Jokes

To the guy that invented zero: thanks for nothing.

Do you know what the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club is? You know what? Nevermind. Forget it. It's fine.

@fmf said
Do you know what the first rule of Passive Aggressive Club is? You know what? Nevermind. Forget it. It's fine.

The first rule of Sign Language Club is, you don't talk about Sign Language Club.

Why does everyone say Fred Astair was such a great dancer? Ginger Rogers did all the same steps -- backwards, and in high-heels.

I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night.

I'm at the hospital now, waiting to be seen.

Superman is flying over Metropolis where he sees Wonder woman lying naked on her back, so he decided to do the deed. The next morning he meets her for breakfast and enquires how she is. She says she is fine but the invisible man is walking a bit funny.

What do you do if you're ever attacked by a gang of clowns?

Go for the juggler!

What is the difference between California and the Titanic?
The Titanic had its lights on when it sank.

What's the difference between pink and purple?



...her grip.

@ccpatzer said
What's the difference between pink and purple?



...her grip.

I just burned 2,000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I take a nap.

I got home and found my kids had been on eBay all day. If they're still there tomorrow, I'll lower the price.

My kids refused to eat leftover tacos for dinner. So my wife said to throw them out. I did. Now I have no idea what to do with the tacos.

The police just knocked on my door. They said my dog was chasing a kid on his bike. I just closed the door. My dog doesn't even have a bike.