Jokes

@whodey said
Gravity.
can't measure it

@orangutan
Physics is not his best suite.....

Here is a question you can all ponder this Thanksgiving Holiday.

What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its diameter?







A pumpkin pi, of course.

A golfer was involved in a terrible car crash and was rushed to the hospital.
Just before he was put under, the surgeon popped in to see him.
"I have some good news and some bad news," says the surgeon.
"The bad news is that I have to remove your right arm!"
"Oh God no!” cries the man. "My golfing is over! Please Doc, what's the good news?"
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm.
I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."
"Go for it doc", says the man "As long as I can play golf again."
The operation went well and a year later the man was out on the golf course
when he bumped into the surgeon.
"Hi, how's the new arm?" asks the surgeon.
"Just great", says the businessman.
"I'm playing the best golf of my life. My new arm has a much finer touch and my putting
has really improved."
"That's great," said the surgeon.
"Not only that," continued the golfer, "my handwriting has improved, I've learned how to sew
my own clothes and I've even taken up painting landscapes in watercolors."
"Unbelievable!" said the surgeon, "I'm so glad to hear the transplant was such a great success.
Are you having any side effects?"
"Well, just one problem," said the golfer, "every time I get an erection, I also get a headache."

@whodey said
"The good news is, I have another one to replace it with, but it's a woman's arm.
I'll need your permission before I go ahead with the transplant."
"Go for it doc",
"Well, just one problem," said the golfer, "every time I get an erection, I also get a headache."

Not knowing how to castle?
That's a rookie error.
😳

*lost in space*

me - i wonder if anyone can hear me scream

wife - oh, ffs, just stop and ask for directions

the shortest distance between two idiots is an assumption

@rookie54 said
the shortest distance between two idiots is an assumption

Why can't you have a poker tournament in the serengeti?
Too many cheetahs!!

What's a dog's favorite part of a tree?
The bark!!

Teacher: "If I gave you 2 cats and another 2 cats and another 2, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "No, listen carefully... If I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven."
Teacher: "Let me put it to you differently. If I gave you two apples, and another two apples and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Six."
Teacher: "Good. Now if I gave you two cats, and another two cats and another two, how many would you have?"
Johnny: "Seven!"
Teacher: "Johnny, where in the heck do you get seven from?!"
Johnny: "Because I've already got a freaking cat!"

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump.
I ran over and said: "Stop. Don't do it!"
- "Why shouldn't I?" he asked.

"Well, there's so much to live for!"
- "Like what?"

"Are you religious?"
- He said: "Yes."

I said: "Me too. Are you Christian or Buddhist?"
- "Christian."

"Me too. Are you Catholic or Protestant?"
- "Protestant."

"Me too. Are you Episcopalian or Baptist?"
- "Baptist."

"Wow. Me too. Are you Baptist Church of God or Baptist Church of the Lord?"
- "Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you original Baptist Church of God, or are you Reformed Baptist Church of God?"
- "Reformed Baptist Church of God."

"Me too. Are you Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1879, or Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915?"
- He said: "Reformed Baptist Church of God, Reformation of 1915."


I said: "Die, heretic scum!" and pushed him off.

so is it a landing strip???

or an AMBUSH