Originally posted by KellyJay
[b]Blakbuzzrd
“What about someone like me who no longer believes? Do I still get grace? Is the unchangeable God's grace unwavering, or does it come and go depending on human belief?
I refer you to 2 Timothy 2:13: "If we are faithless, He remains faithful, for He cannot deny Himself." Also worth considering is Numbers 23:19: "God is not a man that h ...[text shortened]... so I’m assuming you just forgot about this
or have not had time to get back to it.
Kelly[/b]
Sorry for the delay, KellyJay. I owe you this from some time back, so here's the short version:
Obviously, there's going to be a bit of a disconnect here, because you believe certain things that I don't anymore. That makes talking about it hard, because the terms we would use ourselves don't have much meaning in conversation with each other (e.g., "walking with God," "a personal relationship with the Lord Jesus Christ," etc.). To try to get past that, though, I'm going to use language that I would have used then to describe my faith at that time, okay?
The answer is yes, I had a deep and abiding relationship with Christ. I became a believer in childhood, and had a number of periods where I was more or less focused on God. I read the Bible. A lot. In high school, other than an odd crisis or two, I went my own way spiritually (meaning I drank and messed around a lot). As soon as I went to college, though, I fell in with some Christian friends, and recommitted my life to Christ. In college, I was very involved in a student ministry, taking two summer mission trips to spread the gospel both stateside and internationally. I left that ministry after a while, not because I lost faith in God, but because I felt the ministry itself had lost touch with reality. At that time, I had no real words for it, but I was moving toward what is now termed a post-evangelical perspective. You can read up about that in recent books like
A New Kind of Christian by Brian McLaren, or Dave Tomlinson's
The Post-Evangelical. I prefer the latter, but I think you might really enjoy the former.
My heart was open to the guidance of the Holy Spirit, and I sought -- fiercely at times -- the Scriptures for truth and application to my life. I met and prayed with fellow believers in Christ, and my wife and I actually planned and started a class at our church for young married believers. I also met in accountability with three or four guys on a weekly basis, to share our lives and to encourage each other according that "iron sharpening iron" principle.
I wrestled with God. I yelled at God. I praised God, and I thanked God. I walked with Him through so many crises and personal fires that I considered Him both my worst opponent and best friend: the one who knew my name, so to speak, but the one who wouldn't scruple to punch me square in the jaw for the sake of sanctifying me. A Father who loved his children beyond anything they could know or understand, and who desired the best for them.
That was my faith.
And now it's gone.
You know, that kinda hurt.