Religous jokes

Jewish Grandma and Grandson


A Jewish grandmother gives directions to her grown grandson who is coming to visit with his wife:

"You come to the front door of the apartment complex. I'm in apartment 14T.

There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow push button 14T. I will buzz you in.

Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with your elbow hit 14.

When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell."

"Grandma," says the grandson, "that sounds easy, but why am I hitting all those buttons with my elbow?"

"What," she exclaims, "you're coming empty handed?"

A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, "I almost had an affair with another woman."
The priest said, "What do you mean, almost?" The Irishman said, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but thenIstopped."
The priest said, "Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're
not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box."
The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, "I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The Irishman replied, "Yes father, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in.: