Jokes

My series of exceedingly subtle and very funny jokes are all getting thumbed down. Could it be that they all lack any humor or is it more likely that the thumbs are all the actions of one jealous curmudgeon? I think that I know the answer and I am enjoying the thought immensely. Bring on the next downward directed thumb. Come on, prove how big you are (it is).

Originally posted by @coquette
What if there was a joke that nobody found to be humorous. Would it still be a joke?

Hello Coquette. I had to Google your name. Are you a flirt in real life?

Originally posted by @vivify
Hello Coquette. I had to Google your name. Are you a flirt in real life?

Oh My Heavens! Please! It's just a name. I'm not at all like that.

Originally posted by @coquette
Oh My Heavens! Please! It's just a name. I'm not at all like that.

Is that another joke?

Originally posted by @coquette
My series of exceedingly subtle and very funny jokes are all getting thumbed down. Could it be that they all lack any humor or is it more likely that the thumbs are all the actions of one jealous curmudgeon? I think that I know the answer and I am enjoying the thought immensely. Bring on the next downward directed thumb. Come on, prove how big you are (it is).

They are jealous, of course.

Originally posted by @great-big-stees
Is that another joke?

Nothing slips past you sweetie

A woman writes to the IT Technical support guy:

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5..0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5..3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do?

Signed,


Reply From Tech Support:


Dear Madam:
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.

Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta. Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

My friend payed £200 for a penis enlarger ,he wasn't very happy when he received a magnifying glass .
He said to make matters worse the only instructions that came with it were ....do not use in direct sunlight .

Originally posted by @torunn
A woman writes to the IT Technical support guy:

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable p ...[text shortened]... mprove memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

That's a good one !

Originally posted by @coquette
My series of exceedingly subtle and very funny jokes are all getting thumbed down. Could it be that they all lack any humor or is it more likely that the thumbs are all the actions of one jealous curmudgeon? I think that I know the answer and I am enjoying the thought immensely. Bring on the next downward directed thumb. Come on, prove how big you are (it is).

You think you have it bad.

Somehow I'm getting middle fingers instead of thumbs. I'm not sure how they did it, but just know it could be worse.

From comedian Aiko Tanaka:

"I worked in a Chinese food store for Jews. It was called 'Ching Ching'."

Originally posted by @torunn
A woman writes to the IT Technical support guy:

Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable p ...[text shortened]... mprove memory and performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!

LOL!

Thanks for the laugh this morning!

Originally posted by @coquette
My series of exceedingly subtle and very funny jokes are all getting thumbed down. Could it be that they all lack any humor or is it more likely that the thumbs are all the actions of one jealous curmudgeon? I think that I know the answer and I am enjoying the thought immensely. Bring on the next downward directed thumb. Come on, prove how big you are (it is).

It would appear that you have a negative-cheerleader, a virtual stalker.

A boy scout, President Trump, and the Pope are flying in a private jet. Suddenly, the engines fail and the pilot bails out with a parachute. The three passengers take quick stock and note that there are only two parachutes left. Trump says, "Damn, there's 3 people and only 2 'chutes. I'm the president, so I should have one of them. You two decide who gets the other one." Trump bends down, picks up a bundle with straps all over it from the floor and puts it on. The boy scout shrugs, picks up another bundle with straps all over it and hands it to the Pope. The Pope says, "Bless you my boy, I'll put in a papal commendation for you when I get to heaven," and jumps out of the plane. Trump says, "That was very noble of you my boy. I'll put in a presidential commendation for you when I get to the White House." The boy scout answers, "That wasn't a parachute; it was my backpack."

Five rules for men to follow to have a happy life:

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.

2. It's important to have a woman who makes you laugh.

3. It's important to have a woman you can trust and who does not lie to you.

4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed and likes to be with you.

5. It's most important that these four women should not know anything about each other, or you'll end up like me.

—allegedly inscribed on a tombstone in Logan Utah