General Forum

General Forum

  1. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
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    10 Nov '14 17:141 edit
    "Puns and Funny English...

    Play on Words, Wise Sayings, Proverbs, Quotations, Humorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts.

    What Is a Pun? "A pun, or paronomasia, is a form of word play that deliberately exploits an ambiguity between similar-sounding words for humorous or rhetorical effect. Such ambiguity may arise from the intentional misuse of homophonical, homographical, homonymic, polysemic, metonymic, or metaphorical language." "A Pun is a joke or type of wordplay in which similar senses or sounds of two words or phrases, or different senses of the same word, are deliberately confused; To tell a pun, to make a play on words."

    1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.

    2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.

    3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

    4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

    5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

    6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.

    7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

    8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

    9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

    10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

    11. The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less. ~Dr. Bob Moorehead. See Words Aptly Spoken

    12. Why do we have noses that run and feet that smell? ~ Unknown.

    13. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did." (Ouch. To be continued anyway)

    http://www.bydewey.com/pun.html

    Comment: Hope you'll enjoy these "Puns and Funny English, Play on Words, Wise Sayings, Proverbs, Quotations,
    Humorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts" and feel free to contribute many of your own.
  2. Standard memberredbadger
    Suzzie says Badger
    is Racist Bastard
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    10 Nov '14 17:20
    Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
    [b]"Puns and Funny English...

    Play on Words, Wise Sayings, Proverbs, Quotations, Humorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts.

    What Is a Pun? "A pun, or paronomasia, is a form of word play that deliberately exploits an ambiguity between similar-sounding words for humorous or rhetorical effect. Such ambiguity may arise from the int ...[text shortened]... ous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts" and feel free to contribute many of your own.[/b]
    GROAN
  3. Subscriberrookie54
    free tazer tickles..
    wildly content...
    Joined
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    10 Nov '14 18:32
    Originally posted by redbadger
    GROAN
    i wondered when i would meet a groan man...
  4. rebel city
    Joined
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    10 Nov '14 19:18
    I think I can still stir the pot. 😉
  5. Standard memberChessPraxis
    Cowboy From Hell
    American West
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    10 Nov '14 19:56
    Originally posted by Tabitha Marshall
    I think I can still stir the pot. 😉
    I think it's cashed. I'd better clean some more and refill the bowl. 😕
  6. SubscriberSuzianne
    Misfit Queen
    Isle of Misfit Toys
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    10 Nov '14 20:37
    Originally posted by ChessPraxis
    I think it's cashed. I'd better clean some more and refill the bowl. 😕
    "cashed"

    Man, I haven't heard that word used in that way in years.

    The video of old memories that opened up in my head was amazing.
  7. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
    USA
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    43012
    11 Nov '14 08:53
    Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
    "Puns and Funny English... (1)

    Play on Words, Wise Sayings, Proverbs, Quotations, Humorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts.

    What Is a Pun? "A pun, or paronomasia, is a form of word play that deliberately exploits an ambiguity between similar-sounding words for humorous or rhetorical effect. Such ambiguity may arise from the int ...[text shortened]... umorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts" and feel free to contribute many of your own.
    "Puns and Funny English... (2 of more)

    Play on Words, Wise Sayings, Proverbs, Quotations, Humorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts.


    14. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

    15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.

    17. A backward poet writes inverse.

    18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your Count that votes.

    19. The quickest way to get someone’s attention is to no longer want it. ~ Anonymous.

    20. An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way. ~ Charles Bukowski.

    21. Nothing haunts us like the things we don’t say. ~ Mitch Albom.

    22. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t. ~ Erica Jong.

    23. Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it. ~ Cullen Hightower.

    24. We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. ~ Aristotle.

    25. Work for a cause, not for applause.
    Live life to express, not to impress.
    Don't strive to make your presence noticed, just make your absence felt. ~ Unknown.

    26. You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish. ~ Unknown."
  8. Standard memberredbadger
    Suzzie says Badger
    is Racist Bastard
    Joined
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    11 Nov '14 15:50
    Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
    [b]"Puns and Funny English... (2 of more)

    Play on Words, Wise Sayings, Proverbs, Quotations, Humorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts.


    14. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

    15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    16. The soldier who survived mustard gas ...[text shortened]... your absence felt. ~ Unknown.

    26. You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish. ~ Unknown."[/b]
    27)you can take a horse to water but a pencil must be lead.
  9. Subscribercoquette
    Already mated
    Omaha, Nebraska, USA
    Joined
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    920397
    12 Nov '14 03:05
    Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
    [b]"Puns and Funny English...

    Play on Words, Wise Sayings, Proverbs, Quotations, Humorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts.

    What Is a Pun? "A pun, or paronomasia, is a form of word play that deliberately exploits an ambiguity between similar-sounding words for humorous or rhetorical effect. Such ambiguity may arise from the int ...[text shortened]... ous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts" and feel free to contribute many of your own.[/b]
    #7 & #13!!!!
  10. Subscribercoquette
    Already mated
    Omaha, Nebraska, USA
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    12 Nov '14 03:07
    #28. The criminal rapist escaped the maximum security prison. The headline scroll read "Nuts Bolts & Screws"
  11. Standard memberChessPraxis
    Cowboy From Hell
    American West
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    55013
    12 Nov '14 03:55
    Originally posted by redbadger
    27)you can take a horse to water but a pencil must be lead.
    You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think. 😕
  12. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
    USA
    Joined
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    43012
    12 Nov '14 04:48
    Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
    "Puns and Funny English... (2 of more)

    Play on Words, Wise Sayings, Proverbs, Quotations, Humorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts.


    14. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.

    15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.

    16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and ...[text shortened]... make your absence felt. ~ Unknown.

    26. You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish. ~ Unknown."
    "Puns and Funny English... (3 of more)

    27. I've failed the mathematics test so many times, I lost count. ~ Smitsy

    28. The barber opened up a shavings account. ~ Adele - Bohemia, NY

    29. My brother wishes he could compose smutty verse as good as mine. Is this scribbling ribaldry? ~ hamrag - London

    30. The phone call interrupted my nap, and I never did get the rest. ~ Dave - Whittier, CA

    31. A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation. ~ Anonymous

    32. I used to be afraid of purchasing residential property for the purpose of renting, but now I have an apartment complex. ~ Kathy - Nashville, TN

    33. Deafness is getting to be quite a problem for me lately. I never thought I'd hear myself say that. ~ Dave - Coventry, UK

    34. It's amazing what two or more sinners can achieve together with synergy. ~ Irish Limbo - Auckland

    35. I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now. ~ Anonymous

    36. I'm inclined to be laid back. ~ Irish Limbo - Auckland

    37. I don't know what possessed me to attend that seance. ~ melman-kyusa

    38. A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no. ~ Zac Hill

    39. John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind. ~ Terry - Omaha, Nebraska"
  13. Subscriberrookie54
    free tazer tickles..
    wildly content...
    Joined
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    138475
    12 Nov '14 15:47
    Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
    feel free to contribute (m)any of your own.
    so,
    got any gboriginals???
  14. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
    USA
    Joined
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    43012
    13 Nov '14 18:00
    Originally posted by rookie54
    so,
    got any gboriginals???
    Will do in due time, festina lente......
  15. Standard memberGrampy Bobby
    Boston Lad
    USA
    Joined
    14 Jul '07
    Moves
    43012
    13 Nov '14 18:03
    Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
    "Puns and Funny English... (3 of more)

    27. I've failed the mathematics test so many times, I lost count. ~ Smitsy

    28. The barber opened up a shavings account. ~ Adele - Bohemia, NY

    29. My brother wishes he could compose smutty verse as good as mine. Is this scribbling ribaldry? ~ hamrag - London

    30. The phone call interrupted my nap, an ...[text shortened]... e's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind. ~ Terry - Omaha, Nebraska"
    "Puns and Funny English... (4 of many more)

    40. I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.

    41. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

    42. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.

    43. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

    44. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.

    45. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.

    46. The batteries were given out free of charge.

    47. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

    48. A will is a dead giveaway.

    49. If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.

    50. People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.

    51. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.

    52. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it."
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