"Puns and Funny English...
Play on Words, Wise Sayings, Proverbs, Quotations, Humorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts.
What Is a Pun? "A pun, or paronomasia, is a form of word play that deliberately exploits an ambiguity between similar-sounding words for humorous or rhetorical effect. Such ambiguity may arise from the intentional misuse of homophonical, homographical, homonymic, polysemic, metonymic, or metaphorical language." "A Pun is a joke or type of wordplay in which similar senses or sounds of two words or phrases, or different senses of the same word, are deliberately confused; To tell a pun, to make a play on words."
1. The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference. He acquired his size from too much pi.
2. I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian.
3. She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.
4. A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.
5. No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
6. A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was cited for littering.
7. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
8. Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.
9. A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.
10. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
11. The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings, but shorter tempers; wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints; we spend more, but have less; we buy more, but enjoy it less. ~Dr. Bob Moorehead. See Words Aptly Spoken
12. Why do we have noses that run and feet that smell? ~ Unknown.
13. There was the person who sent ten puns to friends with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did." (Ouch. To be continued anyway)
http://www.bydewey.com/pun.html
Comment: Hope you'll enjoy these "Puns and Funny English, Play on Words, Wise Sayings, Proverbs, Quotations,
Humorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts" and feel free to contribute many of your own.
Originally posted by Grampy BobbyGROAN
[b]"Puns and Funny English...
Play on Words, Wise Sayings, Proverbs, Quotations, Humorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts.
What Is a Pun? "A pun, or paronomasia, is a form of word play that deliberately exploits an ambiguity between similar-sounding words for humorous or rhetorical effect. Such ambiguity may arise from the int ...[text shortened]... ous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts" and feel free to contribute many of your own.[/b]
Originally posted by Grampy Bobby"Puns and Funny English... (2 of more)
"Puns and Funny English... (1)
Play on Words, Wise Sayings, Proverbs, Quotations, Humorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts.
What Is a Pun? "A pun, or paronomasia, is a form of word play that deliberately exploits an ambiguity between similar-sounding words for humorous or rhetorical effect. Such ambiguity may arise from the int ...[text shortened]... umorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts" and feel free to contribute many of your own.
Play on Words, Wise Sayings, Proverbs, Quotations, Humorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts.
14. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
17. A backward poet writes inverse.
18. In a democracy, it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your Count that votes.
19. The quickest way to get someone’s attention is to no longer want it. ~ Anonymous.
20. An intellectual says a simple thing in a hard way. An artist says a hard thing in a simple way. ~ Charles Bukowski.
21. Nothing haunts us like the things we don’t say. ~ Mitch Albom.
22. Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn’t. ~ Erica Jong.
23. Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it. ~ Cullen Hightower.
24. We are what we repeatedly do; excellence, then, is not an act but a habit. ~ Aristotle.
25. Work for a cause, not for applause.
Live life to express, not to impress.
Don't strive to make your presence noticed, just make your absence felt. ~ Unknown.
26. You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish. ~ Unknown."
Originally posted by Grampy Bobby27)you can take a horse to water but a pencil must be lead.
[b]"Puns and Funny English... (2 of more)
Play on Words, Wise Sayings, Proverbs, Quotations, Humorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts.
14. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas ...[text shortened]... your absence felt. ~ Unknown.
26. You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish. ~ Unknown."[/b]
Originally posted by Grampy Bobby#7 & #13!!!!
[b]"Puns and Funny English...
Play on Words, Wise Sayings, Proverbs, Quotations, Humorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts.
What Is a Pun? "A pun, or paronomasia, is a form of word play that deliberately exploits an ambiguity between similar-sounding words for humorous or rhetorical effect. Such ambiguity may arise from the int ...[text shortened]... ous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts" and feel free to contribute many of your own.[/b]
Originally posted by Grampy Bobby"Puns and Funny English... (3 of more)
"Puns and Funny English... (2 of more)
Play on Words, Wise Sayings, Proverbs, Quotations, Humorous Use of the English Language and Strange Facts.
14. If you jumped off the bridge in Paris, you'd be in Seine.
15. The midget fortune-teller who escaped from prison was a small medium at large.
16. The soldier who survived mustard gas and ...[text shortened]... make your absence felt. ~ Unknown.
26. You can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish. ~ Unknown."
27. I've failed the mathematics test so many times, I lost count. ~ Smitsy
28. The barber opened up a shavings account. ~ Adele - Bohemia, NY
29. My brother wishes he could compose smutty verse as good as mine. Is this scribbling ribaldry? ~ hamrag - London
30. The phone call interrupted my nap, and I never did get the rest. ~ Dave - Whittier, CA
31. A new type of broom came out, it is sweeping the nation. ~ Anonymous
32. I used to be afraid of purchasing residential property for the purpose of renting, but now I have an apartment complex. ~ Kathy - Nashville, TN
33. Deafness is getting to be quite a problem for me lately. I never thought I'd hear myself say that. ~ Dave - Coventry, UK
34. It's amazing what two or more sinners can achieve together with synergy. ~ Irish Limbo - Auckland
35. I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now. ~ Anonymous
36. I'm inclined to be laid back. ~ Irish Limbo - Auckland
37. I don't know what possessed me to attend that seance. ~ melman-kyusa
38. A rule of grammar: double negatives are a no-no. ~ Zac Hill
39. John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind. ~ Terry - Omaha, Nebraska"
Originally posted by Grampy Bobby"Puns and Funny English... (4 of many more)
"Puns and Funny English... (3 of more)
27. I've failed the mathematics test so many times, I lost count. ~ Smitsy
28. The barber opened up a shavings account. ~ Adele - Bohemia, NY
29. My brother wishes he could compose smutty verse as good as mine. Is this scribbling ribaldry? ~ hamrag - London
30. The phone call interrupted my nap, an ...[text shortened]... e's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind. ~ Terry - Omaha, Nebraska"
40. I have kleptomania. But when it gets bad, I take something for it.
41. To write with a broken pencil is pointless.
42. When fish are in schools, they sometimes take debate.
43. A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.
44. When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
45. The professor discovered that her theory of earthquakes was on shaky ground.
46. The batteries were given out free of charge.
47. A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.
48. A will is a dead giveaway.
49. If you don't pay your exorcist, you can get repossessed.
50. People want the front of the bus, the back of the church, and the center of attention.
51. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat miner.
52. You are stuck with your debt if you can't budge it."