Bubba and Billy Bob were the two star performers on their college football team. Their professor informed the team coach that their grades were below average, making them ineligible to play in Saturday's "Big Game". The professor agreed to raise their grades if they passed a test. The coach pleaded, "Make the test easy professor". The test was one, fill-in-the-blank question: "Old MacDonald had a ______." While taking the test Billy Bob asked Bubba, "Hey Bubba, what's the answer?" Bubba made sure the professor wasn't looking and said, "FARM." Billy Bob then asked,"Hey, how do you spell farm?" Bubba said, "You big dummy, e i e i o."
Originally posted by ianpickeringOld Macdonald had dyslexia
Bubba and Billy Bob were the two star performers on their college football team. Their professor informed the team coach that their grades were below average, making them ineligible to play in Saturday's "Big Game". The professor agreed to raise their grades if they passed a test. The coach pleaded, "Make the test easy professor". The test was one, ...[text shortened]... " Billy Bob then asked,"Hey, how do you spell farm?" Bubba said, "You big dummy, e i e i o."
O I O I E
Once upon a time there was a frog, sitting on a lily pad. The frog wanted to get to the next lily pad, but the pond was filled with crocodiles. The frog started to think out loud - I wish I knew how to get to the next lily pad - when the wise old Owl sitting above in a tree heard the frog and said - why don’t you fly? I can’t fly, exclaimed the frog. The Owl then explained to the frog that if she could dream it - it would happen. The frog believing the all knowing wise owl, decided to give it a try. Of course the frog did not fly and fell into the middle of the pond, and betwixt all the crocodiles. Looking up at the owl the frog anxiously remarked, you silly owl, you knew that I could not fly!! The owl simply hooted - I deal in concepts, you have an implementation problem.
A blonde walks into the police department looking for a job. The officer asks
her some questions:
Officer: What's 2 + 2?
Blonde: Ummm... 4!
Officer: What's the square root of 100?
Blonde: Ummm... 10!
Officer: Good! Now, who killed Abraham Lincoln?
Blonde: Ummm... I dunno.
Officer: Well, you can go home and think about it. Come back tomorrow.
The blonde goes home and calls up one of her friends, who asks her if she got
the job.
The blonde replies excitedly, "Not only did I get the job, I'm already working
on a murder case!"
Dufus walks into a hardware store and walks up to the counter, where a clerk is standing.
"I need a box that is 1 inch wide, 1 inch high and 40 feet long." says Dufus.
The clerk looks a little puzzled, "Why would anyone need a box with such dimensions?"
Dufus gives the clerk a look of slight disdain and states, "I'm moving and I need a box to pack my clothes line."
-Ray.
A man is going to hire a new secretary. He does a little test, he puts a $20 bill on the floor before they enter, leaves the room and enters after they do. He has 3 women interview for the job.
The first doesn't even see it.
The second finds it and gives it to him, thinking he must have dropped it.
He replaces, but it is gone when he enters to interview the third.
Whom does he hire? The one with the biggest breasts.
There's two Irishmen (I know, politically incorrect, but who cares?), Paddy and Mick, walking down to the town to look for work. On their way, Paddy spots a big sign at the edge of the forest saying, "Tree Fellers Wanted - Good Rates Of Pay". Paddy turns to Mick and says, disappointedly, "Will you look at that, what a pity there's only the two of us"
How do you keep an Irishman busy?
Give him a piece of paper with "PTO" printed on both sides...
...or a can with "Open other end" on both ends.
How do you confuse an Irishman?
Stand him in a barrel and tell him to pee in the corner...
...or, show him three shovels and tell him to take his pick.
An old lady was sitting at the bus stop when a lady walks past with a condom over her cigarette, the old lady askes her "why do you have a condom over your cigarette?". The lady replied "It's so the cigarette doesnt get wet in the rain", "oh that's a good idea" the old lady says, "where do you get the condoms from?". "From the chemist", the lady replied. The old lady goes to the chemist and asks the attendant for some condoms.
The attendant looks at her funny and asks "what size would you like?"
(Old Lady)"Can I get one that fits a camel".