1. Standard memberyo its me
    watch the acid...
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    28 Nov '11 07:52
    What do you think, based on your spiritual thinking, can - if you really loved them in the first place- can you ever stop loving that person?

    For me, the answer is no.
  2. Wat?
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    28 Nov '11 08:03
    Originally posted by yo its me
    What do you think, based on your spiritual thinking, can - if you really loved them in the first place- can you ever stop loving that person?

    For me, the answer is no.
    Nope.

    Unless that person killed you. 😀

    Dead fond memories are for people who don't know both themselves nor what love actually is.

    Affection, if right in the first place, doesn't become dead after loss.
    It lives on, in the positive side of memory, and now and then it re-surfaces to raise a gentle smile.

    -m.
  3. Standard memberRJHinds
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    28 Nov '11 08:37
    Originally posted by yo its me
    What do you think, based on your spiritual thinking, can - if you really loved them in the first place- can you ever stop loving that person?

    For me, the answer is no.
    I agree. Some people mistake infatuation and lust for real love.
  4. Joined
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    28 Nov '11 09:10
    Originally posted by yo its me
    What do you think, based on your spiritual thinking, can - if you really loved them in the first place-
    can you ever stop loving that person?

    For me, the answer is no.
    Yes, It is evidently possible, and there is more than one way it can happen.

    It's possible for people to drift apart and suddenly realise that those they used to love, they
    are now indifferent to.

    And it's also possible for betrayal to kill love.

    Love is only 'immortal' (metaphorically speaking) if it's maintained, and cherished.
    If neglected or abused it can die like anything else.
  5. Wat?
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    28 Nov '11 09:26
    Originally posted by googlefudge
    Yes, It is evidently possible, and there is more than one way it can happen.

    It's possible for people to drift apart and suddenly realise that those they used to love, they
    are now indifferent to.

    And it's also possible for betrayal to kill love.

    Love is only 'immortal' (metaphorically speaking) if it's maintained, and cherished.
    If neglected or abused it can die like anything else.
    For once, and the first time, I have to disagree with you.

    Drifting apart is not a viable option in 'true love' and support in a relationship, assuming we are talking about 'a relationship' here?

    For true love develops along paths of learning about each other. If drifting apart becomes an option, then that would be the option of a half party whose heart wasn't initially in 'true love'. To suddenly 'realise' indicates, to me, an initial mistake in choosing one's love.

    Betrayal causes pain, suffering and unknown neglect. Yet I'd still say that if even betrayal causes a break then the initial love and affection once entrusted isn't completely and suddenly 'dead'. The delusions and self-denial of being hurt may take over, but the initial memorial encounters live on, don't they?

    Abuse brings too many variables for not initially knowing somebody, but they attracted in the first place the beckon for love and therefore those 'feelings', which I think the OP is attempting to introduce, don't suddenly become non-memory and a killer of 'feelings'.

    If it died, we wouldn't have the affectionate memories of past love. Or are you saying you have no such memories?

    -m. 😉
  6. Cape Town
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    28 Nov '11 09:55
    Originally posted by mikelom
    Abuse brings too many variables for not initially knowing somebody, but they attracted in the first place the beckon for love and therefore those 'feelings', which I think the OP is attempting to introduce, don't suddenly become non-memory and a killer of 'feelings'.
    I don't think he said that it was a sudden change, but rather a sudden realization of a gradual change.

    Our feelings do change over time, and it is entirely possible to stop loving someone, either because you don't love what they become, or because you have changed and no longer even love what they were.
    Those denying this is possible are essentially denying that the human brain is capable of change, or hanging on to an idealistic notion of love that does not exist in reality.

    Who we are, from moment to moment, changes, and over time, that change can be very significant.
  7. Standard memberRJHinds
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    28 Nov '11 10:131 edit
    Originally posted by twhitehead
    I don't think he said that it was a sudden change, but rather a sudden realization of a gradual change.

    Our feelings do change over time, and it is entirely possible to stop loving someone, either because you don't love what they become, or because you have changed and no longer even love what they were.
    Those denying this is possible are essentially ...[text shortened]... ho we are, from moment to moment, changes, and over time, that change can be very significant.
    What you are referring to is "liking" someone with some other feelings
    thrown in for good measure. It does not seem to me to be real "love".

    P.S. I think real enduring love does exist in reality.
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    28 Nov '11 10:14
    Originally posted by twhitehead
    I don't think he said that it was a sudden change, but rather a sudden realization of a gradual change.

    Our feelings do change over time, and it is entirely possible to stop loving someone, either because you don't love what they become, or because you have changed and no longer even love what they were.
    Those denying this is possible are essentially ...[text shortened]... ho we are, from moment to moment, changes, and over time, that change can be very significant.
    yes, this is exactly what I meant.

    Also I would point out it's entirely possible for someone to love somebody where the feeling
    isn't reciprocated.
    The Romeo and Juliet pair of star-crossed lovers is far from the only form of 'true' love, and
    in the right (or wrong) situation it's possible for that to die too.

    This isn't to say that love can't overcome great obstacles, it can, or that people can't love
    someone even after a great betrayal, however the fact that it can happen, doesn't mean it
    always does.

    If love could never die it wouldn't be as precious. The fact that it's hard to come by, and possible
    to lose, is part of what makes it valuable, and in need of protection.
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    28 Nov '11 10:15
    Originally posted by RJHinds
    What you are referring to is "liking" someone with some other feelings
    thrown in for good measure. It does not seem to me to be real "love".
    No, we are talking about love, don't you DARE presume that only you know what that is.
  10. Cape Town
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    28 Nov '11 10:20
    Originally posted by RJHinds
    What you are referring to is "liking" someone with some other feelings
    thrown in for good measure. It does not seem to me to be real "love".

    P.S. I think real enduring love does exist in reality.
    I don't believe you have really thought about it, and are just talking about some imaginary ideal 'love'.
    How about trying to describe and define this 'real love' that you refer too?
  11. Wat?
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    28 Nov '11 10:23
    Originally posted by googlefudge
    Also I would point out it's entirely possible for someone to love somebody where the feeling
    isn't reciprocated. .
    Which gets back to my earlier question.

    Are we discussing love in a 'relationship', as I think was indicated by the OP?

    Or are we discussing isolated love and all forms of self loving, and loving impossible dreams too?

    -m.
  12. Standard memberRJHinds
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    28 Nov '11 10:261 edit
    Originally posted by googlefudge
    No, we are talking about love, don't you DARE presume that only you know what that is.
    Perhaps non of us then knows what love is. I only know that I still have
    an affection for the woman I married 45 years ago. I wish her to be happy
    and do what I can to provide the good things is life for her. I know it is
    not lust or infatuation any more and I think it is more than just liking her.
    I would not leave her for a younger and more beautiful woman because
    I do not want to hurt her feelings. Whatever this feeling is I have for her
    does not seem to be dying. You can call it what you will, but I call it love.
  13. Joined
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    28 Nov '11 10:28
    Originally posted by mikelom
    Which gets back to my earlier question.

    Are we discussing love in a 'relationship', as I think was indicated by the OP?

    Or are we discussing isolated love and all forms of self loving, and loving impossible dreams too?

    -m.
    The OP simply asks 'can you stop loving someone'.

    It doesn't ask could Romeo ever stop loving Juliet.

    And even if it's love in a 'relationship', my arguments still apply.
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    28 Nov '11 10:31
    Originally posted by RJHinds
    Perhaps non of us then knows what love is. I only know that I still have
    an affection for the woman I married 45 years ago. I wish her to be happy
    and do what I can to provide the good things is life for her. I know it is
    not lust or infatuation any more and I think it is more than just liking her.
    I would not leave her for a younger and more beautifu ...[text shortened]... s I have for her
    does not seem to be dying. You can call it what you will, but I call it love.
    I have no doubt you love your wife, and don't see this love ever dying, and it quite possibly never will.

    This doesn't mean that love can't die, just that yours wont (you believe).

    If love could never die then it renders saying that your love won't meaningless.

    Only if love could die does it mean anything to claim yours wont.
  15. Standard memberRJHinds
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    28 Nov '11 10:36
    Originally posted by googlefudge
    I have no doubt you love your wife, and don't see this love ever dying, and it quite possibly never will.

    This doesn't mean that love can't die, just that yours wont (you believe).

    If love could never die then it renders saying that your love won't meaningless.

    Only if love could die does it mean anything to claim yours wont.
    Yes, I see what you mean. I don't know then. Perhaps you are right.
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