Jokes

An organization is like a tree full of monkeys, all on different limbs at different levels. The monkeys on top look down and see a tree full of smiling faces. The monkeys on the bottom look up and see nothing but a-holes.

The same people who think Obama is a Muslim are the same people who think Trump is a Christian .

@caissad4 said
The same people who think Obama is a Muslim are the same people who think Trump is a Christian .

@caissad4 said
The same people who think Obama is a Muslim are the same people who think Trump is a Christian .

An employee goes to see his supervisor. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "Sorry, but we're short-handed," the boss replies. "I can’t give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says the employee. "I knew I could count on you!"

-VR

So I was playing chess with my dog the other day in the park. In amazement, people began to gather round to watch. One of them said, "Oh, how clever, a dog that can play chess", to which I replied, "No, not that clever, I lead 3 games to 1".

Now if you could choose between Bill Gate's money or world peace, what color would your Lamborghini be?

Doctor: It looks like you are pregnant.

Woman: I'm pregnant?

Doctor: No, it just looks like you are.

Man: I don't believe women should be allowed to vote and I believe everyone in the LGTB community should be executed.

Social justice warrior: Why you bigoted, white, male, fascist Nazi!!

Man: I'm also a Muslim.

Social justice warrior: I'm sorry, I did not mean to come across as Islamophobic. Can you ever forgive me?

The Progressive version of Paul Revere:

"The British are coming! So put up your gun free zone signs and hide in your safe place!"

What does a single Briton do at a bus stop?

He forms an oderly Queue of one.

One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison.

Richard a village doctor was a
Richard a village doctor was awakened at 4 a.m. to make a house call. He reluctantly got dressed and braved a snowstorm. After the examination, he told the patient to send immediately for his lawyer and relatives and friends and make a will.
When he got home and told his wife asked of what he had seen and done. His wife asked, "Was the patient really that bad?"
Richard said, "No, I just didn't want to be the only idiot called out on a night like this."

Read more on page: http://www.jokesoftheday.net/tag/doctor/

-VR

@ghost-of-a-duke said
One of the most wonderful things in life is to wake up and enjoy a cuddle with somebody; unless you are in prison.