Absurd REALLY stupid stories in the bible.

So this REALLY stupid god decides these few thousand humans who tick him off because they refuse to massage his flagging ego daily, it causes a flood and incidentally kills BILLIONS of animals just to get back at those nasty humans.

Sure, it could happen. NOT.

Then this god says humans are BORN into sin.

This is some god you have, Corky.

You are born into sin and you can't EVER get out of that unless you massage the flagging ego of your god daily. At the end of decades of this you MIGHT get on the A list.

Then there was the virgin. Virgin gets knocked up by your god.

Sure, it could happen. The Virg SAYS so. Look hubby, I can't explain how the kid has blue eyes, oh, GOD made me preggy love.

This god also puts out the word, its ok to beat your women, after all, they are only worth about 60 percent of a man, worthless bitches.

Originally posted by sonhouse
So this REALLY stupid god decides these few thousand humans who tick him off because they refuse to massage his flagging ego daily, it causes a flood and incidentally kills BILLIONS of animals just to get back at those nasty humans.

Sure, it could happen. NOT.

Then this god says humans are BORN into sin.

This is some god you have, Corky.

You a ...[text shortened]... beat your women, after all, they are only worth about 60 percent of a man, worthless bitches.

I think you have some serious personal issues to sort out. That kind of anger does not result from your lack of belief in God. There is far more bothering you .. you need to get some help pal 😀

Originally posted by Rajk999
I think you have some serious personal issues to sort out. That kind of anger does not result from your lack of belief in God. There is far more bothering you .. you need to get some help pal 😀

Why?

He only asks a lot of uncomfortable questions that you cannot answer.

Originally posted by johnnylongwoody
Why?

He only asks a lot of uncomfortable questions that you cannot answer.

Did you see a question?

Originally posted by Rajk999
Did you see a question?

Well he is obviously questioning that which he was taught
or what he has read. He clearly sees it as at odds with
his own rational thinking. So yes he is questioning that
which we are all supposed to take on board and believe.

What other way would you see it?

It is always wise to question that which is put to you
in order to see if it is true or if the premise has any
truth or credibility.

You appear to accept it without question.
You even seem to think that because one
might question it then they need the help
of a shrink.

So therefore in view of you and your blind obedience
and acceptance I would ask you is it not you who might
need help here?

Originally posted by sonhouse
So this REALLY stupid god decides these few thousand humans who tick him off because they refuse to massage his flagging ego daily, it causes a flood and incidentally kills BILLIONS of animals just to get back at those nasty humans.

Sure, it could happen. NOT.

Then this god says humans are BORN into sin.

This is some god you have, Corky.

You a ...[text shortened]... beat your women, after all, they are only worth about 60 percent of a man, worthless bitches.

You seem to have issues, and is not talking about your magnetism for computer viruses ether. Whatever happen to you when you were younger let it go.

Originally posted by divegeester
You seem to have issues, and is not talking about your magnetism for computer viruses ether. Whatever happen to you when you were younger let it go.

All hail to the church of the most high holy pepperoni.


A reading from the book of Mozzarella.

And lo, he came to me and he said, Repent for the crust is at hand.

Then he did form the crust and miraculously it did multiply in his hand.
It went from 4 to 16 inches in seconds and then it was covered in all
manner of wonders. The sacred mozzarella with tomato puree and
red, yellow and green peppers and ham and sausage and the most
holy pepperoni. It was in the oven for three minutes and on the third
minute it did rise again to become the holiest of holies.

None could look upon its beauty or smell its aroma
without bending the knee and confessing that this was
truly the son of the most high almighty pizza.

Originally posted by johnnylongwoody
All hail to the church of the most high holy pepperoni.


A reading from the book of Mozzarella.

And lo, he came to me and he said, Repent for the crust is at hand.

Then he did form the crust and miraculously it did multiply in his hand.
It went from 4 to 16 inches in seconds and then it was covered in all
manner of wonders. The sacr ...[text shortened]... ut bending the knee and confessing that this was
truly the son of the most high almighty pizza.

Then the almighty Pizza met the spaghetti monster and all hell broke loose, Romano flying, Olive Oyl crying, pepperoni dying. It was awful I tell you, AWFUL.

Originally posted by sonhouse
Then the almighty Pizza met the spaghetti monster and all hell broke loose, Romano flying, Olive Oyl crying, pepperoni dying. It was awful I tell you, AWFUL.

Oh no ! It looks a schism is developing.

Originally posted by caissad4
Oh no ! It looks a schism is developing.

As Lord high Archbishop of the church of the most high holy pepperoni,
I want to welcome the true believers into our midst. Those who know
the true recipe shall be called the children of the pizza. They shall
inherit the mozzarella. Blessed are the tomato puree in heart
for they shall see all 16 inches. 😲

I was hoping we could talk about some of the lesser-known absurd stories in the Bible. Like the one where they killed you if you had a speech impediment ("Shibboleth"😉 or the one where the general promised to sacrifice the first living thing that comes to greet him after he wins the battle (and that's the one day the damn dog took a nap so he has to kill his daughter).

Originally posted by SwissGambit
I was hoping we could talk about some of the lesser-known absurd stories in the Bible. Like the one where they killed you if you had a speech impediment ("Shibboleth"😉 or the one where the general promised to sacrifice the first living thing that comes to greet him after he wins the battle (and that's the one day the damn dog took a nap so he has to kill his daughter).

I am sorry but I am not qualified to discuss that subject and I
therefore have to report ignorance of such matters.


But if you have a pizza that you'd like me to bless and break and......

Originally posted by johnnylongwoody
All hail to the church of the most high holy pepperoni.


A reading from the book of Mozzarella.

And lo, he came to me and he said, Repent for the crust is at hand.

Then he did form the crust and miraculously it did multiply in his hand.
It went from 4 to 16 inches in seconds and then it was covered in all
manner of wonders. The sacr ...[text shortened]... ut bending the knee and confessing that this was
truly the son of the most high almighty pizza.

And He proclaimed, "This is my most beloved Son, who drippeth Marinara
so that Ye might be saved from hunger. For it is My will that none starve,
and that all the world get a slice."

And unto them that declineth, he spake:
"Cursed are ye that refused a slice of the Most Holy, and ye shall suffer
many garden salads with fat-free imitation dressing only (and NO croutons),
and the Evil One shalt laugh and torment thee with the Smells of that which ye refused."

Originally posted by SwissGambit
And He proclaimed, "This is my most beloved Son, who drippeth Marinara
so that Ye might be saved from hunger. For it is My will that none starve,
and that all the world get a slice."

And unto them that declineth, he spake:
"Cursed are ye that refused a slice of the Most Holy, and ye shall suffer
many garden salads with fat-free imitation dressing ...[text shortened]... ,
and the Evil One shalt laugh and torment thee with the Smells of that which ye refused."

To them shall be the horrors of the salad bar.

They shall be cast into the lake of salad cream
and there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.
For unto them shall be the dill and the basil and the
iceberg lettuce which hold no truth and no flavour.

And they shall mourn for that which was pierced and sliced and divided
among the faithful. Blessed forever be the holy trinity of the pepperoni
the ham and the jalapeno. For therein lies lies the true path of taste.

The day of reckoning is coming. The wickedness of the salad bar shall
be forever overthrown and all shall sing and shout.......

Mighty potato salad has fallen.

Originally posted by sonhouse
So this REALLY stupid god decides these few thousand humans who tick him off because they refuse to massage his flagging ego daily, it causes a flood and incidentally kills BILLIONS of animals just to get back at those nasty humans.

Sure, it could happen. NOT.

Then this god says humans are BORN into sin.

This is some god you have, Corky.

You a ...[text shortened]... beat your women, after all, they are only worth about 60 percent of a man, worthless bitches.

These sound like your made up stupid stories to me.

The Instructor