Jokes

“After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, ‘Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep with a hot 23-year-old girl every night.
Now, I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 69-year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of things.’
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy's problems.”
Credit: unknown

How many Zen monks do you mneed to change a lightbulb?

Two one who changes the bulb and one who does not.

Joke in Gothenburg:

"Knock, knock, who's there?"
"Summer."
"Summer, who?"

🙂

Why did the golfer🏌️‍♂️ take two pair of pants to the course?

In case he got a hole in one.

@Great-Big-Stees said
Why did the golfer🏌️‍♂️ take two pair of pants to the course?

In case he got a hole in one.

A young girl handed Netanyahu a handful of fine powder. He asked, "What can I do with this?"
She replied, "I heard that when you bite the dust,things will be much better."

What do you call a dusty skeleton?

The “grimy” reaper.

Why did the spotted cat get disqualified from the Olympics?


It was a cheetah.

One Zen student said, "My teacher is the best. He can go days without eating."

The second said, "My teacher has so much self-control, he can go days without sleeping."

The third said, "My teacher is so wise that he eats when he's hungry and sleeps when he's tired."

@Ponderable said
One Zen student said, "My teacher is the best. He can go days without eating."

The second said, "My teacher has so much self-control, he can go days without sleeping."

The third said, "My teacher is so wise that he eats when he's hungry and sleeps when he's tired."

Unbelievable, my neighbour knocked on my door at 3am.
Fortunately I was still up playing on my drum set.

What is the difference between a drummer and a drum machine? – A drum machine gets just one set of instructions.

Cycled to the shop to buy a bottle of gin, but then I thought, what if I fall off my bike and the bottle gets broken? So, cleverly, I drank it all outside the shop. Good thing I did too, I fell off my bike seven times on my way home.

A woman in her 80s had married four times in her life. In her twenties, she had married a banker. Then, in her forties, an actor. In her 60s a priest. And finally, an undertaker, to whom she was still happily married.

"Why did you marry men from such diverse occupations?"

"Well," she replied, "One for the money. Two for the show. Three to get ready, and four to go!"

The Canary Islands have no canaries.
The Virgin Islands has no…canaries too.