This morning on the 401,
I looked over to my
left and there was a
WOMAN !!
in a brand new
Cadillac
doing 65 mph
with her
face up next to her
rear view mirror
putting on her eyeliner.
I looked away
for a couple seconds
and when I looked back she was
halfway over in my lane,
still working on that makeup.
As a man,
I don't scare easily.
But she scared me so much;
I dropped
my electric shaver,
which knocked
the donut
out of my other hand.
In all
the confusion of trying
to straighten out the car
using my knees against
the steering wheel,
it knocked
my cell phone
away from my ear
which fell
into the coffee
between my legs,
splashed,
and burned
Big Jim and the Twins,
ruined the damn phone,
soaked my pants,
and disconnected an
important call.
Damn women drivers
A muslim goes to the doctor because he is not feeling well. The doctor consults with him and decides he will need to do a full physical and possibly some other tests. He tells the muslim to remove all of his clothes and put a gown on and that he will return after a few minutes. When the doctor returns there is the muslim in the gown but still wearing his turbin. The doctor explains that when he said all of his clothes he meant the turbin as well. The muslim protests upon religious grounds but the doctor insists that he will not be able to help if he does not comply. So reluctantly the muslim removes his turbin and to the doctors surprise there is a toad sitting on the muslim's head. The doctor looks at it and asks "How long has that been there?". The toad replies "Never mind how long it has been there! It started out as a wart on my a$$".
GV
Originally posted by Nighthawk62Gay.
A muslim goes to the doctor because he is not feeling well. The doctor consults with him and decides he will need to do a full physical and possibly some other tests. He tells the muslim to remove all of his clothes and put a gown on and that he will return after a few minutes. When the doctor returns there is the muslim in the gown but still wearing his ...[text shortened]... replies "Never mind how long it has been there! It started out as a wart on my a$$".
GV
Originally posted by boarman😞
A man walks into an adult shop and asks for a blow up doll.
The man behind the counter asks male or female,to which the customer replies female.
Black or white the man asks,to which the customer replies white.
Muslim or christian the shop owner asks.
Whats religion got to do with it the customer asks.
The muslim one blows itself up.
Originally posted by Daemon SinHow many dyslexics do you need to change a bight-lulb?
2 dyslexics are in a car.
One turns to the other and says "Can you smell petrol?"
The other replies "Don't be stupid, I can't even smell my own name."
DISCLAIMER
Yes, I know that there are many logical faults with this offensive joke but I didn't make it up...
(There are no logical faults with this inoffensive joke cos I made it up...)