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Jokes about Professions

Jokes about Professions

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Originally posted by shortcircuit
What do you call 100,000 drowned politicians in the bottom of the ocean?

A good start
What do you have when 10,000 lawyers are buried up to their neck in sand?




Not enough sand.

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Why do doctors hate to operate on lawyers and politicians?

Because they have no hearts; they have no guts; they have no brains; and their heads and arses are interchangeable.

4 edits
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Originally posted by Nordlys
A brass player walks past a pub.

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- What's a violist in hydrochloric acid?
- A solved problem.

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- What's the difference between a bull and an orchestra?
- The bull has the horns in the front and the a-hole in the back.
About viola players I've got one nice story,and it is real.
A friend of mine,a conductor showed me once a score,from which he conducted. For all sections it said sempre pp. For violas,there were two measures,every marked with pp ,and in the third sempre appeared.
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A student of compositon had no idea for his diploma piece. His tutor advised him to take Brandenburg Concerto,and rewrite it from the end to the begging,in inversion. He did,and went for the exam.
Of course,he failed. How you could pass an composition exam,when a piece you wrote is Penderecki's piano concerto...

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Originally posted by Nordlys
Hm, what profession is that about? 😉
A lumberjack?

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Originally posted by Choreant
About viola players I've got one nice story,and it is real.
A friend of mine,a conductor showed me once a score,from which he conducted. For all sections it said sempre pp. For violas,there were two measures,every marked with pp ,and in the third sempre appeared.
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A student of composi ...[text shortened]... ow you could pass an composition exam,when a piece you wrote is Penderecki's piano concerto...
Reminds me of Thomas Beecham chastising a cellist:

My dear young lady you have a thing there, between your legs, capable of giving pleasure to thousands and all you can do is scratch it.

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Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.

Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.

Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.

Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
A: No.

Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.

Q: But could the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.