"Puns and Funny English... "

Many years ago I was working for a manager who was notorius for mixing his metaphors and his spoonerisms.

Two of his typical statements:

"We will burn that bridge when we come to it!"

"You are now skating on the thin edge of the wedge!"

Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
"Puns and Funny English... (8 groups of many more)

106. If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise. ~ Unknown.

107. Scratch a dog and you'll find a permanent job. ~ Franklin P. Jones.

108. The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. ~ Andy Rooney.

109. Everything I need to know I learned from my dog: When love ...[text shortened]... 8. Why are "wise man" and "wise guy" opposites?

119. Why are "overlook" and "oversee" opposites?"

"Puns and Funny English... (9 groups; many more)

120. It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense. ~ Mark Twain.

121. When you give someone your whole heart and he doesn’t want it,
you cannot take it back. It’s gone forever. ~ Sylvia Plath.

122. You are confined only by the walls you build yourself. ~ Andrew Murphy.

123. Love is blind, and greed insatiable. ~ Chinese proverb.

124. To the man who only has a hammer, everything he encounters begins to look like a nail. ~ Abraham Maslow.

125. I’d rather be a failure at something I love than a success at something I hate. ~ George Burns.

126. Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. ~ Mahatma Gandhi.

127. Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~ Chili Davis.

128. The three grand essentials of happiness are: something to do, someone to love, and something to hope for.
~ Alexander Chalmers."

"130. Life is a promise; fulfill it. ~ Mother Teresa.

131. Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. ~ Douglas Casey, Classmate of Bill Clinton at Georgetown University.

132. Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you!
~ Pericles (430 BC).

133. The inherent vice of capitalism is the unequal sharing of the blessings. The inherent blessing of socialism is the equal sharing of misery. ~ Winston Churchill.

134. Friendship must never be buried under the weight of misunderstanding. ~ Sri Chinmoy.

135. Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest. It's about who came, and never left your side. ~ Broken Friendship Quotes collected by Uttara Manohar.

136. We always thought we'd look back on our tears and laugh, but we never thought we'd look back on our laughter and cry. ~ Broken Friendship Quotes collected by Uttara Manohar.
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137. Give me the shortest word in the English language that contains the letters: abcdef, i.e. give me your feedback.

138. A prisoner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence. ~ Pun of the Day."

Originally posted by Grampy Bobby
"Puns and Funny English... (9 groups; many more)

120. It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense. ~ Mark Twain.

121. When you give someone your whole heart and he doesn’t want it,
you cannot take it back. It’s gone forever. ~ Sylvia Plath.

122. You are confined only by the walls you build yourself. ~ An ...[text shortened]... oner's favorite punctuation mark is the period. It marks the end of his sentence. ~ Pun of the Day."

"Puns and Funny English... (10th group; to be continued)

"139. I relish the fact that you've mustard the strength to ketchup to me. ~ Pun of the Day.

140. John Deere's manure spreader is the only equipment the company won't stand behind. ~ Terry - Omaha, NE.

141. Experts say the cost of funerals have risen by 50%, they blame it on the cost of living. ~ Jose - Miami.

142. It's better to love a short girl than not a tall. ~ Pun of the Day.

143. Alarms: What an octopus is.

144. I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not. ~ Kurt Cobain.

145. You can agree with me, or you can be wrong. ~ Edgar Argo.

146. Why do gorillas have big nostrils? Because they have big fingers.

147. In London, one man to another:
"You know, my daughter has married an Irishman."
"Oh, really?"
"No, O'Reilly."

148. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

149. What do you call a male ladybird?

150. Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.
~ George Bernard Shaw.
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151. From So You Think French Is Hard? Try English
PD Workshop: Creating a Basic Web Page
- Web Page 36 by Lorenzo Morra:

• I take it you already know of tough and bough and cough and dough.

• Others may stumble but not you, on hiccough, thorough, tough and through.

• Well done! And now you wish perhaps to learn of less familiar traps?

• Beware of heard, a dreadful word that looks like beard and sounds like bird.

• And dead -- it's said like bed, not bead -- For goodness' sake, don't call it deed.

• Watch out for meat and great and threat (they rhyme with suite and straight and debt).

• A moth is not a moth in mother, nor both in bother, broth in brother.

• And here is not a match for there, nor dear and fear or bear and pear.

• And then there's dose and rose and lose, just look them up -- goose and choose,

• And cork and work, and card and ward, and front and font, and word and sword,

• And do and go, and lone and gone, and wart and cart -- Come, come! I've hardly made a start!

• A dreadful language? Man alive!

• I mastered it when I was five!"