Jokes

@shallow-blue said
As if any corner girl would accept a tenner from whodey!

The man who invented auto-correct has died.

His funfair is on sundial at moon.

Times were tough. Homer suggested to his wife that she go out on the corner and hook to keep them going. Connie agreed.

When Connie came back she put a load of nickels on the table. Homer said, "which one gave you a nickel"

Connie said, "all of them" :-)

Has anyone heard of the new restaurant called "Karma"?
- There's no menu. You get what you deserve.

Where are average things manufactured?
- At the satisfactory.

What sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
- A nervous wreck.

What does a nosy pepper do?
- Gets jalapeño business!

When life gives you lemons , squirt someone in the eye .

@caissad4
Just close your own eyes when you do to avoid backsplash.....

Read this one somwhere and found it funny:

The cable repairman was on my street and asked me what time it was. I told him it is between 8 am and 1 pm.

@Ponderable
Good one! So true.

Did anyone hear about Trump's recent visit to the Doctor?
- He apparently tried to obtain a note exempting him from impeachment.

An Iranian official recently solicited his countrymen for 80 million dollars as a bounty for Trump's head.
- George Lopez pledged that it could be done for half.

Why do Trump's bodyguards always walk around in threes?
- One can read, one can write, and the third keeps an eye on the two intellectuals.

Trump is like really smart. He has the best words. Knows the best people. Loves the US Constitution. It has that Article 2. No one ever talks about it.

Love how he has dignified the office. Unified the Country. Advocated against bullying. Raised the level of civility. Tamped down racism and xenophobia.

(BTW, this is a joke , just in case loyal cultists might think this was placed in the wrong thread)

" Mike Bloomberg should buy Fox News and staff it with Mexicans "
I saw this today as a comment on YouTube .

Life is too short to mope about anything.
Laugh more at yourself.
If you can't, call me, I will do it for you.

My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with walkie-talkies. She said "I'm leaving. It's over".
I said "It's what? Over".

@orangutan said
My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with walkie-talkies. She said "I'm leaving. It's over".
I said "It's what? Over".