Jokes

My favourite blonde joke:

three blonde women take a stroll. A fairy appeasr: "Oh you are three...so one wish for each."
"I want to be more blond" says the first and she becomes more blond.
"I want to be more beautiful" says the second and she becomes more beautiful.
"I want to be dumber" says the third and becomes... a man.

I saw a sign saying a woman has to be twice as good as a man to be considered equal.

Fortunately it's not difficult.

My friend, we'll call him "Tom", was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business.
He knew that he would inherit a fortune once his sickly father died. Tom" wanted two things:
• To learn how to invest his inheritance.
• To find a wife to share his fortune
One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 200 million dollars."
Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

Two weeks later, she became his stepmother.







Women are so much better at estate planning, then men are.

So this blond walks into a computer store requesting a computer with a really good firewall.

Blond: "Is Norton good?", she asks.

Salesman: "Sure, top notch".

Blond: "Is it the best you have?"

Salesman: "Sure, just as good as any other I would sell".

Bond: "See, I told my boss that I don't need to use the work computer. Having my own personal system is just as safe, right?"

Salesman: "Hillary, what we have here is known in the computer industry and an ID ten T problem. Use your work computer instead."

An old couple were in the act of oral sex when the old man came up and said " that's it I cant stand the smell " ......." oh sorry my dear ,its my arthritis " she replied .
" get away , its not arthritis that's making your vagina smell awful " he remarked
" it is , its the arthritis in my shoulder, stops me from wiping my backside properly " she replied

Originally posted by @whodey
So this blond walks into a computer store requesting a computer with a really good firewall.

Blond: "Is Norton good?", she asks.

Salesman: "Sure, top notch".

That's where the joke should've ended.

The past, present, and future walk into a bar.

It was tense.

A man walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre..
So the barmaid gives him one.....

Originally posted by @skunkdup
A man walks into a bar and asks for a double entendre..
So the barmaid gives him one.....

With ice, shaken not stirred

A car battery walks into a bar.

The bartender says don't start anything.

Originally posted by @captain-strange
A car battery walks into a bar.

The bartender says don't start anything.

What do you call a cow with a twitch?

Beef jerky.

😞

Originally posted by @captain-strange
A car battery walks into a bar.

The bartender says don't start anything.

That was a bit flat.

The Holiday seasons brought this gem to mind

What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?





Outlaws are wanted.

Originally posted by @whodey
The Holiday seasons brought this gem to mind

What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?





Outlaws are wanted.

A buddy of mine, when having guests at his party, end of night, people going home, he says Thank you for coming. And thank you for going!