Einstein Newton and Pascal were sat around having a chat.
Suddenly Einstein says lets play hide and seek,I love hide and seek.
I will be it,close my eyes and count to a hundred and you two go and hide he says.
Pascal runs off to hide but Newton sits down and pulls a piece of chalk out of his pocket.
He draws a square around himself,each side 1m long.
Einstein opens his eyes and says Newton you are rubbish at this I have found you straight away.
Newton replies no,you have found 1 Newton per square metre.
You have found Pascal !
The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her
son-in-law, Francois in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
"What happened Francois?" she asks anxiously.
"What happened? I'll tell you what happened! I sent an email to my
wife telling her I was coming home today from my business trip. I get home and guess what I found? Your daughter, my wife, Brigitte, naked with Pierre in our marital bed! This is unforgivable! The end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever! "Calm down, calm down Francois!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Brigitte would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened." Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "Francois I told you it must be a simple explanation..... She never got your email!"
Originally posted by @sonhouse A surgeon friend of mine wanted to make himself over into a woman and wanted to do the operation on himself.
I told him he would never pull it off.
I told my friends that I will be training to be a plastic surgeon ,that raised a few eyebrows !
A pilot crashed his plane into a giant ferris wheel, he survived and the police said he is coming round slowly.
Originally posted by @phil3000 I told my friends that I will be training to be a plastic surgeon ,that raised a few eyebrows !
A pilot crashed his plane into a giant ferris wheel, he survived and the police said he is coming round slowly.
A man went to Harley Street in London , having seen an advert for a
Gynaecologist's Assistant.
Knowing that nowadays, job advertisers aren't able to discriminate
against the applicant's gender, he was very interested, so he went in
and asked the secretary for details.
She retrieved the file and read to him: "This job entails preparing
ladies for the Gynaecologist. You will be responsible for helping them
out of their underwear, laying them down and carefully washing their
private areas, applying shaving foam to the necessary parts and
removing all unwanted foliage, and finally, you'll be required to rub
in soothing oils, in preparation for the Gynaecologist's examination.”
Then she told him “The annual salary is £65,000 and if you're
interested, you'll have to go to Aberdeen ".
"My goodness!", exclaimed the man, "Is that where the job is?".
She answered, "No , that's where the end of the queue is..."
A man went to Harley Street in London , having seen an advert for a
Gynaecologist's Assistant.
Knowing that nowadays, job advertisers aren't able to discriminate
against the applicant's gender, he was very interested, so he went in
and asked the secretary for details.
She re ...[text shortened]... man, "Is that where the job is?".
She answered, "No , that's where the end of the queue is..."
A Buddhist, an atheist and a Christian are stranded on a remote island. The Buddhist learns to find peace with his new life, the atheist examines the land's resources, and the Christian drowns trying to walk back to civilization.
Originally posted by @vivify A Buddhist, an atheist and a Christian are stranded on a remote island. The Buddhist learns to find peace with his new life, the atheist examines the land's resources, and the Christian drowns trying to walk back to civilization.
Paddy says to mick ......Michael I would be tinking of buying one of those Labrador dogs ..
Mick ....I wouldn't if I were you ,have you seen how many Labrador owners go blind Paddy ?
Jokes
11 Oct '17 22:14
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