A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"
A turtle was walking down an alley in New York when he was mugged by a gang of snails. A police detective came to investigate and asked the turtle if he could explain what happened.
The turtle looked at the detective with a confused look on his face and replied "I don't know, it all happened so fast."
A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say: "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army.
The soldier picked it up, smiled and said: "That's it."
A zookeeper and his giraffe go to abar and start drinking it up.
The giraffe passes out and the bartender pays the bill and gets up to leave. When he's a few steps from the door the bartender looks at the giraffe and says to him: "Are you gonna leave that lyin there?"
The zookeeper turns to him and says "That's no lion, thats a giraffe."
Originally posted by ArachnarchistA Russian, American, and Pollock are driving through the desert when their car breaks down. Each of them agrees to take one item as they have to continue through the desert on foot.
A zookeeper and his giraffe go to abar and start drinking it up.
The giraffe passes out and the bartender pays the bill and gets up to leave. When he's a few steps from the door the bartender looks at the giraffe and says to him: "Are you gonna leave that lyin there?"
The zookeeper turns to him and says "That's no lion, thats a giraffe."
The Russian and Pollock ask the American what he is going to take.
He said, "the water in case I get thirsty."
They said that's cool.
The American and Pollock ask the Russian what he is going to take.
He said, "the food in case I get hungry."
They said that's cool.
The American and the Russian ask the Pollock what he is going to take.
He said, "the car door in case I get hot all I have to do is roll down the window."
Originally posted by Scotty70What's that fish doing in the desert?
A Russian, American, and Pollock are driving through the desert when their car breaks down. Each of them agrees to take one item as they have to continue through the desert on foot.
The Russian and Pollock ask the American what he is going to take.
He said, "the water in case I get thirsty."
They said that's cool.
The American and Pollock as ...[text shortened]...
He said, "the car door in case I get hot all I have to do is roll down the window."
Originally posted by Scotty70I heard the same joke before, but it was Kandinsky, not Pollock.
A Russian, American, and Pollock are driving through the desert when their car breaks down. Each of them agrees to take one item as they have to continue through the desert on foot.
The Russian and Pollock ask the American what he is going to take.
He said, "the water in case I get thirsty."
They said that's cool.
The American and Pollock as ...[text shortened]...
He said, "the car door in case I get hot all I have to do is roll down the window."