester
If you're god, how come your chess rating curve is the reciprocal of RJHinds'?

So that if RJHinds finally sees the light and believes in the one true god (C Hess), then when they re-unite, they shall become 1 ;]

Originally posted by C Hess
I am god.

??

No wait. Wait. Wait, will you? Hear me out.

I really am god, and here's how I'll convince you. I will start by telling the most ridiculous
story about how I created the world. Then I'll follow up with admitting to all atrocities I've
committed to your ancestors; attrocities I were forced into because this creation of mine
just won' ...[text shortened]... ever want to hear how it's we atheists whom are nuts, ever again. You hear that?
Never again!

so if i poked you with a stick, would you bruise? i will poke you with a stick anyway, because i am a blasphemer.

Originally posted by divegeester
If you're god, how come your chess rating curve is the reciprocal of RJHinds'?

C Hess is a Zen Master, his chess rating curve is in harmony with nature.

Originally posted by divegeester
If you're god, how come your chess rating curve is the reciprocal of RJHinds'?

If you enter my kingdom it will be reavealed, how my curve is in fact perfection. 😠

Originally posted by Agerg
Hmm...certainly sounds pretty compelling! However I just want to clarify one point before making my choice

"...and save them from me...
Did you accomplish this by sacrificing yourself to yourself to pay some price you arbitrarily set for humans who act precisely as you knew they would act prior to spawning the human race?

I hope its a yes because ...[text shortened]... fe of ignorance I don't want any of this namby-pamby stuff; I want super-strength full-fat crazy

You want full fat crazh, uh!? You want full fat crazy!? I created the world the way it is, and I
still command your respect and unquestionable devotion. How's that for crazy!?

Good you may join the ranks.

Originally posted by Zahlanzi
so if i poked you with a stick, would you bruise? i will poke you with a stick anyway, because i am a blasphemer.

BLASPHEMER!!!BLASPHEMER!!!

Yes! I'm pointing at you! Your punishment shall be an eternity of separation from me! HA! Take that!

Originally posted by C Hess

Never again![/b]

Wait until after the laughter dies down and kids picks themselves up off the floor from rolling around holding their sides.

So let's now go through this stupid little lampoon and show how mistaken you are in your caricature:

I am god.

This is great for someone who thinks the bible consists of maybe only one sentence - "I am god". Sure, there are many many passages in which God speaks and tells man that it is God speaking.

There are however many acts of ALL KINDS accompanying that self revelation. No, sorry, not just one kind, (MY favorite kind). But there are varied, and multi-varied kinds of actions accompanying the revelation. Some acts of miraculous, some not miraculous at all. The books about the Jews returning from the Babylonian captivity are largely marked with an absence of the miraculous.

Then there are acts of mercy, but wrath too, kindness, but severity too, longsuffering, patience, faithfulness, liberalness, strictness, and other attributes. No there are not just ONE kind of way God expresses Himself. There are many ways over the course of centuries God expresses Himself.

"God, having spoken of old in MANY portions and in MANY ways to the fathers in the prophets, Has at the last of these days spoken to us in the Son ..." (Hebrews 1:1)

God spoke in MANY ... WAYS. Of course stereotyping this in imbecilic simplistic terms makes for much better comedic lampooning. It also excuses one from having to read too much.

No wait. Wait. Wait, will you? Hear me out.

I really am god, and here's how I'll convince you.

God spoke "of old in many portions and in many ways".

I will start by telling the most ridiculous
story about how I created the world.

It is evident to many that the book of Genesis is not intended to be an exhaustive account of how God created the world. If this was the case then perhaps instead of two chapters there would be 200 books. Just to explain dirt or water would require God to have Moses write a book possibly as long as the Bible itself in its 66 books.

The author of Genesis, we can see from other books like Leviticus, was perfectly capable of minute details of technical nature. So two poetic yet informative chapters on the creation of the world is obviously not intended to be scientifically exhaustive account of the technicalities of HOW God brought everything into existence.

That some Christians may hope that that is what it is does not make it so.

By the way, it would be interesting for anyone here to point out another account from mythology of another source telling us that a god created the universe out of NOTHING. I would wager that the bulk of cosmogonies of other mythologies always have a deity working with existing stuff.

I believe that the Hebrew canon is unique in that it records God creating the universe of time, space, and matter out of nothing at all -

" In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. (Gen. 1:1)

Or match this statement from any other ancient creation account -

"All things came into being came into being through Him, and apart from Him NOT ONE THING came into being which has come into being." (John 1:3 my emphasis)

Or match this statement with a similar one saying all things visible and invisible came into existence because of the Creator:

"Because in Him all things were created, in the heavens and on the earth, the visible and the invisible, whether thrones of lorships or rulers or authorities; all things have been created through Him and unto Him." (Col. 1:16)

Or could you match this statement in any other ancient cosmogeny saying that God is holding everything together ?

"And He is before all things, and all things cohere in Him." (Col. 1:17)

Or can you match me with a mythology saying God upholds all things by a word?

"Who being the effulgence of His glory and the impress of His substance and upholding and bearing all things by the word of His power ..." (Hebrews 1:3)

Can you match me with a mythology saying that all things exist because of God's will or God's plan ?

" ... for You created all things, and because of Your will they were, and were created." (Revelation 4:11)

Or can you match me with a mythology that tells us God calls all things not being into being ?

" God ... who gives life to the dead and calls the things not being as being." (Romans 4:17)

The point is that the account of a Creator of all things in the Bible, I think, is absolutely unique among ancient cosmologies.

Then I'll follow up with admitting to all atrocities I've
committed to your ancestors; atrocities I were forced into because this creation of mine just won't work as I intended it too.

Stupid as urban wall graffiti. Not worthy of much comment.

Deuteronomy chapter 28 speaks in stark terms of the a atrocious things which will happen to Israel as a result of rebelling against and leaving the God of Israel.

Most of this is akin to a parent telling how bad it will be if a child of thier's puts a bag of lunch into a sack on the end of a stick and decides to run away from home. Why should they not tell the child that bad things will result in them going out from under their protection, and especially so if they know that parent has specific enemies out there who hate them and their child?

Finally, I'll appear to those who already bought in to this
crap, and save them from me... themselves! Save them from themselves. Because they believed me, I will save them by having them spend all eternity with me.

I see a couple of misunderstandings of the Bible are evidenced in this lampoon.

God's desire from the beginning was to blend and mingle with man. And before he did that Satan injected and infested man. The enemy of God's way is to always rush ahead of God and imitate what God Himself plans to do.

So the salvation from the self is really a salvation from a parasitic infestation that has polluted man. This is brief.

The other thing I don't care for about the caricature is that it views God as arbitrarily self centered. That is one would be punished because one does not LIKE God, and His feelings are offended.

However, whether one likes God or dislikes God it is logical that there is an ultimate source of what is RIGHT.

Example, if I drive 90 miles an hour in a zone which only allows me to drive 35 miles per hour, I will go before a traffic judge probably to pay a ticket. The judge does not say - 'Well because you don't like me I am vindictive and am going to levy this ticket for you to pay. That will teach you to like me."

It is not a personal matter. It is a matter of the law.

Now some people think that God should somehow recuse Himself from judging man because it exposes a conflict of interest. After all He does love man and want man to love Him back. Right? So since God is personally involved desiring our love, well, He should recuse Himself as any Judge over us.

But it is not His fault that He as the Lover and Creator of man is also the Ultimate Righteousness, Judge and Governor also. There could only be ONE ultimate Source of all sentient beings.

It so happens that His nature is such that He can be Savior as well. But many refuse to believe it. But if the Savior appears to act convincingly like God, we have ground TO believe it though it us wonderful and astounding.

I don't ever want to hear how it's we atheists whom are nuts, ever again. You hear that?

Atheists do not offend God in the way you might think. God has day by day listened to the thoughts and words of Atheists for thousands of years. God still provides rain, sunshine, and many other outward blessings on believers and unbelievers in an impartial way.

He's not striking down with lightening atheists on their way home. He's granting opportunities for them to believe and waiting with patience for their hearts to turn with great depth of understanding.

At the same time - "No lie can live forever." (not a bible verse)

Originally posted by C Hess
I am god.

??

No wait. Wait. Wait, will you? Hear me out.

I really am god, and here's how I'll convince you. I will start by telling the most ridiculous
story about how I created the world. Then I'll follow up with admitting to all atrocities I've
committed to your ancestors; attrocities I were forced into because this creation of mine
just won' ...[text shortened]... ever want to hear how it's we atheists whom are nuts, ever again. You hear that?
Never again!

Who said you were nuts?

Originally posted by robbie carrobie
C Hess is a Zen Master, his chess rating curve is in harmony with nature.

Uhm, ya, this is good answer also. Blessing I bestow on you, that you shall forever know
the truth. 🙂 Just don't stray from the path or I will go woodsman crazy on your existence,
for once you've received this knowledge there's no excuse! No excuse.



no... exc... usssse... i seee you...



Hey, happy easter, by the way. And that goes to all of you. May you all enjoy this weekend
in full with all your loved ones.

Originally posted by C Hess
Uhm, ya, this is good answer also. Blessing I bestow on you, that you shall forever know
the truth. 🙂 Just don't stray from the path or I will go woodsman crazy on your existence,
for once you've received this knowledge there's no excuse! No excuse.



no... exc... usssse... i seee you...



Hey, happy easter, by the way. And that goes to all of you. May you all enjoy this weekend
in full with all your loved ones.

You too mister!

Originally posted by C Hess
I am god.

??

No wait. Wait. Wait, will you? Hear me out.

I really am god, and here's how I'll convince you. I will start by telling the most ridiculous
story about how I created the world. Then I'll follow up with admitting to all atrocities I've
committed to your ancestors; attrocities I were forced into because this creation of mine
just won' ...[text shortened]... ever want to hear how it's we atheists whom are nuts, ever again. You hear that?
Never again!

Atheists aren't nuts, there are more of you guys in heaven than you could possibly know. 'When did we see you? when did we feed you? And the Lord said, when you helped the least of your bretheren, when you fed the hungry, when you clothed the naked, when you helped those who were sick. You did this for Me.' And they went into heaven.